Show G lir LIFE FE with adof by OHN JOHN H HENRY L ja Y georgiev john henry on the lovelorn AYI have you ever noticed that S bayl when a gink aluk with an aluminum headpiece la Is handed banded the this way out signal by his adored one he either hikes for a pickle parlor and begins to festoon his system with hops or he be stands in front of a hardware store and gazes gloomily at the guns you noticed it why you astonish me friend wife met me by appointment to take dinner at the saint Astor more the other evening and with her was her little brother stephen aged nine 1 I brought stevie with me because I 1 hud hil some shopping to do and hes so company peaches explained as wy we eat down in the restaurant Is always pleasant company I 1 agreed politely but with a watchful eyo eye on my youthful brother inlaw in law au all the while that kid was born barn with an abnormal baumy baumli of mischief and by painstaking endeavor he has won von the worlds championship as an organizer nf n impromptu riots oil oh john I 1 said bald peaches when I 1 began to make faces at the tha menu card 1 I notice until now how vale pale you loov havo you had bad a busy aay Bu kusy syll I 1 repeated well rather ive been riving flying imitations of a bullfight everybody I 1 met was tho the bull and I 1 was ana the fight nominate your oats it be stevie sponge cake said stephen promptly what else 7 asked peaches more afore sponge cake the tha youth replied and jut just then the smiling and sympathetic walter waiter stooped down to pick up a fork which stephen had dropped dr oppen in his anxiety not to rolas miss anything stevie rubb ered acrobatically with the result that he upset a glass of ice water down the waiters walter ls neck and three seconds later the tray trotter had issued an extra and was saying things in french that would sound scandalous it if translated it cost trio me a dollar to bring the diab dragger back to earth and stevie said I 1 could break his bank open when we got homo home and take all the money it if id let him do it again just then I 1 got a flash of dike lawrence bearing down in our direction under a full head bead of benzine dike was escorting a three days Jag and whispering words of encouragement to it A good fellow dike but he permit a distillery to use his thirst as aa a testing station hes too temperamental II arye mrs john lie ho gurgled as the waiter pushed an extra chair under howdy john how de do little mant man me tor for int erupting a pertly splendid family party my mistake im all in it im all in and its your fault john all your fault 1 wrong dike I 1 inquired he martin led j 6 ieli at marry me this minute or I 1 will shoot you in the topknot I 1 all wrong lesh have drink my mistake think of lt it before your little son growing to bo be a splendid I 1 boy mra airs johnl john this Is stephen my little brother not my iny little son peaches explained we any children she added nervously dike carefully closed one eye and focused tho the other on her any little son my mistake bhea he be turned tho the open gle gig lamp on rie mo and began again sed at you john little son la Is the most wonderful won erful thing any father and mother could possess with the possible of 0 a lil aint that so BO mrs airs johnt john little brother Is all right blit dont compare with little son aon look nt at me mrs airs john cant over ever have little son eon when I 1 think about it I 1 could bust right out crying arlt arlot hai made mi ma almost hysterical hyst hysterical orical hys hya tol lifted 1 I mean im nervous lesh leah baan denk Inn te I 1 eone dike I 1 baked asked each minute you look more nd moro more like mona alone I 1 lea asa without tho the amile the trouble all your fault john he be on again most girl she aha was urs john bagful baw ful with won erful gray hair and golden eyes per fly bertul bew tul ful girl I 1 told your husban all about her 1 I made confession that I 1 was madly in love with this girl and your husban told rue me to go and propose to her and drag her off to a minister and I 1 did propose my mistake after i I 1 made my speech she said to me this girl said to me all right no doubt you do love me but are you eugenic and I 1 said no im presbyterian dike paused to let the horror of the scene sink in and then he tell fell overboard again with a moist splash i that girl jus glanced at me coldly ju merely indicated the door that girl and I 1 passed out of her life trever frever two days later 11 I 1 found out jus what eugenic meant and belleve me from my heart my sincere regret la Is that I 1 was not college bred before I 1 met that lawful girl saying this ho he grabbed a wineglass from tho the table and held it close to his heart in order to illustrato illustrate the intensity of hla his feeling the next instant a thick reddish liquid began to flow sluggishly over the bosom of his immaculate white shirt and was lost in the region of 0 his equator seeing which dike gave vent to a yell that brought the waiters on the hot foot im stabbed stabbed groaned the startled jag carpenter clutching wildly at his shirt front as the plate passers bore him away to a haven of rest its my clam cocktail whispered stephen to me 1 I poured it in hla his wineglass cause they was too much to bascum sauco sauce in it for r me brave boyt boyl I 1 answered it was a kindly deed then we finished our dinners in all the refined silence or of saint Ast Astor armore more so carefully furnishes dikes sad story of misplaced affection and an unused dictionary puts us wise to the fact act that in these changeful days even the old fashioned idea of courtship has been chased to the woods it