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Show SEEN EEN ENod 8i1d d BEARD BEARDMAIN IlEARDI - HEARD I-lEARD I lEARD I I - o e > " - "MAIN MAIN " MAIN STREET STUET STREETIscolons [ . . . r r7s 7s . - = 1 = r I IIsycologists I I Isycologists Is Iscolons } ) cologJ"ts cologJts " ts say you cin cut ( "U1 U1 " tell tell"hen tellwhen tell11 "hen hen when " hen a Ii ncishbor ncighbor neighbor plans to bor borrow borrow borrow row sometluntr sometlunl something : " even before lte he lteasks heasks heasks asks But it tt takes more tItan than thana tItana a Ps pscholoyist psychologist } ) chologtSt to tell " when "hcn hcn beull hesun he be heMill Mill \ull ull sun \ brmr brmg bring it back b'lck blck ' . . 0 . . A lot of men asL ash ask . for a candId candIdopinion candidopinion candidopinion ' opinion , , \ when hen all ! . they .hey hey " want "ant ant is a acar acat cal car died opinion . . . . PO'IE POIE POME PO'IEIn POMEIn POMEIn ' In tender loving lOVInI : ' memoryOf memoryOf memory memoryOf Of J'l Jl Ji Jisper ' per : Ewme Iwmg Ewing Drakcs Drakes DrakcslIe DrakesIle Drakeslie lIe Ile had Iud l 1 a ' . sweet swcet abiding nbldlng faithIn faithIn talth faith talthIn In o 0 her peoples people s brakes br'lkcs brlkcs brtkcs ' . . . . DefinitionSUCCESSFUL Definition Defimtion DefimtionSUCCESSFUL DefinitionSUCCESSFUL SUCCESSFUL HABERDASHER HABERDASHEROne One . who v.ho vho bet heavily heaV1ly on the rightcandidate rightcandidate rieht right riehtcandidate candidate . . . . No Lena a Ii Political pobheal Pohtical Asplr Aspir Asplrant Aspirant Aspirant ant isn Ian isnt t somethinf something you take takefor takefor takefor for a New Deal headache . . . . Elections may come and electionsmay elections electionsmay electionsmay may go but candidates placards placardsremain placardsremain placardsremain remain on fence posts and tlees trees tleesforever treesforever tieesforever forever . . . . A husband and wife bridge bridgetournament bridgetournament bridgetournament tournament is under way in an anEastern anEastern anEastern Eastern \ ttashington ashlngton ilashington city Pro Probably Probably Probably bably sponsored sIOI1Srcd ! ( ) by a furmture furniture furmtureman furnitureman furnitureman man who hoped to promote thesale the thesale ( hesale sale of twin twm beds . . . . Granny Grann Grarm } my boy friend has cold coldfeet coldfeet coldfeet feet What can I do about it ? Shame on you In my day we wedldn wedidn wedidnt dldn didn t find out about such thmgs things thingsuntil thmgsuntIl thingsuntil untIl we v . were ere married marned . . . . Ho How " toold to avoid asoid \old old \ criticism Do noth nothing nothing nothing ing know nothing nothmg see nothing . . . S . Sltlrstakes \ IMistakes I\ltstakes I ltstakes ltlrstakes Will Win IbppenThe HappenThe Happen Ibppen HappenThe The judge This iouns oung young lady sa sass sassyou sassiou s you ou tried to speak to her at thestation the thestation thestation thestationDefendant station stationDefendant Defendant It . was v.as vas a . mistake mistakeI your honor Ias I \ was \\as as looking for my myt mytloom myloom ' 100m loom mate mates s sirl girl " whom "horn horn I ha had nenr nescr nenrsecn nescrseen neverseen secn seen before but \ who ssho \ ho had been de desCllbed descrlbed desciibed sCllbed scrlbed to be a hand&ome handome hanruome handsome , & blondewlth blonde blondeith .Ith Ith wlth . ith cia classic sIc < ; features flne fine complexion complex complexIon complexion Ion perfect figure b autlruIly autifully autlruIlydre autifullydressed aulifullydressed dre dressed scd and- and andThe and - The g gri rl ri I I don dont t CI'll CIll caie care ' e to urose arose arosecute urosecute orosecute \ cute the gentelmananybody ecntelman gcntelman gentelman - anvbody -anybody anybody might mighthae mighthave ha\e ha e hate mighthate \ made the same mistakeWhen mistake mightI might I . 