Show WON HIGHEST HONOR IN HADES introducing A WELL KNOWN CHARACTER by alan pressley wilson through an underground although not an underhand channel I 1 have learned of a contest that that took place recently in hell the object of the contest da as stated by the devil himself was to enable lihn him to ascertain who among his evil cohorts was best fitted to occupy the next highest office in the realm of hell the conte contestants were given a term of years in which to per form farm the most diabolical diabolic nl deed each could devise obtain authenticated proof of its actual performance for mance and to present all evidence at a public meeting held for that purpose under bis seal the devil obligated himself to reward the one winning the contest by making that one his deputy give him power to reign with absolute authority during the devils indisposition or absence on vacation and to present him with scepter second only in fearfulness to that of the devil himself at the appointed time the cohorts of hell assembled in solemn conclave and each one in the audience was in breathless expectation to learn what the devil who ha I 1 announced previously that he was to be the sole judge in the contest would consider the most diabolical deed armed with documentary evidence in some instances filling to overflowing a lawyers brief case each con contestant te tant assem assembled bled on the platform and a smile of self satisfaction overspread the countenance of the one who at the call of the Arc holemon walked to a position in front of the khrone and recited his evil ev i I 1 valor and misdeeds without going into the details of what wasa anos most t sordid recital of rapine crooked dealing shame degradation dishonor and crime it will suffice to tel of odthe ahe last to present himself for the coveted honor when the name of old trusted subscriber was called by the a somewhat unfamiliar figure stepped to the front of the sta stage i ge and saluting his majesty began his hia recital there was little about his appearance to justify an onlooker in supposing that he belonged in that motley gang of evildoers nor did he carry much evidence of his wrongdoing in fact with the exception of a few letters and cards card 8 which lie he held conspicuously one auld c not discern that he was a candidate for the honor offered by the devil given permission to speak old trusted trusted subscriber related that lie he had subscribed for the local newspaper a number of years ago at first said he 1 I paid in advance a dv ance each year then I 1 found out that the tha editor was a pleasant sort of person trustful and hardworking and not disposed to press those who were incepted to him so I 1 began to let my subscription lapse every now and again the there appeared reappeared a notice in the paper t to 0 P pay ay U up P with a mild threat that back ac county would be placed in the hands handa of a lawyer for collection asa As a sort of sop I 1 went to the office and paid for a year on my indebtedness but never paid up in full not to mention paying in advance then I 1 made inquiry n ur y and found that those wh who 0 d did i n not 0 t scare a at t the threat to take legal action were not molested or troubled so I 1 decided J I 1 need not settle either in the meantime I 1 got all the personal mention and publicity I 1 wanted whenever we gave a party or had friends visiting at our house the editor always pub fished a note of it Wb whenever enever death came into the family or one of my children got married I 1 always wrote out a long accod account n t in which I 1 praised myself as being a representative citizen of the community and the editor always published it in full when euer one of me boys or girls girl went oi off to school the editor mentioned e d it when n they got agh marks or swon distinction the editor printed an account of it and I 1 figured that I 1 got twice the ithe value of the subscription price each year but year by year I 1 got further and further behind with my payments then I 1 moved away from town tow but as I 1 wanted to know of the doings in my old town and knowing full well that the home paper would chronicle all of cheso doi doings digs as well as publish anything I 1 might send in from my new home so that my friends might hear from me without the trouble of writing to them lor I 1 ordered the paper sent to my new address the editor tell fur for this imposition ane even wrote out without any suggestion from me a eu eulogistic item about my value to the community and the loss loda the com community munty 11 would feel at my going but this did not induce me to pay up before leaving when my paper was five years in arrears arrear s I 1 received a bill from the editor but paid no attention tolt to it here is the first second third and fourth bill I 1 received here also als is a notice from a lawyer and another from a collection agency asking me to oay my what I 1 justly owe the paper here too is evidence to the effect that I 1 ordered my postmaster to send notices at three different times advising th the editor that I 1 refused the piper paper t and here er cried ile i d his is majesty not a little elated at the gruesome recital this thia is the most diabolical deed that ever mortal could vest this demon with robe of office elevate him to a place pla ceon on the throne second only to mine mine place in his hand the scepter of author ityl bow the knee to the deputy devill |