| Show First Reader and cn Eclectic c e C Primer rimer B Berate Edited oy by H. H I. I PHILliPS f V S SJ r rt J l y S iZi t w I I ii 1 1 1 THE STORY OF HILDA 1 1 Hilda came from an old New England family 2 Her 2 Her ancestors were all Purl Purl- tans 3 3 There There wasn't an Immodest or bizarre note In ma a carload carlond 4 She 4 She was raised In one of those J. J sheltered homes where long red flannel petticoats are still considered considered consid consid- ered and where the women women women wom wom- en folk still go In for the bustle Ina in ina a R big way 5 Her 5 Her parents made her go around with her her hair down her herback herback herback back until she was sixteen years old They thought It was cute G She G-She She went through school with I her skirts down to her ankles s wore heavy cotton hose and slept In woolen nighties 7 7 Her 7 Her r folks said she was the picture of Grandm Grandmother ther Agatha and I they wanted her to be like her I Grandmother Agatha was a woman campaigner against smoking frivolIty frivolIty frivolity frivol frivol- ity and Imm Immodesty desty In dress She thought a woman who went In bathIng bathing bathing bath bath- ing without stockings and a straw hat was a n. hussy huss S When S-When When home from school all nIl Hilda nUda h heard ard was long parental tall talks s son on the tile maidenly virtues Modesty was especially emphasized 9 She 9 She wasn't allowed to go to the pictures and never went to a bathing beach She was told that the modern bathing girl Irl was scandalous 10 It lo-It It was pretty tough 11 Ultimately ll-Ultimately Hilda revolted She ran away to the city 12 12 When When her parents p next heard from her she was doing very nicely in a chosen career 13 She 13 She had become a designer of smart on piece one bathing suits for young women and chairlady of a nudity cult MORAL You MORAL You can overemphasize over size anything e e e GENERAL INFORMATION TEST I Fill In th the blank spaces with the proper word The largest river In the United States is tile the The capital of new York Is Is There are days In a a. a week The first name of Jolson the comedian is is Ex Kaiser Kalser Wilhelm was former ruler of The last name of an actor whose first name is Charlie and who is famed for his custard pie pic throwIng throwing throwing throw- throw Ing Is is 0 W e e i Puppies The puppy Is a lovely pet A fact tact quite widely known But I would rather have one when It gets ets more fully grown This is Amy Am Am- y n brose He lie looks ba a pretty worn n Didn't Ambrose Ambrose Amy Am Am- y G brose always 1 way 8 always look like that No He Lie was 4 in v very e r y good shape last sum sum- m mers mer r. r s Has Ambrose lost weight or He lie must have dropped 50 pounds pounds- since fall faIL What caused Ambrose to drop so much weight weicht Leaves What kind of ot leases leates Tree leaves What have tree leaves got to do with Ambrose's dropping weight JS If It you lived in the suburbs you wouldn't ask such silly questions Again I ask you what have tree leaves got to do with a loss of weight by Ambrose Ambrose has bas one of ot those little homes with lots of nice big trees all aU around the place What of ot it Well WeH In the tho fall faU they begin shedding shedding shedding shed shed- ding if you ou know what I mean r u.- u. Shedding what l' l Shedding their summer garments lea Leaves es to you ou you big stupid 1 I What of it Ambrose being conscientious about keeping the premises nice 1 and neat has hag to rake them up How Bow often otten About once a day but It seems seema like every fifteen minutes Is this a hard Job jOI Try it and be convinced Ambrose Am Am- 6 4 brose no sooner rakes rake em all nIl up and piles plies them In the tho street and burns them than the sidewalk and grounds are all aU covered again Aint nature grand No you idiot I CURIOUS FACTS FOR CURIOUS PEOPLE The most frequently asked question question Question ques Ques- tion In America Is Gotta match In British Guiana there Is a barber barber barber bar bar- ber who does not suggest any scalp treatments The native American eel will y not eat hay or oats Nine out ont of ten pencil lead sharpeners sharpeners sharp sharp- eners are out of ot ordeA order orde A good way to prevent an an electrIc electric electric elec elec- fan an from blowing the papers off orr your desk Is to turn the desk upside down Hay nay fever e cannot be cured by sleeping In a n field full of goldenrod Franklin Delano Roosevelt's middle middle middle mid mid- dle name is Delano A blotter will mal make e an excellent nent porous plaster If It you smear one side with paste and apply It to the back I nU whip Buggy gy making has declined I heavily In the past two decades I WHAT'S TS T'S WRONG WITH THESE SENTENCES The young girl at the vacation resort r refused to to meet the young man when sh she heard h he had money Dont Don't mention the advertiser the radio announcer was instructed Instruct Instruct- ed et Just give em the program Pardon me said the taxIcab driver after atter his car had bad been struck by a careless motorist The man man who had said he would never ne go Into the stock marl market et again never went Into It again Never Ne mind the musical program program program pro pro- gram said the radio fan All AU I want to hear bear Is the announcer The specialist looked the patient over and did not recommend removal removal removal re re- moval of ot tonsils The American voter refused to I cast his ballot banot until he had weighed I all the Issues carefully and studied th the speeches ches of each candidate The business manager Interrupted Interrupt Interrupt- ed by the office boy who had bad come comeIn comeIn comein In to demand a raise and shorter hours smiled cheerily and granted both requests at once The commuter made a complete round trip in a smoking car without without without with with- out asking anybody y to play bridge ALL ABOUT EMIL Emil was born of ot the most conservative conservative con con- people You could go through the entire family history without encounterIng encounter- encounter Ing a man who had ever thrown caution to the winds His father was a a. grade-crossing grade watchman on an aban abandoned rail rail- road Ills His mother was a pioneer In the movement to m make e breathing through th the nose compulsory Rashness was a thing unheard of ot ofIn ofin otIn In the family EmUs EmU's folks not only looked before before before be be- fore they leaped but they awaited editorial advice from the pers As a child he was never allowed a pair of or skates because of a possible possible possible pos pos- sible excursion onto thin ice He He was was never allowed to have a sled because of the possibility he might taU fall oft off and ge get snow in his ears rs In the winter months his parents kept him Indoors most of the th-e time They even made him sleep in a Q room with the windows closed Mother made him wear rubbers when It t looked like rain and he be was the only boy In the neighborhood who was spanked If It he went to school without an umbrella They taught him never to take chances especially In the winter whIter time EmU Emil became so delicate that he ho could contract a n hard cold through forg forgetting tUng to button up his overcoat overcoat overcoat over over- coat while passing an Ice wagon But he ultimately rebelled and fled the domicile The folks didn't hear anything from him for a long time Then by chance they happened to see his picture In the rotogravure sections He Be had bad become one of the most daring ski Jumpers in tho the Swiss S A Alps MORAL You MORAL You can overdo any any- thing |
