Show AT ATS S A 3 THE TI-fE BOOKING OFFICE L N C STAGE OFF COMEDIES ri by Will Bradshaw DAD WAD WADELL ELL ACCEPTS A PO PO- Low Lew Dugan ot of Dugan and Dugan Dugan- Dugan Why hello everybody All hangin around same samo as ever eh I just finished fin fin- the nicest little litlIe tour of ot my life ute Say Dad Wadell Vadell you with the tall forehead reading matter I could have placed you down in Louisville last week Its It's still open Dad Wadell who ho knew Booth by Booth by sight Let sight Let me finish this stanza of at Keats Keale Grade Gracie Dugan of ot Dugan Dugau and Dugan That's Thata what's you where joure youre at Dad Spend Spendin in all your spare time tIne those dead ones Wh Why dont don't you OU shine up to some of ot Phil Spacers Spacer's Stuff In the Morning Screamer All live jews about the prominent ones In the profession Lew show em the clipping clipping clip cHI ping where It said Grade Gracie Dugan Sues Z A. A Railroad for A Pullman Porter Threw Her lIer Pet Pomeranian Porno Pome ranian Poodle Out a Car Window as the Train Was Passing Over the Dela Delaware ware The Porter Claims the Beast Bit lt Him In tho the Afternoon and He lie Act sd d In Self Defense Imagine what that publicity means to Dugan and Dugan Well We'll be on the big time ime In a n week Algy What Algy-What What do y mean y loot yer dog Instead of the y want the theole theole theole ole railroad Fancy an animal at that price Grade Gracie Dugan It Dugan-It It aint the dog Algy Its It's my feelings Imagine seeing the puppy I raised from a you might say snatched In his slumber slumber slumber slum slum- ber and hurled Into the tho surging river It was It aint the for the dog All but 25 of ot It Is for my nervous breakdown Dad Wadell Were Wadell-Were Were they reviving the plays of ot Booth and Barrett Darrett at Louisville Mr Dugan Lew Dugan Dugan Naw This was legitimate mate stuff sturt A exhibit Tom Ring Is putting out cut a carnival 1 show laugh to be frivolous pane PEM on to exhibitions exhibitions of ot that nature But hut If U youre you're here to learn to see som something such as the eye of at man man or or v woman oman either has either has never ne witnessed In the tho history history history his his- tory of ot the world orld I 1 want to give you the benefit of ot ny my knowledge If It you want ant something to think about something something some some- thing g to ponder on something to tell your our grandchildren and their grandchildren grandchildren grand grand- children let me one explain the marvel of at science and In your midst midst Is he be man or mushroom mushroom mushroom mush mush- room room Where I 1 was educated at the University of ot Paris Paris Paris- Dad Wad Wadell Are Wadell-Are ell Are Are you sure It was Paris I 1 remember remember- Algy Go Algy-Go Go on that's like Oxford stuff by Jove I I never card eard better nt itt Eton Low Lew Dugan continuing Where I Iwas was educated at nt the tho University of ot Paris rails a II fund was established to send eDd eDdme me to the far tar corners of the earth eath en- en rusted with Uh man or mush room Captured In the wilds of at Madagascar Madagascar Mada Mada- gascar by an army of ot explorers this marvel whether marvel w hether a man or a mushroom science cannot tell tell has nas been the enigma enig enigma ma of or civilization For the of ot this great mystery friends aul aud neighbors there stands In tho the Bank Dank of England a prize of ot one million dollars one one million Maybe In this crowd there Is a learn-ed learn man a smart woman worn wom an a bright bo boy a babe in arms who will solve this riddle riddie of at life me With each cach ticket of ot admission admission-a. a dime ten cents cents I I have been ordered to give give In In Inthis this town only only only-a a slip on which you may write your answer and drop In Inthe inthe inthe the box at atthe the door on your way out A million may be yours youre for tor a dime Step this way war Is It a man or a mushroom mush mushroom room Step lively dont don't block th the main entrance Yes sir In the Bank Dank of ot England One million lady one million Drop your answer anwer in the box boxon boxon on the way out Algy Ill I'll Ill I'll bet y were spoofing There wasn't a million in the bank at all L I Grade Gracie Dugan Dugan-Algy Dugan Algy It