Show t EXCUSE ME N Novelized from the ha he the Same Name Namo By ILLUSTRATED REnert Rupert From Photographs of I be the Play Pay Play as Produced t By Dy Henry W. W Sava Savage Sante I Copyright 1911 t t 7 11 i. i K L FV F 1 Co 0 1 4 CHAPTER 4 I i i j The Wreck of the Ta Taxicab The rho he young oung woman In the taxicab scuttling frantically down the dark street treet clung tc to the arm of the young man alongside as f If It she were tern tern- flea fied fled atthe at the th lawbreaking risking neck speed But evidently some greater fear goaded her for she gasped Cant he go a little faster Cant you go a little faster Caster The young man alongside howled as he thrust his head he d and shoulders through the ithe window In th the door D But t the self created taxi-gale taxi swept his hi voice aft and the taut chauffeur perked his ear In vain to catch the vanishing syllables that fhe rhe roared Cant Can t you go a little faster 7 The indignant charioteer simply I had to to shoot one barbed glare glar of x reproach re into that passenger He turned t ned ibis his head and growled Say do youse oUse want to lose Jose me me For just one Instant he turned his head One instant was Just enough The unguarded taxicab seized the op op- por bolted bolte from th the track and ana flung as it w were re Its Us arms drunkenly around a perfectly respectable fp t attending strictly to Its business curb There ensued a c con con- n- n Fourth of or July Sparks Hew flew w tires Ures exploded metals ripped two wheels spun in air and one wheel nea neatly IY severed at the axle wen went reelIng reel- reel Ing down the sidewalk half a I block before it lean leaned d against a tree and rested A dozen or more miracles coincided to save sav iv the passengers from Injury The young man found himself standIng stand stand- I Ing lag on the pavement with the un- un door still around his neck The young w woman's womans mans man's arms were round his his his' neck Her head was on his his shoulder It had x r reposed posed pos d there often orten enough but never never- neler before belore in n t the street und under r a lamppost Th The chauffeur found himself himself himself him him- self in the the road walking about on on all aU fours like a bewildered quadruped Evidently some ov overpowering need I for or speed possessed th the yo young ng woman wom- wom worn wom an an for even now she did not scream she did not faint she did not mur- mur Where am I She simply said sald What time Is it honey Al And d the young man not realizing tow how ow b befuddled fudd ed he be rea really was or how his hand trembled fet fetched hed out his watch and held it under the glow of or the lamppost which was now bent over In a convenient but disreputable attitude A quarter quarte to ten sweetheart Plenty of time Ume for the train But the minister honey What about the minister The consideration of this riddle was Interrupted by a muffled hubbub of yelps whimpers and canine hysterics Immediately the young woman forgot ministers collisions tr train schedules everything She showed her first sign ol ot panic Get They groped about In the topsy topsy- taxicab rummaged aI among 1 ng a Jumble of f suitcases handbags umbrellas um urn- s and minor impedimenta an and fished out a small dog basket with an inverted dog Inside was ridiculous In ln any position but Iut as he slid Bud taU tall foremost for from the wicker the he resembled nothing so much muchas as a heap of tangled yarn tumbling out nut of a work He was an In Indignant In skein and had much to say before he consented to sn snuggle n under his mistress' mistress chin About time this the chauffeur came prowling into view He Be was too deeply deep deep- ly shocked to emit any any language of or of orthe the garage garag He was too deeply shocked chocked to achieve any comment more brilliant than That mess dont don't look much like It ever sever was a taxicab does It Th The young man shrugged his Iii's shoulders ders tiers and stared up and do down n the thelong long iong street for tor another ano her The young t woman looked sorrowfully at the wreck and queried q Do you think you can make It go The chau chauffeur eur glanced her way r more in pity for her tier whole sex than In acorn scorn for tor type as he tie mum- mum I bled bled- I Makes It go It'll ItJI take a steam winch a week to unwrap p It from that lamppost The Tho young man apo apologized tI oughtn't to have yelled at you He was evidently a very nice young Not tto to be outdone In courtesy the chauffeur retorted I hadn't ought to have o turned me head Tho young woman thought What a a nice nico chauffeur but she she ga gap p d cj youre you're hurt fits fit's but a. a scratch on me t b. b me mc a 11 handkerchief er bl r H l.