00 . I When you hold a grude prude affamst against againsta affamsta a man oiggor olgger oigger thanOU than \ vou \OU OU you b b- b bnonchalint - non nonohal"nt nonchalant nonchal-int nonchal int ohal"nt ohalnt chalant " - keep kcep on holding holdmg it . . . . Twenty Tv.enty Tventy . fiTe five years from nowwe now nowwe nowwe we will wlU be tellng tel ing mg our grand grandclllldren grandchildren grandchildren clllldren children how ho\v ho v \ we could ha\e ha e hale haemade halemade havemade \ made our fortune it If we liad had 111 in 111cstcd inrested invested cstcd rested , m Ul stocks in 1938 _ . . . . .J J . " ' - Smith It savs sags oa ; s here in the paper paperthat paperthat paperthat that they are no now " , making makmg shinft shmg shing e esout es esout : . > out of concl concdeteJones conciete concdete concieteJones ete eteJones Jones Then I take back what I IJust Ilust Ijust Just lust said about wlShm wishing I J s \ " "ere ere ere a aboy aboy aboy boy again . . . * . rO'1E rO1E PO PO-MEI PO MEI rO'1EI ' - % IE IEI I sneezed neczed a sneeze sngeze n eze into II1to the aIr aIrIt airit airIt It fell to the pound ground I know notw not notnhercBut w " nhercBut here hereBut hereBut But hircl h'lrd hlrd haul ' and cold " were "ere ere the looksof looksof looks looksof of those thoseIn thoseIn thoseIn In whose vinnity VlllDlty vuinity I snoze . . . . Oscar Hassenpfetrer IIassenpfefTer Hassenpfeffer shrted stlrted shrtedto stlrtedto stirtedto to read the new bookolid book { \\olid olid bird \ ttoildHistory birdHistory olidIIlstory IIlstory History from 5000 B C to 1938 1938A 1938A 193 193A A D but dldn didnt t like lake the way wayIt wayit wayit It ends . . . . ServiceAfter Service SerV1ce SerV1ceAfter ServiceAfter After putting the gasoline in the thetank thetank thetank tank the attendant came around aroundto aroundto aroundto to the driver and beganCheck beganCheck began beganCheck Check the oil 01l ? NaI Naw Na\\ Na Nan \ I looked at it yesterdayHow yesterdayHow yesterday yesterdayHow How re the tires ? 0 o KWater KWater K KWater Water in the radiator ? Yep plenty plentyIs Ienty IentyIs Is there anything else sir ? Yeah bend over I want to toI1ght tolight tolight I1ght light a match . * . * . . It If a farmer farmcr sells five bail's bails bales bail'sof balesof balesof ' of cotton at $60 60 $ a bale he mIl will mIlgeta willgeta willget get-a get a - a used car . * . . . But doctor you gave me an entirely different d agnosis yesterday yester yesterday yesterday yesterdayThit day dayTht dayThat Thit Th\t Th t That ' \ just goes to thow show Madam Madamhow Madamhow Madamhow how rapidly medical science advance advanes ad vance vanes . . . . Peicy Pelcy Percy IVhVTIctrcc Uh'TIctree UhTIctree 1h'Tlctree 1hTlctree % ' declares derlareg he hencel henewt henovel heI I nc\el nc el newt \ tistcs hstc tastes ! > liquor hquor I swallowtoo bwallow swallow bwallowtoo swallowtoo too fist hst he cxplilnetl e'Cphlncd eCphlncd c'cpltined ccpltined ' . * . . . DefinitionHUSBAND DefimhonHUSBAND Definition Defimhon DefinitionHUSBAND HUSBAND A five ton truck at atthe atthe atthe the office but only a trailer trallcr at athome athome athome home . . . * . It has bas been a long time sincewe since sincewe sincewe we have bave seen anione a11)One a11One anyone a11)One110 ) \ who \\110 110 110.1S was wasafnld ' w \.1S .1S \ .1Safnld . isatr-lid isatr lid afnld - of the serins penns germs ; on papcr paper papcrmoney papermoney papermoney money . * . * . . I One of the most famous stOl1es stories stOl1esabout storiesabout storiesabout about Will wm Rogers is told of the thetime thetime I tIme he \ was as Invited to a swanky S\1 S 1 swankydinner \ , anky ankyI ankydinner ) I dinner dinnerHthout without \Hthout Hthout \ Mrs Rogeis Rogels Rogers He He"ent Hevent Hevent "ent ent vent " and " was "as as a a&ked aked asked & ked to entertain entertainLater entertainLater I ILater Later the socially soclally ambitious hostI hostCSb hostess host | ess CSb roomed rcceiv rcccn ed a n . b11 b 11 for his services servicesAmazed servicesAmazed servicesI I Amazed she ha sa a d Wl WI y I thought thoughtyou thoughtyou thoughtyou you v . were ere a , guest His ans answer " er "as as was "ascharactcllstlc wascharacter " wascharactciistic wascharactciisticI charactcllstlc character istrc istrcI charactcllstlcI I am never a guest he ho said saidv.hen saidwhen saidi . when v.hen vhen Mrs Rogers Is 15 1s not invited inV1ted I |