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LOUD rrinLOUD amiM rrin ( : :1abmLt :1\ :1 1 : \ :7/1)24 :7 7 1)24 124 : fw\fh6 fw fh6 / \ [ ) about abmLt abGLtt aboutHaile's abGLttH'ide's Haile's Hailes H'ide's Hides 'tIle's tIles ' ' ' Private TreasuryQANTA Treasury TreasurySANTA TreasuryANTA SANTA ANTA MONICA , CALIF CALIFHad CALIFHad CALIF.0 CALIF0 , . -Had Had - Hadit Had it not been a foreIgn foreigndispatch foreigndispatch dIspatch , a fellow might havethought have havethought thought it referred to one ofour of ouron our ouro\\n ouro n 0\\ 0 on 0n \ \ \ n 1m lnti investment estment counc1l1ors councillors councillorsspecializing , , spcclah7lng specializing in 111 looking looh.mg loohmg . after after\\ after aftern afteridols n \ \ Ida idols idols " s ' ' andorphans and orphans ' funds fundsand , and having havmg a neat line Ime of Euro European European European pean securities secur1bes to dispose dlspose of , andprominent and andpromment andprominent promment prominent in welfare welflre wel _ fare flre : work and upl up up- up upP - P A Alift l lift hit t movements mh1S m 'SjP SjP ' " his h1S home commumty commute commutenityin commu Jnny-m Jnny m mty nity-in nity in - m short , atypical atypical a i ktypical ' typical specimen spec1men ofsub of , y ysub t tsub sub - variety vanety thatseemed that | - J | , seemed to sort ofpeter of I < 7 7peter peter out m theyears theyears the l gga , "years years " years . unmedlatelyCollowmg immediatelyfollowing immediately unmedlately ( T-following T following - Collowmg following 1929 , , some someqUlttmg somequitting ' qUlttmg quitting by requestsome request requestsome requestsome some by mdlctment indictmeat indict mdlct indictment ment meat and some Justvan just justIrt Irt v m in S . . Cobb Cobbvanishing Cobbvanishing van vanishing 1 s h 1 n g mtospace mtospace into mto intospace space , taking takmg with them the chents clients clients'remaining clientsremaining ' remalDlDg remaining cash assets , , if l i.f ! . . anyBut anyBut any anyBut But this thlS happened to be a cable cablegram cablegram cablegram gram from trom Geneva statmg thatv\hen thatv hen that thathen , \\hen hen when \ \ Emperor Haile Halle and Farewell FarewellSelasslC FarewellSelassie FarewellSelassie SelasslC Selassie hurriedly hurnedly departed from fromhis from.his fromhis . . hlS his capital capltal , , he so thoroughlycleaned thoroughly thoroughlycleaned thoroughlycleaned cleaned out the bank of EthlOp1a Ethiopia EthlOp1athat Ethiopiathat Ethiopiathat that all the invading mvadmg Italians Ital1ans found foundm foundm m the vaults was a large throbbmg throbburg throb throbbmg bmg burg vacuum . * . * . How Mcnckcn l\Icnckcn l Icnckcn Mencken \ Can WriteTHIS WriteT WriteHIS Write WriteHHIS HIS campaign campmgn will liven right rightup rightup rightup HHIS THIS T up if ii Henry Mcncken Mencken , the of- of official official of official - ficial human gumboil gumbOll of theWlt the writ \Wlt- Wlt writ- writmg \ writing Wltmg - ing mg craft , takes pen in m hand to ws- ws dis- dis wscuss discuss dis discuss - cuss the men and the issues You Youdon't Youdon't Youdon't Youdont don't dont ' ' have to agree with Hen Youmay You Youmay Youmay may quarrel with his lus premises and andd1spute anddispute anddispute d1spute dispute his lus concluslOnsBut conclusionsBut conclusions concluslOns conclusionsBut But can he make the language languagepop languagepop languagepop pop like hJ.e hJe . a bull whip WhlP ' When he getsexcited gets getse'cited getsexcited e'cited ecited excited ) " ' he throbs like a mashed mashe mashedthumb mashethumb mashedthumb d thumb , , and cuts loose likeavenging . like l1.ke l1ke an anavengmg anavenging him lum- lum him- himself lumself himself avengmg avenging angel Expressing Expressmg - - self , he always picks p1cks words of the therIght th thright theright e rIght shape and the right r1ght color . . * . Literary GarbageLET GarbageLET Garbage GarbageHETS S admit that southerners of ofthe o othe ofthe f LET HETS the Col Carter of Cartersvllle Cartersvill Cartersvllletype Cartersvilltype Cartersvuletype e type were mainly mamly the far fetchedcreations fetched fetche fetchedcreahons fetchecreations d creahons creations of overly sentimental senbmental fic- fic ficbomsts fie fiet fic-tiomsts fic tiomsts - ' bomsts tionists Let's Lets ' ' admit the busmess busines busmessof businesof businessof s t of painting pamtmg a largely imagmary Imaginar imagmaryafth imaginaryaftah Imaginaraftah y afth aftah , de wah South was for man manyears many manyyears manyyears y years crowdedBut crowdedBut crowded crowdedBut But why , m the revolt to de- de debunk debunk de debunk - ' bunk this th1s sugary romance , , should shouldthe shout shoutthe shouldthe d the land so generously spawn a acrop acrop crop of alleged realists reallsts who'd whod ' ' have havethe hav havthe havethe e the rest of the world believe belleve th the theonly theonly e only party of the South worth worthy of ofbemg o ofbemg f bemg written about is almost ex exelusively exclusively elusively