Show l r U Jr r Q b oi J 4 GEORGE FITCH s HERE comes conies a time In the life of every young oung freshman who t s goes to school and acquires offices offices of of- and notice and various kinds m l of success in his class cluss when nai nature na nu i t tore ture ture gives way under the strain just dust behind his cars and the consequences 4 ire are horrible in the extreme c I know because I was that kind of a freshe freshman fresh fresh- t e man and I had that kin kind of trouble and ind nd I was operated upon for it by bJ my II elders and betters It was a successful successful success success- successful ful ful operation Most of them are But f It It makes me writhe still to think of it e l Of all the cruelties on this st a savage e. e old earth the custom of operating upon a freshman for domus without with with- without out giving him ether is the most heartless heartless heartless heart heart- less and inhuman The Humane society society society so so- ought to broaden its It scope a aery avery avery very ery little so that it could take in i f freshmen and give them the protection It t is lavishing on the thc dumb varieties of animals Looking back from this period of j riper wisdom I can see er e every excuse e for the freshman whose hatband breaks breal s with a loud crack along in the winter term Freshmen are young young- some of them inconceivably young The he bones of the head you JOU know are arc soft and elastic in the ver very young They bey haven't the stern resisting power of the older noodle cases You take a year seventeen freshman with wide wido sutures in his green young skull and fill 1111 his head bead full of compliments and responsibilities and admiration and success success churn these all up and mix them with a few cigarettes and a little spare time in which to think about and what is the result The ess begins to ferment and put a presure pres- pres We ure on the skull And what happens then That young chaps chap's head begins to expand and swell and get vast and bulbous and full of of- gas and it leal leaks s sown down own into his hi conversation and presently presently pres pres- he is firmly convinced con that if I you ou were to set him In the center of r i darkest Africa and let him talk for a aI afew I few ew hours the monkeys monkey would be wearing wearn wear wear- ing nj n dark glasses lasses and quoting Latin It isn't int the freshman's fault Its It's a disease of his youth I have no patience pa pa- lence tience with the people who think that hen when a young youn fellow of eighteen gets o making funny noises about himself I land nd stands around on the horizon waitIng waiting waiting wait wait- ing for science to come and determine his hel height ht by triangulation he is going to o be a lifelong annoyance and ought to o be drowned like a superfluous pup- pup by y v. It isn't the first time In his life that hat he has been loud and unnecessary land if he lie goes into politics it will not be bethe bethe Ithe the last time Of course he is a very treat great reat nuisance and I am In favor of Compelling him to go around with his head head in n a grain g sack for about six sic months But he will get over it and he he has a better chance in college than anywhere else because the upper-class upper upperclassmen men in college have studied this mat- mat iter and have given it their careful at at- Let a young man who is tr tryIng try try- Ing lug to wear one of the rings of Saturn SaturnI for a hatband escape from college into I I the world in this condition and it will probably kick him to death trying to tot toure t cure ure him But leave him in school chool for forn fora n a few months and fit at the thc end of this time time if he has not been overlooked d and has had proper care and treatment treatment treatment treat treat- ment he will be wearing a thimble for fora forn a n skull cap call and und it will be coming down over oer his ears cars at that Before I had attended college collego col- col loge lego three months I had mislaid m my shyness and and modesty and was a roaring roarIng roarIng roar- roar Ing unmitigated nuisance When I considered what I had accomplished In those three months I felt so proud that it was difficult for even me to Imagine the respect to which I was entitled I had come to young unheralded unknown bashful timid undersized and ignorant and I had by my own sterling worth and ability forced Immediate recognition I was president of my class I had led tIe the rooters through the football season and had invented four new yells I had made the banjo club I 1 w was as mentioned for cotillion leader I had got over my fear of strange girls and was so popular that It almost broke my heart when I r took a n young oung lady Indy to a party to think of the blighting disappointment that would canker la in a dozen gentle bosoms I belon belonged ed to the finest frat fratIn fratin In college had cOllege had chosen it myself after carefully considering the merits of oC other other other oth oth- er applicants The president spoke e to me by name The college paper joked about my in In- fluence was a better college for forDy formy forny my ny Dy coming Of course I r was wasting Pl my time but I was no snob and even If it J It was a little school I intended to stick to it until my junior year