Show I SHAKESPEARE'S CLASS David Belasco's play The Girl or of orthe orthe the Golden West has been used as all the world knows by the famous Puccini as the libretto for his now neW opera overa A New York critic congratulated Mr Belasco Delasco on this honor th the other day Mr Belasco replied To be Puccini's librettist Is of course an honor But It Isn't a supreme su preme honor Some folks tolk though seem to think so It all reminds me of a story about to Invited Arditi Arditi was vas once lecture on Shakespeare Shakespeare he said with a puzzled pus pus- tIed sled frown Shakespeare Dont you remember maestro you remember said a disciple Dont Amleto and Romeo e Giulietta forth OZ and Otello and so BO famous fa I said the Oh yes of course The Shakespeare conductor librettist Willies Willie's Lessons Miss Smith who is In the habit of assigning long and aDd difficult lessons called the other evening at the home of Dr her ber brightest pupil who had been I absent several days Is Willie Ill she Inquired solicit solicit- the mother Oh responded no no he Is quite well thank you He has been absent several days hinted the teacher I Yes replied the mother looking I Innocently at the teacher Willie Villi Is IsEO IsEO Isso he EO so busy studying his lessons that hasn't time to go to school cotts A Learned Parent Ta Pa what is ts a hedonist A hedonist A my son Yes pa Ahem I Let t me see Do you remember remember remember re re- re- re member my taking you to a show last week Yes pa And you saw a man there who wall walked d down a flight of ot stairs on his bead head Yes pa Well Wen he was a hedonist Not That KindIs KindIs Kind Is your clerk a believer In the occult occult occult oc oc- oc- oc cult asked the facetious man watchIng watch watch- Ing lag a bottle being made up Into a neat package tn d Why do you you ask Because replied the facetious one I 1 notice he is engaged In spirit wrap wrap- ping ESSENTIAL I L F Mrs Rastus Fo Fo gracious I Isake sake aint yo yo ready to go o to dat cakewalk cakewalk cake cake- cake I walk yet Wot's keepin yo Rastus I I cant can't find mah mali cakewalk I i I Boy Soy Didn't Know Your wife wants you on the telephone telephone tele tele- phone the new boy In an office where the phones of two separate companies were Installed led Which one Inquired the boss thinking of ot the two telephones of course course- Please sir said the boy I dont don't know how many you have Makes a Difference The sun got up this mornIng bright And found rue rae still In bed But nut he hc wasn't out so 80 late lato last night As I was as be It said Granted His Request Said the hobo I i went around to a aback aback back door today and asked for something something some some- thing to eat Madam I said If you rou will only give me the food you OU gave your cat I will be satisfied If you want to He lie around the barn and catch mice I haven't any objections she told me rae Oculists Oculist's Prescriptions lons Costly Alice I Alice I ran Into a lady Indy In one of ot the stores this afternoon and her glasses fell off oft and smashed all aU to bits hits Jack Jack How How unfortunate You made amends emends at once nce I suppose Alice Alice Oh Oh certainly I apologized The Very Latest very proud of her child chUd she know that mere mere children chil chil- dren are unfashionable But I believe she has some sort of or i S a modified baby FEET Oh the wandering foot Loves a seven league boot But the foot loves a slipper slip per So when cruel cruet fates plan To put both on one one man How can the poor fellow fetlow feel teel chipper Oh Oh the tho call can of the sea has lIas long clamored to me And now half halt of me harks to It only But heres here's one of my feet That would beat a retreat To a n hearth where two others wait waft lonc lonely y Oh Ohl the terrible strain of Of one foot on the tho main And the other at home by the lode Faith this fling Isn't quite the tho right thing For a fellow unless he be bo single Oh th I the wandering foot Loves a n seven league boot L But the foot loves a II slipper slip slip- i per So when cruel fates plan To put both on one man How can can cal the poor fellow feel chipper Tom Daly In Catholic Standard and andy Times y V AT THE VAUDEVILLE 4 I i I II I r r 1 i First First Gagster Gagster Electricity was In use before the flood Second Gagster How Gagster How do you know First Why Why didn't Noah Noab have ark lights if if l' l How It Worked Out She Sho married him for tor money But when she was his bride Although ough it may seem funny l J W 1 Plain Old English for Him James Wilson the secretary of agriculture agriculture agri agri- culture does not like foreign Ian lan and he cannot persuade hims himself himself him him- s self lf that Latin is good for anything at all As the new building for the department department department de de- de- de of agriculture was being finIshed finished finished fin fin- off oft the stone carvers began a Latin Inscription over tb the main door I I Mr Wilson came along when the work vork had bad been half doneN done N None ne of that Latin LaUn he ordered English is good enough for me P Popular pular Magazine A Poor Beginning The young teacher looked around at atthe atthe atthe the little assemblage that constituted t the e slum kindergarten of which she ehe be taken charge and began In sweet gurgling ing tones supposed to express intense interest in Now I wonder how many little children l here re this morning can tell me whether th the little kitty wears fur or feathers A dirty faced urchin rolled his eye eyer and groaned audibly Gee Aint she ne never er seen a cat Harpers Harper's Magazine Edwards Edward's Deductions dward Edward you must eat the crusts of or your our bread Did you eat crusts when you were a little boy Why certainly I did And Is that why you are a n crusty old bachelor now now Ul uncle Yonkers cle-Yonkers Yonkers Statesman S I HE I KNEW NE NEW LIl o I II I II I Tb- Tb The Medical Professor What Professor What happens hap hai- pens when a n mans man's temperature goes down as low Jow as it can 1 Student absently H gets cold feet teeL h. 4 Clara Of or Clara Bell BellS S Im I'm very fond A brunette once S She's now a Ii blonde Somewhat Bitter No said Bald the senator I shall shan not go to Mrs reception I But you have a card acard card I know but people will wUl think 1 I stole tole it ft t oil I |