Show READER IN DOUBT WHICH filCH WAY VAY TO JUMP IF AT ALL Dear Editor Like Will Rogers all I know is what I read in the papers papers and and listen to over the radio The other day I listened in on Roosevelt's speech in which he assailed the Republican tariff as being one of the principal causes of the world worldwide worldwide worldwide wide depression and in which he set forth his ideas for a flexible tariff schedule to be arrived at through trade negotiations with the various countries Being one of those headed bone-headed Republicans who has always figured figured figured fig fig- the tariff wall as an essential essential essential essen essen- measure for the protection of the American manufacturer and workman I failed to see just wherein his idea offered a solution solution solution tion of the problem It seemed to me that the substitution of or mixed trade relations would result in a more chaotic condition than the system now in use Talking with a prominent Democrat Democrat Democrat Dem Dem- I broached the subject to him and was gravely assured that the Smoot-Hawley Smoot tariff bill was the most damnable piece of legislation legislation legislation legis legis- lation ever perpetrated upon the American people and that the enactment enactment enactment en en- of that measure had ar- ar roused the enmity of other nations nations nations na na- na- na to such an extent that they had retaliated by barriers barriers barriers bar bar- of their own to bar out AmerIcan American American Am Am- goods If Roosevelt is elected says he you ou will see an immediate downward revision of the tariff schedule trade with foreign countries countries countries coun coun- I tries will be resumed factories will will open up men go back to work money plentiful and inside of three months the depression will be over Fine thinks I. I If that is all that is needed to lick Old Man Depression me for Democracy Ill I'll get me a donkey and join the parade parade never never did think much of ot otan an elephant as a private mount anyway big lumbering brute too darn slow and cumbersome Hooray Hooray Hooray Hoo Hoo- ray for Roosevelt Down with the tariff On with free trade free speech free love free anything I felt good The problem problem problem lem was solved All I had to do was march up to the polls with thirty million other jackasses on election day and put my cross beneath beneath beneath be be- neath the picture of a long eared hoss and the battle was won by gosh As I turned away from that fellow fellow fellow fel fel- fel- fel low and started for home I fancied fancied fancied fan fan- I could see the nose of Old Man Prosperity protruding around the corner Feeling as good as asa asa asa a repentant sinner who has just seen the light and went on home to enjoy a quiet hour and ruminate over my new found faith Well I opened the paper and turned to Roosevelt's latest speech and the first darn thing I see is where he had gone and promised the th-e cattle men of Arizona that if he got elected he would Insist on ona ona ona a tariff on cattle You bet he was going to protect the beef in industry industry industry in- in in this U. U S S. S A A. come hell or high water Being a vegetarian and not particularly particularly particularly par par- interested in beef I cannot can cannot cannot not see where this concession was going to hurt me much Just so I long as he kept it off wheat spuds sugar and the like I reckoned reckoned reck reck- I could get by Ill I'll admit I was a bit In him backsliding that way Reminded me of the time I the preacher whom Id I'd always thought bone dry comming out of Pas Pa's cider cellar wiping his mouth on his sleeve and smelling of hard cider I was still strong for him though until I heard that when he was up in Washington a while back he kind of snuck out on us usand i and left his tariff principles behind behind behind be be- hind while he talked to some of his friends in the lumber business up there Being a kind hearted guy and feeling sort of sorry for them what with shingles selling so cheap and all he traded them out of a few votes by promising to let them keep the old stump fence around their back forty forty forty- it was not any great shucks of a fence Today I see where he has decided decided decided de de- de- de to head bend south into the cot ton belt Ill I'll bet you a dollar that before he leaves that section some nice old southern gentleman will inveigle him into setting on the front porch and and sipping a few and by the time he gets ready to come home he will be in such a state that the fence around the cotton states will not look high at all Take it all in all I am right disappointed disappointed disappointed dis dis- dis- dis appointed in the chap And since I have been thinking it over I have about decided that as beasts go the elephant isn't so bad He HeIs Heis Heis Is slow and cumbersome maybe but good nature and intelligent Now take the donkey on the other hand he is a cantankerous cuss cussat cussat cussat at best quick on the trigger obstinate obstinate obstinate ob ob- ob- ob and pig headed and had rather use his heels any day In place of his head Yes the elephant elephant elephant ele ele- is a pretty good beast to depend on in a pinch he uses his head and has carrying capacity You can give him a normal load and then stick a jackass on top and he would never notice the additional additional additional ad ad- weight Ive I've been sort of undecided which one to follow but I doggone me if I dont don't believe I will stick sUck with the elephant for a awhile awhile awhile while even tho Hoover is driving the beast E. E W. W CROCKER |