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Show SEEN $ EEN "alIDC BtJd 8h 8hMAIN " HEARD "alID alID -C C - O/ol O ol > / - MAIN STREET STUfET STREETDon't STREETr . . . h- h . , - " - - " r STREETw w i iIf Don't Dont ' think thml ) you you oU arc are famous famousif , If people stop to look 1001 . at t "on on you ' " . . . vou.Maybe vouMaybe .Maybe Maybe Mfaybe athactlngattention attractingattention you are ate just lust athactlng attracting atdactincattention attention attentionU attentionH U H : : : : Quit Qwt Qtut talking ab abcut about ut vourself ourse1f yourself . , sug- sug sug - gests suggests Dad Gummit Gumnllt Gumnut , and see if 1f any- any - body any-oody any oody anybody else brings bnngs up the subject ubJect : : : tt t : t : t $ : t : tProverb FToerbDo ProverbDo Proverb FTo\erb FTo erb ProverbDo \ Do right nght and fear no man Don t twnte twrite twrite wnte write , and fear nooman no \ woman \\oman oman N Payments"and Paymentsand TWO FABLES- FABLES FABLES'Easy - ' 'Easy Easy Eay ' $ Payments " " and 'Painless Painless ' Extraction " I l lIts : : t : n n"It enjoy"said enjoysaid "It It "Its Its " Its s not only my v . work nI ork I enJoy , , " I Eaid said the taxi driver dnver " ' "Jt's Jts "n's ns "it's its also the thepeople thepeople thepeople people I run into " : a : a : aDefinition DefirutlonDEAD DefinitionDEAD Definition Defirutlon DefinitionDEAD DEAD END STREET In ( ( In Scot Scot- - land Scotland ) : One with a toll bridge bndge on itu it'He it I , . . , . a U ; ; ' ' 'He He ' He had been bn ; ; , to a stag dmner dinner dmnerand dinnerand dinnerand and . when v.hen vhen he got home his h1S dmnerI wife wifewanted wifewanted wifewanted I wanted itf it"Well itWell to hear all about it f " "Well Well Well " " . , he said , "one one rather odd thing oddthing occurred Jim Black got up and upand left the table tab1e because someone told someonetold a story stOI ' } he d1dn didnt t approve appro\ appro approe \ e of . " How 'How ' noble of Mr Black , " ex- ex exclaimed e ex exclaimed c- c cclaimed - claimed the wife , and what v . was as I the wasthe story , John ? " IL G . i . h : . : St U : U UAmenC3n : : American AmenC3n girls arc are larger than largerthan they used to be . , say the themed1cs themedics themedics med1cs medics . . They seem to have out- out outgrown outgrown out outgrown - grown their bathing suits , a.t at a.tJeast atleast . atJeast Jeast least . . N NAngry : : : * NN : * 4 : u uAJJ.gry n nAngry Angry AJJ.gry AJJgry , . , Father : 'What What Whati ' ! I You h.a\e h.ae h.a ha e have . \ the- the theDerte havethe- havethe havetheserve h.aethe - - serve Derte nerve to come here and ask askfor askor askfor for or ay my daughter ? Well , Iwill I - will -will in- in inform in inform - 1n1form form you that you you ou might mJght have 1n-1 1n 1 saved yourself the journey . " I ; Young Suitor ' 'Well Well Wen ' , , that's thats ' all allnght allright allright nght right , sir Slr You see , I had another anotherI anothermessage anothermessage I message to deliver in m the same samebuUdmg samebuilding samebuilding buUdmg building " I ! : : . . u t : N N NThe : I The modern girl guI likes hkes spin spm- spm spin- spmI spinrang spinning - I ning mng rang wheels-four wheels four wheels - - four of 'em em ' , turn turn- turnI turnmg turning turning - ing mg 0\ 0 over 0er \ er fast , . and a spare . . . I t : ; : : : I LOVE is the greatest force m in the inthe mthe world , says Dad Gummit It Is isthe IsI I the only thing thmg that will wz11 mduce educe educepeople mducepeople inducepeople I mduceI people to drive dnve slowly . I U : : tt U : . ft : . ftThe : : The Absent Minded Mmded Executive ar- ar arnved arnved ar arrived - - rived nved home and kissed his hls 'wife wife ' ' wife'Now wifeNow ' Now , dear , I 111 ll dictate a couple of lettersu letters ofletters " t u : : t5 u : UMarried U UlIa.med UMarred l\Ia.med lIa.med l Ia.med Iamed Marred \ . men make the best bestclerks bestclerks bestclerks clerks clerks , , the Big Merchant declares de- de declares de declares - clares . They are not in such an anawful anawful anawful awful rush to lea\e lea e leave \ the store storeand storeand storeand and get home . . . U N UN * U : N N'Can * * * U : $ * 'Can Can ' Can anyone anone } tell me what v.hat vhat Mhat . has hascaused hascaused hascaused caused liquor"demanded liquordemanded more misery than liquor ? " demanded the pro prohibition } b1tlon speaker 'Thirst Thirst Th1rst ' " ' " . yelled Percy W1uffle- W1uffle Whiffle- Whiffle W1uffletree Whiffletree Whiff le-tree le tree - - tree treeU treeU U : UGREED UCREED a U aCREED CREED GREED OF THE NINETIESBemg NINETIESBeing NINETIES NINETIESBeing ( Being Bemg the firm finn belief bellef that we of ofthe the present day hold of the pass pass- - ing mg passing passmg generation generatlon ) That all aU girls girJs ' \ were ere pure and m- m in- in innocent mnocent in innocent - nocent nocentThat That all l1qUOTas liquor l1qUOT was \\as as \ good , but an all anmen allmen allmen men drank beer . That all courtmgas courting courtmg \ was \\as as \ done on the onthe parlor sofaThat sofaThat sofa sofaThat That it 1t was quite a treat to see seean seean seean an ankJeThat ankleThat ankle ankJe ankleThat That square dances ' \ were ere tameThat tameThat tame tameThat That chaperonesere chaperones \ were \\ere ere \ more moreI morestnct morestnct morestrict stnct than today . I That every man . wore v.ore vore a mus mus- mustache mus- mus mustache mustache - - tache . That tandem bicvcles bicycles b1C c1es \ were ere popu popu- popu- popu - - popular lar larThat That theomen the \ women \\omen omen \ omenere ' \ were \\ere ere really as aspretty aspretty aspretty pretty as those today it if they were weredressed weredressed weredressed dressed wayThat the same way longhair That football plaersore placers plaers players } \ wore \\ore ore \ long hair instead of helmets . That the1 theie these e W WAS A a good five cent centcigar centcigar centcigar cigar . |