- l. I J The young young man whipped o. o out t hI MR re ref reserve re- re f serve supply and In a trice It 11 was vas a bandage on the chauffeurs chauffeur's hand Tn The chauffeur decided that the young worn worn- an was even nicer than the young youn man But nut he could not settle on a wa way to sa say It It So he said nothing an and grinned sheepishly as ns he said It U. The young man named Harry was wondering how they were to proceed He had already studied the region regio with dismay when the girl resolved Well Vell have to tako another taxi tax Harry I Yes Marjorie but we wo cant can't take 1 It till we get It It You might wait waft here all aU night wit out ketchin a glimp gUmp of one th the chauffeur ve Ventured I co come c this wa way beca because ls you wanted me to tako take a short cut Its the longest short cut I 1 ever eve saw the young m man n sighed as s he be e gazed this way and that The place of their shipwreck was so deserted that not even a crowd had gathered The racket of the tho collision had not brought a single po policeman They wore In a dead world of granite warehouses wholesale stores and factories factories fac tac- tories all loc locked ed and forbidding and full of at silent gloom In sin the daytime this was a big trade- trade arter artery of or Chicago and andall alt all day long It was thunderous with trucks and com corn merce At night it was Pompeii PompeU so utterly abandoned that that the night watchmen rarely slept outside and anet no footpad found It worth while to set up shop The rho three castaways stared every which way and every which way was peace The ghost of a pedestrian or two hurried by In the far distance A cat or two went furtively In search of warfare or romance The lampposts lampposts lamp lamp- posts stretched on and on In th both di dl dl directions directions' in two In the faraway Caraway there was a muffled muffled fled lIed rumble and the faint clang of a abell bell Somewhere a a street car was bumping along Its rails s. s Our only hope hope said Harry Come along Marjorie He handed the chauffeur five dollars as a poultice to his wounds tucked the girl under one arm a and d the dog dog- basket under the other and set o out t calling back hack to the chauffeur I Good night Good night the girl cn called led back Good night the chauffeur echoed He stood watching them with the tIle tender tendel ten del der gaze that even even a chauffeur may feel for young love hastening to to a honeymoon He stood beaming so till their footsteps footsteps footsteps foot foot- steps died In the silence spence Then he turn turned d back to the tho chaotic remnants remnants' of his machine He fie worked at It h hopelessly hopelessly hope hope- pe- pe lessly for some time before he had reason to l look within There he found the handbags and suitcases umbrellas umbrellas um urn- and other equipment He ran to fa the corner to call after the owners They were as absent of oT Body as s they had been absent of mind He remembered the str street number I II t I I S p pj j 4 4 i tir Henry Kenry Mallory and Marjorie Newton they had given him as their destina destina- tion He waited wafted till at last a yawning policeman sauntered that way like a lonely beach patrol and left him In charge while he went to telephone his garage for a wagon and a wrecking crew It was close on midnight before he reached the number his fares had given him It was a parsonage leaning leanIng lean lean- ing lag against a church He rang the bell and finally produced from an upper upper up up- per a nightshirt topped by a frowsy head He explained the situation situation situ situ- and his possession of certain properties b belonging to parties unknown unknown un un- known except by their first names The clergyman drowsily murmured Oh yes yea I remember The young man was Lieutenant Henry Mallory and he said he would stop here with witha a young lady and get married on th the way to the train But they they- never turned up Lieutenant Mallory eh eli Where could I reach him II He said he was leaving tonight for forthe forthe forthe the Philippines The Philippines Well Ill I'll beThe be beThe be- be The The minister closed the window Just in time 1 I CHAPTER 11 IV Ii The Early Birds Birde and the Worm In th the enormous barn of the rail raU railroad road station stood many strings or of cars as If it a gigantic young Gulliver stabled his toys there and Invisibly amused himself now whisking this one away now backing that thai other in I Some o of or trains the trains wei were nOb noble nObl equip equipages equipages equipages ages fitted to fo glide across across th the hol 1 map with cargoes of Lilliputian mU mil and their Lilliputian ladies ladles Others were and shabby up linked day coach and dingy ding smoking cars pack packed with workers like ants Cars are mere vehicles es but locomotives ties tives have souls The express engines en en- gines roll in or stalk out with gran gran- dour deur and ease case They Th y are like em em- They seem to look with scorn at th the suburban engines snorting and anc grunting and shaking the arched d roof with their