peopled by loathsome loathsomedegenerates loathsomedegenerates loathsomedegenerates degenerates of the Tobacco 'Tobacco * ' Roadvariety Road 'variety7 variety7 'variety7If ' , varIety ? ' If one of these literary garbage garbag garbagecollectors garbagecollectors e . collectors will but look about h1m him himhe'll himhe'll himhell , he'll hell ' find tlnd southerners who m1ght migh m1ghtmaJ.e mighmake mightmake t maJ.e maJe make . interesting Interestmg copy and yet , ex- ex excusmg ex excusing - cusing cusmg casing that they leave the sugar sugarout sugarout out of the corn bread and the low low- lower lower - . er case 'r r ' r " out of the languageare language , are pretty much like hke tiles the run ofthelr oftheir of oftheir their thelr fellow Americans else\\ else elsewhere elsehere \ \ here . ' S . * . Gas Station Stahon ServiceA ServiceN SerV1ce Service SerV1ceAN AN N OPEN LETTER LETTIR : to the gasohne gasoline gaso .L L . 1 . - line hne companies compames compamesDear companiesDear Dear gasses gasses-Why gasses Why - Why must the cus customer cus- cus customer custourer - tomer tourer have the windshield wmdshleld wiped w1ped w1pedIf wipedif -If If - if he doesn't doesnt ' ' want the wmdshleld windshield wmdshleldw1ped windshieldwiped9 windshieldwiped9Maybe w1ped wiped ? ' Maybe he's hes ' ' in a hurry Maybe Maybehe Maybehe Maybehe he fears the youth with the sqUlrt squirt sqUlrtgun squirtgun squirtgun gun will only mess up the wmd- wmd wind- wind wmdshleld windworse wind-shield wind shield - shleld \ worse orse than ever Mavbe Maybe Mavbehe Maybehe Mavbehe he s nervous and preft-rs preft rs preft.rs preftrs prefers . - a blurryoutlook blurry blurryoutlook blurryoutlook outlook so be he can't cant ' see how many manyclose manyclose manyclose close calls he's hes ' going gomg to have from frombemg frombeing frombemg bemg knocked cold by lady motorists motor motor- motorIsts motorists - ists istsEven IstsIven : Even Iven so , unless he fights . like l1.ke l1ke a abger atiger bger tiger , , . he must endure the wind wmd- wmd wind- wmdsh1eld windshield windshield - shield sh1eld wiping w1pmg I commend the po politeness po- po pol1tencss politencss - liteness l1tencss litencss of ; ) iour your our attendants , though thoughdeplormg thoughdeploring thoughdeploring deplormg deploring their theu : frequent habit hab1t of ofapparently ofapparently ofapparently apparently going gomg somewhere about abouta a quarter of a mile mlle back of the < : sta station ta- ta tabon - tion bon to make change I ac1Imre admire admireyour ac1Imreyour admireyour your enterprise enterprlse and your pumps are areindeed areindeed areindeed indeed works of art Your high h1gh- h1gh high- highway h1ghway highway - way signs SlgnS so fill the grateful eye eyethat eyethat eyethat that we the don't dont ' ' have to look Jook at com com- comparabvely co comparatively - paratively parabvely dull things thmgs , such as asscenery asscenery scenery . . But my dear gasses gassesthere , there comes a tmewhen time , . when too much muchserV1ce muchservice muchservice serV1ce service becomes a nuisance nUlsance . * . . Heroic First Aid Measures MeasuresTT " ' { TT X THEN HEN those three gallant men menV menVV V V \ were \ ere imprisoned impr1soned in that thatMoose thatMoose Moose river mine mme cave in up In InCanada inCanada inCanada Canada , , facing facmg death in m the dark dark- darknessone darkness - . ness--one ness one Hess-one Hess ness - - one of them , ; ) you'll youll ou'll oull ' ' rem remem remember em- em embt.r - ber bt.r btr . , did dld dle-and dle and die-and die die - - and the rescuers fi- fi finally fi ft finally - . nally Wally bored a slender shaft shatt throughto through to their the1r hvmg l1Vll1g livmg tomb , almost the thefirst thefirst thefirst first thing thmg sent down from abovewas above abovewas abovewas was some hot cofTee coffee with w1th a slug OJ or orbrandy 01brandy : brandy in m ! 11Now it 11 itNow t tNow Now the Rev A A . McLeod ' hasformally has hasformally hasformally formally protested to the govern govern- government government - . ment meat of Nova Scotia Scoba about puttingin puthng putting puthngin puttingIn in the brandy . , . So ' I've Ive ' been sitting sltting here all day daytrymg daytrying daytrying trymg trying to make up my mind If i2 IfI'd ifI'd ifId i2I'd I'd Id ' ' ' been buried burled in that freezmg freezing freezingslimy , sllmy slimy pit , " which "hlch hlch tihfch ' I'd Id ' prefer-to prefer to prefer - to have have'em have'em have'cm havecm 'em em ' send along some spiked cof cof- cot coffee coffee - . fee right away or keep the mix ml- ml mu- mu muture mlture mixture ) , . . - ture up on the surface and lowerthe lowerthe lower lowerthe the Rev . A A . A . McLeod with Wlth n a npItcher apitcher apitcher pItcher of ice 1ce waterIt water waterIt It s one of those things thmgs a fellow fellowreally fellowreally really can't cant ' decide dec1de offhandIRVIN offhand offhandIRVIN IRVIN S COBB . , a : > - ti-WM ti WM - w 'W\l 'W W l ' \ " L . > Scrvtcu 1rvlcu Service S < |