Show WILt about U. U S. S Lags LaCs Behind HOLLYWOOD CALIF I AA I What I saw at the national national na na- na- na tiona air races in Los Angeles set me mc to thinking It Its It's a dangerous dangerous dangerous dan dan- thing thinking thing thinking is is- is is- is and nearly always upsetting to the tile peace of mind Im I'm thinking that no longer is Js the navy our first line of defense nor northe northe northe the army the second line Im I'm thinking t 7 that tha t the chief peril peril- A and the chief security f ty from that peril- peril J is in the the air now r And Ana of all the M s 's fu great powers we weare weare are the most ost woefully woe woe- M fully ully behind in the Iii matter of ot airplane 4 protection It would It l' l take us two years to tomake make our air force Coree Irvin S. S Cobb as strong as it was four lour years ago It would take infinitely infinitely infinitely in- in in in- finitely longer than that to make it as strong as the present footing of any country which conceivably might attack us Well VeU we could always lock the stable after alter the horse was gone gone if if the stable hadn't been blown flat fiat S S S Rules for Long Life LICe A J JAPANESE doctor has landed L i with the word that by following follow v ing lag a few simple rules a fellow lellow lives to be years old He didn't say but I figure this this this' applies only to those of us who never go motoring motor motor- ing The principal rules are to sleep on a hard mattress with a metal pillow and learn to wriggle v like a goldfish Whether in time the beginner be be- beI I ginner sprouts gills and a fan fantail tail is I Inot not stated but it sounds plausible Ive I've already spoken to a tinsmith about a n pillow and on awakening this morning made a few experimental experimental experimental mental wriggles My intentions might fool some people but I dont don't believe they'd fool a goldfish unless hed he'd been drinking or something Im I'm afraid my finning was faulty Besides I didn't feel fecI any too dignified fied greeting fled greeting the dewy dawn by I behaving S S S War Names Confusing Confusing- N NOT OT content with coining eighty or ninety separate different and confusing n names for the opposIng opposing ing lag forces In Spain Spai the correspondents correspond correspond- have gone and up a plum bran new one one extremists Maybe though the point is well vell taken The dispatches would seem rather to indicate that quite a number number num num- ber of persons over there have lately lately lately late late- ly shown a tendency to verge toward toward toward to to- ward the extreme And picking out the various parties parties par par- ties tins mixed UD no in the French cal mess mess that's that's another t- t tough gh j job b. b Only today I ran into this one one one-leU- left left- t centrist It sort of suggests Ty CobbIn Cobb Cobbin in his palmy days covering the outfield But that But that couldn't be because because because be be- cause the French dont don't go in for or baseball They prefer dueling as as beIng being beIng be be- ing just as exciting I must say its it's discouraging just when by following the news from Paris Im I'm beginning to get the Reds unscrambled from the Pale Pinks and the Mauves from the Heliotropes Heliotropes Helio Hello tropes and the Holy Rollers from Crom the Merry Widows to have this added added added add add- ed complication bust right in my face Looks as though Ill I'll have to start it all over again S S S now How to Reduce I EVER E Li VER since the day diy when I. I I was known among friends as Thyroid Thyroid Thyroid Thy Thy- roid Deficiency Irvy the human detour detour detour de de- de- de tour Ive I've fought the losing fight against overweight I tried dieting and became the best friend the American spinach industry industry in in- ever knew yet had only to turn my head to brag and I regained regained regained re re- re- re gained practically instantaneously wh what Id I'd lost I exercised until I I. I had the jitters but when Id I'd t taken ken of off half a pound it bounced right back while the doctors were were r reviving viv ing me S I But now Ive I've found the absolutely absolute absolute- I ly certain cure for reduction Its It's working in a moving picture with little Jane Withers When she sets the pace you can track yourself back home borne by your tion Another engagement ji with h Janle Janie and I could be ba rented out as DS my own living skeleton S S S Has lIas Memories of ot Valencia I ITS IT'S TS T'S hard to concentrate tc on pennant pennant pen pen- nant fights in the big leagues when we racked var Spain with already dead I hope the lovely old city of Valencia Va Va- I L lencia has escaped the common ruIn ru u In in Seven years ago ngo I was trav travel ing around and about over three l continents and at every stop had ad listened morning noon and night to the song Valencia So a friend and I made a pilgrimage pilgrim pilgrim- age to the town in which presumably presumably t. ably the thing originated and Valencia Va Va- lencia turned out to be the one spot on the map where nobody had ever played that tune or sung it or hummed It or or eV even n heard of it S SIt It was vas indeed a relief So we stayed a week The sherry and egg before luncheon was also quite good good all all but the eggl eggi IRVIN S S. 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