plebeian choo choo-choo as aa thc they puff puI from shop to cottage and back The trainmen take their CUD cue cuo rom from the behavior of theli thel locomotives The rhe conductor of a n transcontinental nods to t the conductor of a train shuttle with less cordiality than to a brakeman brakeman brake brake- man of at his own The engineers of the look like senators In overalls They aro are traveled far-traveled men le leading a mighty life Ufe of adventure They are arc pilots of ships land-ships across land They have a right to a 8 certain condescension of manner But no no one feels or shows so BO much I arrogance as the sleeping car porters Th They Jy cannot pronounce up ous but they can be bo It Their disdain dis dam dain for the entire crew of any train that carries merely day-coaches day or half baked chair cars is expressed as only a darkey darItey in a uniform carl can express express ex ex- ex press disdain for poor white trash Of Or all all' ll the h haughty porters that ever curled a lip Up the haughtiest by far was the dusky attendant In the San Francisco sleeper on the Trans Trans- Trans Trans-Amer mer rIcan r- r ican Limited His was the train of trains in that whole system His car carthe carthe carthe the car of cars His passengers the of all His train tran stood now waiting to set forth upon Ii voyage of two thousand miles mUes a Journey across seven soven Imperial states a Journey that should end only at that marge where the continent dips and vanishes under the breakers of the P Pacific ocean A At the head of his car clr with his littie little lit lit- tie tle step box-step waiting for r the foot loot atthe of at the first arrival the porter stood his head swelling under tinder his cap hi his tits tit's breast swelling beneath hi his blue blouse with its brass buttons button's like reflections of his Q own wn eyes eyel His name was Ellsworth Jefferson but he was called anything from to and he usually did not come when hen he was I Tonight he was wondering perhaps what passengers with what dispositions dispositions would fall to h his s lot Perhaps h lie he was wondering what his Chicago sweetheart would be In the eight days before his return Perhaps Per Per- haps he ho was wondering what his San Francisco sweetheart had been doing In n the five days day since he left her and a d dhow how tiow she would pass the three days that must Intervene before he lie liere re reached ched her again He had Othello's ebon color Did h he have Othello's green eye Whatever his thoughts he chatted gaily enough with his neighbor and colleague of the Portland sleeper Suddenly he stopped In the midst of at a soaring chuckle Lordy man looky what's a corn In n PI The Portland porter turned tuned to gaze I got my fingers crossed I 1 hope you git him I hope I 1 dont H Hell u work you hard and cuss you out and he wont won't give you even even a a Much Obliged Th tI tH right He aint got a usher to carry his things And ties He's got enough to fill a van The was plainly of EngIsh English Eng Eng- Ish lish origin It takes all sorts of people pee pea pie to make up the British Empire and there Is no sort lacking lacking glorious glorious or pretty or sour or sweet But this was the type of English glob trotter globe that makes himself as unpopular among foreigners as he Is among among his own own people He Is almost as unendurable unendurable durable as th the Americans Americans Americans' abroad broa l who twang their banjo brag through Europe Europe Eu Eu- rope alId and berate France and Italy for their Innocence of buckwheat cakes The two porters regarded Mr riar- riar old Wedgewood with dread as he be bore lore down dO on them He lie was almost lost lost ost In the plethora of his own lug lug- gage He asked for the San Francisco Fran Franc cisco sleeper and the Portland porter had tc to turn away to smother his gurgling gurgling gur gur- gling gUng relief Ellsworth J Jeffersons Jefferson's heart sank He made a feeble e effort eort ort at self pro The Pullman conductor not not being present at th the moment he ho Inquired inquired In in- qui red Have you got yo ticket Of cawse Could I I see It IU Of cawse not Too much trouble to o fish It out Th Tub The porter was fading Do you remember yo numba Of cawse Take the these e. e He began begano to o pile things on the porter Ike a mountain unloading an avalanche The porter s stumbled as he lie e clambered up p th the steps and squeezed through the tie strait path of the corridor Into the be slender aisle He turned again agai l land and nd again to question the Invader but Ut he was motioned and bunted down own the car car- till he he was halted with witha a This will do The Englishman selected section three for his own The porter ven von Are Aro you she sho this Is yo numa numba num num- ba a 7 Of ca cawse Im I'm shaw How dare you question my my- my I wasn't y you u boss bosa I 1 Iwas Iwas was just asUn you TO BE BK CONTINUED |