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Show whatthinks what . ( .cgb cgb . b Jt.V JtV . ! 't t ' ) thinks thinksabout thinks = about . : The Biff Big Book Craze . SANTA CANTA MONICA , CALIF- CALIF CALIFWe're CALIFWe're CALIF . - k- k kWe're - We're Were ' promised a histori hIstorI- hIstorIcal historical historical - - cal novel longer than any yetsay yetsay yet yetsay -say say - say half a million words or orso orso orso so Of course , , the author authorprobably authorprobably authorprobably probably uses some words at atleast atleast atleast least twice , but that won't wont ' ' re- re reduce reduce re reduce - - duce the gross tonnage un- un unless unless un unless - less they're theyre ' very short words . I can't cant ' tal e a it While still con convalescent convalescent convalesccnt valescent from ' ' Anthony Adverse Adverse"I AdverseI , " I was stricken downby down downby downby by 'Gone Gone ' Gone With Wllh theW10d theWind the tSS tSSWind t ta Wind W10d ' . and .md md had SLlcha sjch SLlch such U Ua \a a \ a relapse that evennow evennow even now I barely canhold canhold can I . hold on my stomachsuch stomach " ' such comparatIvely11ght comparatively - w ' " llight 11ght light and tnfl10gstuf triflingstuff trifling tnfl10g g | stufT stuf stuff ! as volume VETto VETto VET 'to to ' "cyclopcdia cyclopcdia "cyclopcdiaWhen " to ZYM of the encyelopcdla encyclopedia en- en en"cyclopcdia - ' cyelopcdla cyclopedia cyelopcdlaWhen " ' When reading readmg thlSmodern this thlS t , modern bulk htcra- htcra lItera- lItera lIterature htcra52turc - 52turc % ture , it 1t upsets me to Cobbfind Irvm Irvin m S Cobb find my legs go1Og going go1Ogto goingto goingto to sleep before I do And the con constant constant conslant stant pressure makes callouses on onmy onmy onmy my ; second cecond mezzanine mezzanme landing landmg landingI landmgI I admit these mass productIon productionbooks productionbooks i ibooks books serve nicely mcely as door stoppers stoppersnnd stoppersand stoppersand nnd and for pressing pressmg wild wl1d flowers I Ialso Ialso Ialso also heard of a chapho chap \ who \\ho ho ttho \ detected detecteda a prowler under his window wmdow and anddropped anddropped anddropped dropped a frothy little work of fic ftc ficbon ftction fietion bon tion weighing welghmg slightly less than nme nine nmetounds ninehounds nineoounds tounds hounds ) on the back of the fellow s sneck sneck sneck neck dislocating dlsloeatmg three vertebrae vertebraeAt At last accounts , the surgeons were werestIll werestill werestill stIll picking plckmg long jagged chapters chaptersout chaptersout . out of his hlS spmeIn spineIn spine spme spineIn In my present mood . , what I crave craveIS craveis craveis IS the romantic stuff of olden days daysin , in which our sainted samted Aunt Sophle Sophie Sophlewas Sophiewas Sophiewas was waslont wont \lont lont Mont \ to inscribe mscnbe 'Alas Alas ' Alas , how howsad howsad howsad sad " I ' " or "Only Only 'Only " ' Only too true truet I ' " in m pale palev101et paleviolet paleviolet v101et violet ink mk on the margins margms What Whathappened Whathappened Whathappened happened to all the Aunt Sophles Sophies Sophies.anyhow7 Sophiesanyhow7 . , anyhow ? ' S . a * . 1 . 1An An Actor's Actors ' Temperament . ' " ' [ ( A ZT'E'VE ZTEVE TE'VE TEVE ' ' all been waiting waltmg for forsomethmg forV forVT WE'VE WEVE V y ysomething something somethmg to top it , but the thebest thebest thebest best wheeze of the month remams remains remamsthe remainsthe remainsthe the one that was emitted emltted , not by a apaId apaid apaid paId gagstcr gagster , but by a simple stage stage- stagehand stagehand stagehand - hand at one of the studios when Mr Mr.Leslie MrLeslie . . LeslIe Howard refused to go on onmakmg onmaking onmaking makmg making a picture plcture until a group of ofdlstmgUlshed ofdistinguished ofdistinguished dlstmgUlshed distinguished visitors vlsltors , including mcludmg Mr MrCharles MrCharles MrCharles Charles Norns Norris , the novelist , had hadbeen hadbeen hadbeen been shooed oil of off ! the set . . ' , He ain't aint am't amt ' sore at you gents , " stat stated stated stated ed the stage hand to the ousted par par- parties parties parties - ties , . ' but he's hes ' been playin playm ' 'Ham Ham 'Ham- 'Hamlet 'Hamlet ' - . let ' on the regular stage and he am ash t tused tused tused used to havin havm ' ' a crowd watchin watchm watchrn ' ' hIm hImwhIle himwhile himwhile ' ' ' ' " whIle he's hes actm actin If Mr Norns Norris and his friends want wanted wanted wanted ed to see some really great actmg acting actmgthey actingthey actingthey they should have patronized the pro professlOnal professional professional fesslOnal fessional wrestling matches That's Thats That'swhere That'swhere That'swhere Thatswhere ' where they put on the heavy dra dra- dramatIc dramatic dramatic - matic stuff-beautlfully stuff beautlfully stuff-beautifully beautifully stun - beautifully rehearsed