would do I you good to see them fighting to get I In after atter LeVIs LeVI's talk The boobs were I Imad mad about that million Madge Madigan of or a sister team team team- Say I Dad ad want something easy with no wardrobe necessary Stanley Bender Bender Ben Den der is le getting up a movie outfit to go over on the tho Jersey side and produce some African features They were loading on the palm trees and jungle props when I passed Dad Wad Wadell If ell It If they reproduce Macbeth Ill I'll do tle part for a suitable emolument Grade Gracie Dugan I Dugan-I I couldn't get Into inta movies because they said I didn't photo well on the screen Me a tall handsome brunette after the style 01 ol Nazimova only more so M Me who was given 10 and a dozen photos last week for tor a soap poap company to use my picture on the wrappers of Grandmas Old Style Washing Powder Pow der derl I It Aint the Dog Algy Aigy Its It's My Feelings Ima Imagine g i ne Seeing the Puppy I Nursed From a Wienerwurst You MI Might ht s 's Say ay Snatched in His Slumbers and Hurled Into the Surging g River and he be wants a refined educated gentleman gentleman gen gen- tieman to ballyhoo In front of ot the pit show Dad Wadell And Wadell-And And what hat may I ask Is a pit show Lew Dugan Ite Dugan Its It's a snake tent Denizens of ot Densest Jungles he calls It With Fangs I the Conqueror of ot Rebellious Revolting Reptiles Eddie Gaylord Is going to be Fangs till he recovers from the drop he got gotoff gotoff off the tho trapeze last season Dad Wad Wadell Wadell What ell What would a refined gentleman be doing with an aggregation aggregation tion of ot that caliber Lew Dugan Dugan lies He's Hes cot to put over some choice language Get the crowd In iu on his college talk about science and all that Its It's easy for a gentleman gentle gentle- man with education like me and you We have a Algy I Algy-I I could tike a go at It Im I'm a gentleman and a scholar y know Grade Gracie Dugan Lew Dugan-Lew Lew gave some high class oratory when he was with Weldons Weldon's side show last season They had the Man fan or Mushroom from Madagascar Lew Low Dugan I Dugan I made some speeches with that outfit that made It classical I often oCten seen college professors in the crowd turn away with jealousy It I was over their heads Alg Did Algy-Did Did y read up on your subject subject subject sub sub- ol 01 man Lew Low Dugan Not Dugan-Not Not at all 11 It was regular regular regular regu regu- lar Grade Gracie Dugan Let Dugan-Let Let em cm hear some of or It It Lew the Lew-the the real educated l Lew Dugan My Dugan-My My voice aint very good today I 1 a cold coId the same samo times time I that flyer out of at cah It went something like this Friends and neighbors always always say friends and neighbors It makes em feel as If It you grew up In the same annie town together Friends and ond neighbors neigh neigh- bors If it you came here tonight to pass the time In Idle gaiety I dont don't want to tal talk to you If It lyou you came here to Algy Wy Algy Wy wont won't Stanley ire me any more I E said I was the best e ever saw at sentimental love Jove scenes Madge Madigan You Madigan-You You were too timid He lie said because you ou had your only suit on was no nu reason you shouldn't have let the hook and ladder ladder ladder lad lad- der truck run over you when they wa was making The Fire In the Fireworks Factory You spoiled that film Dim Algy So Algy-So So rather spoil me than the film eh Ill I'll starve first Madge MadIgan-I MadIgan I wish you ou could see the juvenile we have In Algy's place Gracie Grade Some boy Hes He's bringing bring bring- ing lug his mother and sisters to the show to see me tomorrow It looks like Ill I'll be bo marrying do well after Deter all Gracie Grade Dugan Dugan Aint Aint It grand you ou didn't marr marry Algy when he proposed last week It pays to wait walt I realize that more and more every eVer eVerda da day Lew Low Dugan You Dugan-You You know It paid to wait walt for me Grade Gracie Grade Gracie Dug Dugan But Dugan-But n But then I dont don't know what I missed either cither Dad What Wadell-What Wadell What is la the tho fare rare to Louisville Mr Dugan Booking Agent entering Say entering Say Dad want to go to Louisville Copyright 1914 by W. W G G. G Chapman Dramatic Dra Dra- matic maUc Reserved |