| Show I FIRST LADY OF THE GARDEN HOSE Oh Can You See by the Lawns Lawn's Early Blight e BATTLES FOR THE THIRSTY BLADES By H H H. I I. I PHILLIPS MISS LAWN LAWNIN IN ANY PROLONGED dry spell pen there is I. in every community the theman theman theman man and end woman who find an outlet out out- Yet let for a full fun expression of their sense ense of sacrifice in all out all out toilet solid tude for the lawn Here the they make the ultimate effort eUort the grand fight the supreme battle Their heart bleeds for tor evel every blade of grass grus They are aha shaken ken to the depths by the tiniest yellow patch In our neighborhood Miss Mas Arabella Ara bella belle Is la easily eull tops as all the great lawn lover In suy moderately dry spell she aloe can cango cango go ro to extremes but bat In a real drought when the reservoirs are low and the water supply auppl critical she U s a study In n devo devo- devotion devotion tion lion to the tile cause of the ever ever- damp lawn Then she ahe becomes a first lad lady of the garden rarden hose a duchess of the sprinkler The lawn Is s her first thought at dawn and her last at night Famous battlers for great human causes have shown less energy Fighters to ease the plight of ot undernourished undernourished un peoples have shown hown no greater energy Yes a water famine is threatened families are urged to go eo easy orphan asylums and hospitals have han been cautioned to watch the outlets but with Miss her grass is a must must with top priority Lincoln showed no greater concern for the slaves Clara Barton Darton was no more zealous for the sick and wounded She was marked Her ner mother was frightened by a bare patch in a agreen agreen agreen green hall runner or something She has a bare patch bare patch complex Were she with Noah In the flood she would have come aboard the ark with two lengths of hose and two sprinklers Her lIer lawn is an astoundingly vivid green when everything ing else in hollyhock heights is sere sue and drab Yo You can see her busy about It morning noon and night ever every fiber of her being astir over the thought one little blade may be thirsty She is haunted by a fear of dl dry patch One hose Is not enough Miss has two And her second love Is the sprinkler She likes the wide throated full revolving fast type When not watering the lawn she goes window window win win- dow Bow shopping for new automatic sprinkler models A grand canal mood marks her premises It Aint Gonna Rain NoMore No NoMore More is her theme song She shoots the waterworks not only ondry on ondry ondry dry hot days but even when it rains Her Iler faith in Providence and the elements is shaky Let it rain all aU night and she is out there with the hose In the morning Miss slogan la is The HOSE must go on Yoo hoo move the larger sprinkler sprinkler sprinkler ler over a foot lady Theres There's a blade there that teems seems Hitler's yacht Aint so ao hacht So In tn In a visit to the Grille Grute once the yacht of der fuehrer we are sure we should imagine that great nautical figure that wonderful exponent ex exponent of all aU fine sea traditions rolling and pitching In a terrific storm and bellowing All AU is lost The microphone hat has been swept away 0 0 0 I go to 10 Ih tbt be movies mos and nd J wh do Jo doI I 1 gel gel gd Rome Romance nil nd red romance ome and nd moreo more mort ot oJ oit it il yet d I 1 turn lurn on 0 the tbt radio lIdio I go to 10 a show how More Mort mush g between bw t a Jm dm dams and J a I 1 pick id u up a pulp pale ul or 0 I 1 pick ek u up a II ilick slick slick- A Again if iI its it's i II a rooster coating chasing a chick its Ifs most revolting voll it 11 t makes make me m. ill ill ill- Cause CIlUS Im I'm a lack Jack without a Jill Tom Tom I 0 o 0 oThe 0 I IThe The American association of university uni university I professors upholds the right of all aU teachers to be communists provided they keep it out of the classrooms This Is like saying ItIs itis it itis is all right to carr carry lighted matches match match- es Cs in a hay loft provided only good goodwill goodwill goodwill will is shown toward the barn We liked Bill Vaughans Vaughan's crack in his KC Star column The woman scorned is now surpassed in fury tury by the babe who never even met the guy but shoots him anyway S s The active head of a yacht club Is called a commodore A commodore Is U a cross between a humidor and a matador Behas He Be has to be kept damp like a humidor and throwing bull-throwing like a matador Being a commodore entitles you to wear a motorman's motorman coat white duck pants and a cap 0 e 0 0 Theres There's good news in the economic economic eco eco- economic picture A slight slump is reported in the slight aught slump o |