rehearsedperfectly , perfectly donea done a . a * . * . Children's Childrens Chlldrcn's Chlldrcns ' EducationI EducationLIKE EducationI EducationLIKE Education EducationULIKE ULIKE I LIKE the way the v w . wealthyclasses ealthy ealthyclasses ealthyclasses classes in 10 England rear theIr theIrchlldren theirchildren theirchildren chlldren children Little Rosemary doesn't doesnt doesn'treclte doesn'trecite doesn'trecite doesntrecite ' reclte recite tor for the company after dmner dinner dinnerand , and if Master Jones Terwillager Terw1l1ager r.b- r.b Mi- Mi r.bnor Minor : . Mi Minor - nor gets uppity at school , he gets getsthrashed getsthrashed getsthrashed getsthrashedMany thrashed thrashedMany Many a rich rlch American has known knownhow knownhow knownhow how sharper than a serpent's serpents ' tooth toothIt toothit toothit It is to see his daughter grow up a awanton awanton awanton wanton and his hlS boy turn out a wast 'vast vast waster 'vaster ' waster er Yet , with a few exceptIons-so exceptIons so exceptIonssofew exceptions - sofew few that the newspapers comment commenton on them-It them It them - it never seems to occur occurto occurto occurto to these fond fathers f.lthers flthers . that less of ofcoddlmg ofcoddling ofcoddling coddlmg coddling and pampering pampermg and spol1 spoil spoiling spoiling 109 ing m 10 in adolescence and more of ofwholesome ofwholesome ofwholesome wholesome discipline dlsclplme might produce producea a higher hlgher a\ a at aerage \ erage grade of helrsWhat heirsWhat heirs helrs heirsWhat What set me to thinking thmkmg along thlS this thlSlme thisline thisline lme line was being bemg t'other tother t'otl1er totl1er ' night mght at a aparty aparty aparty party v . where here a poor little four year- year yearold yearold year-old year old - old , having havmg already the pitiable as- as assurance assurance as assurance - surance of a veteran pnma prima donna donnawas , , was fetched in m to give glve impersona impersona- impersonatIons Impersonations impersonations - - tions She never again agam could imper Imper- Impersonate impersonate impersonate - sonate natural babyhood though thoughmore's thoughmores , more's mores mare's mares ' ' the PIty pityl ! And her pert small smallbrother smallbrother smallbrother brother was encouraged to doml domi dominate dormnate n.1 n1 nate . te the talkMark talkMark talk talkMark Mark my word for it , . that Lid kId JS is JSgomg isgoing isgoing gomg going to come to no good end-not end not endnoteven endnoteven end - noteven even a \ ' well 'tell tell \ ell spanked end , , whichwould whichwould which whichwould would helpa help a . * . a . aMr \ Mr l\lr l lr . Pmcus Pincus ' Coup . ON IN THESE topsy turvy times lib liberal liberal liberal eral minded mmded patriots who are arestnvmg arestriving arestriving stnvmg striving to steer a middle course coursebetween coursebetween coursebetween between ultraenthusiastic ultraenUmslashe left wing wmg- wmg wing- wmgers wingers wingers - ers and ultraconscrvative ultrlconservatIve ultraconservative : rlghUsts rightists rlghUstsmight rightistsmight rightistsmight might do v . well ell , , methinks methmks , , to follow followthe followthe followthe the a example eampll camplo " , ' set by Mr . . PmcusMr PmcusMr Pmcus PmcusMr Mr Pincus had opened a clothmg clothing clothmgstore clothingstore clothingstore store Immediately on one side slde of ofhlm ofhim ofhim hlm him was has \ as the clothing store of Mr MrGmsbelg MrGinsbeig MrGinsbeig Gmsbelg Ginsbeig and immediately Immedlately on the theother theother theother other sIde'tas side \ was \'tas 'tas tas ' the clothing clotlung store of ofMr ofMr ofMr Mr Drejfus Dreifus , and three elotlung clothing elotlungstores clothingstores clothingstores stores in "a a 'a n ' " row were too many even evenfor evenfor evenfor for Esse Essex - " , streetSo streetSo street streetSo So the adjacent anJacent competItors competItorsframed competitorsframed competitorsframed framed a plot to put the newcomerout ne\\ ne necomer newcomer newcomerout \ \ comer comerout out of business Next morning mornmg thelr their thelrrIval theirrival theirrival rIval , coming commg down to open up upfound , found over Mr Dreifus Dreffus ' establ1sh establish establ1shment establishmeat establishment ment meat a flaming fIammg legend , to WIt WItBANKRUPT witBANKRUPT witBANKRUPT BANKRUPT SALEAnd SALEAnd SALE SALEAnd And above Mr Gmsberg's Gmsbergs Ginsberg's Ginsbergs ' door doorW.1S doorwas doorwas W.1S W1S was . this thlS equally prominent promment an ann ann3uncement annfiuncement n n3uncement uncement : : CLOSING OUT SALEWllhm SALEWithin SALE SALEWithin Within Wllhm an hour , smeared smelred : acrosS acrossthe acrossthe ! the entire front of Mr Pincus Pmcus ' store storeexactly , . exactly in 111 between the other two twoappeared , appeared a huge sign lgn reading readmg as asfollows asfollows asfollows follows ' . 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