used to be that on a saturday evening the young gent cent would draw down six dollars worth of salary and chase himself to the barber shop where the bolivian lawn trimmer would put a crimp in his mustache and plaster his bla forehead with three ahree cents worth ot of heir hair and a dollars dollar I 1 a worth of axle grease then the you young g gent would go out and spread 40 cents around among the tra tradesmen dearrion for a mesa of lilies of the valley and a bag of peanut brittle the lilies of tho the valley wera to put on the dining table tabla so mother would be pleased and with the peanut brittle ho he intended to fill in the weary moments when he and his little ge geisha islia girl were not making googoo goo goo eyes at each other but nowadays it Is in different what with eugenics and tho high speed of living dan cupid spends most of hla his time lime on the hot foot be oe tween the coroners and the divorce court nowadays when a clever young man goes to visit his hia sweetheart he hikes over the streets la in a benzine buggy and when he pulls pulla the bellrose bell rope at the front dror door he be has a rapid fire revolver in one pocket and a bottle ot of car carbolic bolla acid in the other ills his intentions are honorable and ho he wishes to prove them so BO by shooting hla his lady love if ahe he kenigs when he ha makes a play for her ier hand I 1 think tho the pid style was the best because when young people quarreled they need an ambulance and a hospital surgeon to aela them make up in the old days Si green would draw the stove stova brush cheerfully lya across crosa his dogskin shoos and rush lusti with aag eager ar feet to see lena jones the girl he wished to make the wife of hta his bosom darling simpson would say 1 I am sure to the bad for love of you ripe pipe the downcast droop in this thia eye of mine und and notice the way my heart la IA babbling bubbling over like j bottle of sar spar apar via lla on a hot dayl day be mine lemal lie he minell it then lena len would giggle not mot ace but seven giggles 1 something like those used in a spas spasm m then she would reply no simpson it cannot be rate fate wills it otherwise then simpson would bite hla his finger nalls nails pick his hat up out of the coal co al scuttle and say to lena false onel you love conrad the floorwalker to in the butcher shop curses on conrad and see aeo what you have missed lena I 1 have tickets for a swell chowder party next tuesday ah farewell fo revert reverl then simpson would walk out and hunt up one ot of those places that cant got get an all night license and there with one arm glued around the bar rail raft he would fasten hla his system to a jag which would last a week despair would grab him and like dike hed be simpson with the souse thing tor for sure when he would recover strength enough to walk downtown without attracting tr the attention of the other side alda of the street he would call on lena and say lena forgive me tor for what I 1 done but love Is blind and besides I 1 mixed my drinks lena I 1 was on the downward path and I 1 nearly went to helgeland Hel goland then lena would say oh I 1 wanted you to prove your our love b but t I 1 thought prove it with beer and not redeye red eye forgive me dar darling lingl then they would kiss and make up and the wedding bolla bells would ring just as soon as simps salary grew large enough to tease a pocketbook i but these days the idea Is altonet altogether h er different children are hardly out of the cradle before they are arrested for butting VICA fro im edill groaned the startled jag carpenter into the speed limit with a smoke wagon even when they go courting they have to play to the gallery nowadays gonsalvo H 11 lotz walks into the parlor to see sea miss imogene Hoff brew wie belits imogene imogenea Imo genel I 1 says bays gonsalvo says imogene standing at right angles near the piano bresuss she thinks she is a gibson girl imogene dearest gonsalvo continues 1 I called on your papa la in wall street yesterday to find out how much money you have but he refused to name the sum therefore you have untold weal wealth 1 gonsalvo pauses to let the parisian clock on the mantle tick uck tick tick I ile he le Is making the bluff ot of his life you see and he has to do even that on tick besides this furnishes the local local color then gonnallo Gonn alvo bursts forth again Imo imogene genel ohl oh imogene Imo gone will you bo be mine and I 1 will be thine without money and without the price gonsalvo consalvo pauses to let this idea get noised about a little then he goes on be mine imo genet genel you will be minus the money while I 1 will have the price gonsalvo trembles with the passion which Is consuming his pocketbook and then imogene turns languidly from a right angle triangle into more of a straight front and hands gonsalvo a bitter look of scorn theo then gonsalvo grabs his revolver and aiming it at her marble brow a exclaims marry me this minute or I 1 will shoot you in the topknot because I 1 love you then papa rushes into the tha room and gonsalvo lons alvS politely requests the aleman to hold two or three bullets for him for a few moments gonsalvo then bites deeply into a bottle of car carbolic bolle add acid and just as the coroner climbs into the house the pie pic tures turea of the modern over lover and lover ess appear in the newspapers and fashionable society receives reo elvea a lou jolt this la Is the new up bdate to date way of making love however I 1 think the tha old style of courting is the best beat because you can generally stop sk jag before it gets to the tha undertaker what do roa i on think |