rear anyway any any- way nY and pull It up give up-give give It some tone And nd wherever I went went went-to to Yale or liar Hal vard or Columbia Columbia to to finish up I r would could always think kindly of hind and nd defend It 1 After Atter I had reflected along these lines for tor a couple of hours alon along about the middle of November I used to look doubtfully at nt a couple of trolley ley Icy poles and fold my cars back before I dared to edge through between them I remember oh how plainly the first little shadow that fell feU across my bliss bUs It was WIlS In Lit class I made It t rather ither a point to attend classes though lough it was unnecessary for I didn't suppose any professor would have dared ared to make trouble Still I was In college ollege for the purpose and besides it was vas a bad thing for us leaders to cut cutlasses classes lasses and start that sort of business amon among mong the student body Lit was a n ghastly bore It was nothing but a n bunch of obituaries and a boost for a alot alot lot ot of books on the back shelves of oC the libraries Beowulf was about as valuable able ble to me as the duke of Buckingham's Buckingham's Bucking- Bucking hams ham's head would have been and I 1 didn't care a hole holey sock whether Chaucer Chaucer Chau- Chau er lived in the thirteenth century or r in hoc signo vinces I declined de de- lined to bone on the stuff but It was as easy to stall through it it and It was a good class in which to study types There were a lot of queer folks In n it people It-people people who seemed to think that sort ort of thing was Important Important folks folks folks' you'd oud never meet in the ordinary course ourse of college life I was sitting in Lit class one day late ate in November with my feet stretched out thinking rather intently on a little stunt I was working up for forthe forthe the he banjo club when I suddenly heard hearda a i silence silence funny funny how loud a silence can be I looked up quickly Every e eye e was glued on me and Professor Timmons was looking at me with a aqUE qUE queer er smile Then I knew I had been called onI onI onI on I I beg your our pardon said I to the professor Did you ou call calI on me j I Iwas Iwas was vas very polite and considerate I did said Professor Timmons still smiling The class clas laughed rl right ht out It nettled me a little but I let it pass What was it I asked ed The he class laughed again Professor Timmons laughed too Im sorry to disturb you ou Mr Simmons he said but will you ou kindly tell telI us upon what wha the fame of Cowper chiefly rests I was perfectly frank Ill be behane hanged hane if I know I said pleasantly If the class had hind had any sense I it would have lau laughed hed at my joke as well wel as ns at the professors But there wasn't wasn i n giggle gig Professor Timmons didn didn't say anything for about ten minutes minutes- or maybe ten seconds Then he cleared his throat 1 You haven't favored us with very much knowledge this term Mr Simmons Simmons Simmons Sim Sim- mons mons he lie said in a disquietingly quiet way Are you planning to remain remain remain re re- re- re main with me permanently That was all But it was enough It finished Professor Timmons with me I didn't open my mouth and when the class was dismissed I stalked ou out through that bunch as if they ha had been red ants I never had been s so mad in my life I r had been called calle down before the class me class me Petey Simmons Simmons Sim Sim- I mons Its president president called called down by a cheap professor profess r who wasn't anything but hut a storage cold-storage warehouse for dates I simply boiled For a minute I thought of quitting school I dropped the idea however It wasn't the colleges college's colleges college's colleges college's col col- col- col leges lege's fault But when I met Ashcroft who was leader of the banjo club I burned that bunch up good and plenty I told him just what I thought about abou the whole business If I hadn't been too much of a gentleman I stormed I would have shown up that old fossil fossil fos fos- sil right before his class I would have asked him what he was doing fo for forthe forthe the coll colI besides trying to flunk th the students who are putting up a fight fo for it But I didn't and it wasn't because I was afraid of the faculty either That was Ashcroft's chance to comin come com comeIn in with a little s sympathy But h he When I had finished there wa was another of these that you youcan youcan can almost chew up and swallow I looked at Ashcroft He was smilIng smiling smil- smil ing In a sort of queer way Finally h he reached over and patted me on me me o othe the back bacr just as if I had been a yellow dog doh Never Neer mind Petey he said Wall We W all have our brainstorms You'll b be better pretty soon Nice thing to hand out to a fellow wasn't it I was furious Ashcroft wasn't so much anyway If I hadn't hadn come into his old banjo club that falIt fall fal It would have had hard pulling on th the solo part I Just turned on my heel hee heelas as conspicuously as I could and left lef him I figured that about five month months of cold politeness on my part would teach him a few things s about courtesy I strolled over to the football field where the team was in ha having final practice tice before