Show c 0 about Tombstone Inscriptions P pHOENIX ARIZ A gentle gentle- gentleman man took me sightseeing through a cemetery that abounded in proud mausoleums mausoleums mausoleums and stately shafts I figured he wanted to show me that rich folks continue to enjoy the utmost luxury even after alter becoming de de- ceased How futile and how vain are most tombstone a lions They give the dates tes of at birth and death events in neither of which the departed had any say so unless he committed suicide ys And just as the av av- IrvIn S. S Cobb crage graveside euI eulogy eulogy eu eu- eu- eu I logy is Js a belated plea for the defense offered after alter the evidence is all In I so an nn epitaph is an advertisement for a line of goods which permanently permanently permanently perma perma- has been discontinued Somehow this burying ground stuff reminds me of hired critics of other mens men's efforts The difference between professional book reviewers review review- ers and the other is that the latter do their work after you pass on but the reviewers cant can't wait until youre you're dead to write your literary dea death th notice for you Maybe critics are to authors what fleas were to David Harum's dog they keep authors from brooding on being authors Catching Barracuda LEO T EO CARILLO is q quite ite a yachtsman yachtsman yachtsman yachts- yachts man man when not acting for the screen or leading parades Hes He's our champion parade leader Its It's got gotso gotso ot otso so they dont don't dare let a colored funeral funeral funeral fu fu- fu- fu go past his house for fear tear hell he'll rush right out and head the sion On one of those days when there wasn't a parade he be took Victor Moore and me out on his boat boal We caught a mess of slim sUm yet ct fragrant fish Leo called them barracuda but with their low retreating foreheads foreheads foreheads fore fore- heads and greedy jaws they looked more like shyster lawyers to me methe methe methe me- me the kind lind who chase ambulances and eventually get disbarred Glad Mad Iad Artists H HERETOFORE the thc glad mad J 1 geniuses who produce masterpieces masterpieces masterpieces master master- pieces of sculpture and painting which resemble nothing on heaven earth or in the wa waters below except possibly some bad dr dream am which these parties had once while feeling feeling feel feel- ing pretty bilious have depended upon the ultra ultra among the intelligentsia intelli for support But now one hears divers millionaires millionaires million million- air aires s may endow for them an academy academy academy aca aca- demy or a gallery or gallery or possibly Its It's an asylum for the more violent cases Anyhow theres there's money behind behind behind be be- hind the cult and when money gets behind a thing in m this thus country it usually flourishes provided the money doesn't get too far behind as happened in 1929 when the rest of ot the country waS trying to figure out what had become of the deposits and investments which we of the sucker class had entrusted to our leading financial wizards Still we ve of that same Ignorant mass-group mass do not have to buy examples examples examples ex ex- amples of this new school We dont don't even have to look at them unless were we're in Germany and are escorted to the official state-run state display by a regiment of Nazi storm And aside from their ideas of what constitutes art its it's said that some of the artists themselves are are not really dangerous merely annoying annoying annoying annoy annoy- ing in an itchy sort of way In other oilier words they're all right if you ou dont don't get one of em on you Pugilistic Authors M ALWAYS missing something IM I'M On the occasion of one really historIc historic his his- tonic battle between a Q brace of distinguIshed distinguished distinguished dis dis- dis- dis writers I yawningly left the scene before Sinclair Lewis wis and Theodore quit swapping hard words and started swapping soft blows And it was just my luck to be out here bere recently when Ernest Hemingway Hemingway Heming Heming- way threw a book book or or maybe It was wasa a publisher anyhow some such hard knobby object object object-at at Mr Max Eastman and Mr Eastman retorted retort retort- ed with a tremendous push which damaged Mr Hemingway not at all The typical writer no matter how red blooded his style may be packs all his wallops in his pen and never neverin neverin neverin in his fist There have been Once Rex Beach Bench cleaned out outa a night club all by himself but his opponents were hoodlums not fel fel- low He had something subI substantial substantial sub sub- I to work on Some of my belligerent brethren in the writing game never lose JOSl an au argument but on the other hand none of them ever won a fight Neither did their literary opponents In fact next to the average professional professional protes- protes siona pugilist I can think of no one who in m the heat of combat equals a writer for showing such magnificent cent sell control sell control when it comes comes' either either ei either ei- ei ther to inflicting personal injury or s sustaining sta Ding same IRVIN s. s COBB Service I g CO |