the Thanksgiving game an anI and andI I got sorrier for myself at every step No matter what a fellow does In th the world he Isn't lint appreciated He TIe ca cnn can work himself into the grave for hits his hi j school and the yaps who stand around and do the lI light ht yelling will kick him the first chance they get et By the tim timI time I had reached the field I had hod a n ri right ht good notion to cease all my activities for a few months and ancI just let th the school sweat along along- In fact I decider decided to do It It made me feel better I 1 began to picture to myself the pleasure pleas pleas- ure un I would take tal in explaining my reasons reasons rea rea- sons to the delegations from the banjo club find and the rooters' rooters chorus and the freshmen class and the cotillion club I would be Just as pleasant as aR I could be but firm And wll when J they had hod wormed the reason out of or me they I would see what comes of being too arned I I thought it all out and It made me good I strolled over to the site side lines carefully unconscious of the tact fact that every one was looking at me and ud nodding here and there at nt the thc fellows fellows fel- fel lows of our crowd and the other students students stu- stu dents whom I knew I alwa always s 's made madet It t a n point to speak to a n large number of f students student because I wanted to be democratic the captain was out of of practice that day with alame alame a n name lame ame ankle and was sitting on the side lines I strolled over to him pushed his is hat over his eyes kicked him in inthe I Ithe the he ribs and finally tackled led him about the he knees and put him down neatly as s you ou please There were seniors who vho would have given their eyes to be that hat familiar with Hoggie Hoggle He Ill called me mo a fool and told me not notto notto to 0 twist his ankle any more than I could help While he was picking up his ils hat Beems of the Fl Fly Gams a n senior enior who was sitting near called over Say he s said ld haven't ha you salted your freshmen yet Everybody laughed and I saw he meant to insult me I could feel myself myself my my- self getting red and It made me mad for if there Is anything I detest it is the he way my face butts in and tries to advertise my feelings I Just shot It right back at Beems Heres one you ou fellows didn't get a chance to salt salt I said Some fellow back of me snickered but nobody Inu laughed hed and all of a n sudden sudden sud sud- den it occurred to me that I would have lave given a lot more money than I had lad not to have ave said that Nobody said anything and I stood around and whistled a n minute to show the whole crowd that they could go o to grass Individually individually individually in In- or collectively just as they pleased I 1 turned around and walked over and examined the teams team's sweat sweat- ers After that I went up the field and looked critically at the sunset and then I went wont away and walked around the town a while I felt awfully funny something like a cat that has killed the canary I couldn't understand It I 1 was too big a man to feel that way And yet was I I didn't want to go goo up to the house for dinner that night because I didn't feel sociable and I finally decided to togo togo too go o down to Mark Smiths Smith's room and eat cat supper with him I would have to help get it and it would be a lot o of f fun Anyway I hadn't seen much o of f r I predated it Ill Til just bid you goodnight good goodnight night I took my hat I thought that would land Mark Murk for I I Iwas was the most influential Influential influential friend he had bad I didn't really mean to go at heart But he got up and opened the door for me Come back when its it's all over Petey he lie said soberly and Ill I'll be glad to see you all over I snapped coming to you In the next nest few months he said soberly Oh go to thunder 1 I said and went out It was after ten and I was tired I went straight home Four or five of the fellows were sitting in the room ing-room downstairs which was peculiar peculiar peculiar pe pe- culiar because it was against the rules in study hours When I came In they all jumped up and Saunders went to the stairs Here ho he Is fellows he said Come on down Sit down said Saunders to meI meI meI me I dont don't want to I said sullenly Im going to bed He took me without a n word and sat me on the davenport I struggled and cussed him but and Allen came over and sat beside me They were on the football squad and I was wasa wasn a n toy in their hands The room filled up with men Suddenly I wasn't in my lily own chapter house with my loving brothers I seemed to be bo in n a court of justice the matter Somebody dead I asked just to show them that I wasn't impressed Shut up freshman said Saunders who was president that year ear We dont don't want you to talk except when we tell you to Were We're tired of you rid were we're going to try to improve y m a good deal Jeal so you will be fit t tc have around the house If you dont don't want t to J have me me- around the house you do dont doot it have to I said sullenly Saunders went o oter ote er to the door and opened it Want Vant to go he asked aske me It uIt suddenly occurred to me that Iwas I Iwas Iwas was perfectly crazy to stay But Iwas I Iwas Iwas was mighty |