OCR Text |
Show I , , I SEEN $ EEN E1N t1d d "EAUD EAUD HEARD "EAUDC HEARDMAIN " HEARDAUlNTSrREET HEARDAUlNTSrREETDefinition -C C - > - MAIN STDEET STFWET STFWETI STFWETDefinition . , "H H " - h- h hI - . - - I I I Definition I ' OLD TIMER one \ ho can cnn re- re remember remember re remember - - member when "hen hen ahen " the FOUl Fomth Fourth th of July JulyI Julyas Julywas Julyiwas I \as as was \ , celebrated [ frcm from rem July 1st to10th to10th to to10th 10th , \ with fth time tlmc out for sobering sobermg upII upand up upjand II IIand jand and re-shoeing re shoeing - the bossesHere's liosses hosses bosses liossesI I " " " Here's Heres ' hopin hopm hoping ? that c\erybo c erybo erybod e\ e e \ erybody erybodygets rybod < bgets } I IHere's gets home after th the ( ' Fourth FourthwIh Fourthwith Fourthwith wIh with ( all their thell " flngrers fingers intact mtact . . J ! i " " I , IA A Tip to the EconomicalI'ut EconomicalI'ut Economical EconomicalPut Put I'ut Iut ' resin on the fingertips fingerbps , thensnlp then 1 1sn'1p ! smp sn'1p sn1p snlp ' loudly Ioudl loudl > } to make a noise nois nOl > c e like a afirecracker afirecracker afirecracker firecracker . I IAnother Another Klood god od odVa \Va Va \ was way } is to climbinto climb chmb mto into mtoI intoa mtoa a . fliwcr f11Ver 8iv-er 8iv er f11V\ f11V \ - er , if you can find one . , retard retardthe retardthe retardthe the . spark .park park and step on the gas , mak mak- makIng mak- mak making making - - I ing the engine engtne backfire . . . . . Or you might limit IImIt limitour \ ' \our our 'our our fire- fire fireworks fireworks fire fireworks - works to soda crackers , for a realsafe realsafe real realsafe safe Fourth . . . I . ' " . " . INDEPENDENCE DAY ' BUT A ALOT ALOT ALOT LOT OF US AREVQNDERING ARE \VQNDERING VQNDERING WANDERING WANDERINGWHAT \ WANDERINGWHAT VQNDERINGWHAT , WHAT WE ARE INDEPENDENT INDEPENDENTOF OF " . * . " . ' ' small " s\id s id slid sidthe slidthe slidthe 'These These eggs are veiy velY very , ' \ the bride 'Let Let ' Let me see some thehens the . . hens have sat on a little longernd longer " " . . " - \ And -\nd nd the honeymoon is over overwhen overwhen when \ hen the eroom groom say says < ) he guess guess- guesses guesses guesses - es the shirt shut he has on is clean cleanenough cleanenough cleanenough enough for another day . , " . . . The panties at the City park parkare parkare parkare parkI are at their prettiest nowJack now-Jack- now Jack nowJackson now -Jack- Jack Jackson - - Jack Jackson - I son ( Mo ! o ) paper " . . * . . "You You " seem to treat that customer customerwith customerwith 1\ 1 \ 1Ith with Ith a good ood deal of respect . . " . . Jolin .Jolan Jolan John Learning Leamang : , VYe Yet Yes ! . , he's.one hes.one hesone he's hes ' ' . one of ofom ofour ofonr om our : early settltrs- settltrs settltrs'Early settlers . " settlers"Early settlers . " . " . < - . v- v v"t - - "t t " ' } . * . "Early Early 'Early -"Early ' - " ' sett settlers rs ! Bu But h he/can't he can't cant hucan't hucant / n't- n't nt n'tbe ' - be bemore bemore bemore more than 35 y years rs old " " - . . , John JohnyYes : /yYes yYes / , . ' , Yes , but he settles"his settlesThis settles settleshisbill /"his "his his This "hisI "hisbIn Thisbill / " ' -hisbill hisbill - bIn bill before I : the tbe tenth of every everymonth everymonth everymonth I month . . " " . . . Many a man , observes Dadl DadI Dad DadGummlt DadGummit Gummit Gummlt , has lost loot lbst a fight by bystoppmg bystopping byatoppmg I stoppmg stopping to pat patl ' himself hlmsf'Jt hlmsfJt ' on the theJ1y.lck theiback thejback J1y.lck J1ylck iback . ( . . .y y " . . And the lawI lawmay law I , may recognize recogrnze a amaQ amare aman maQ mare . , . officially oficfaIlYt oficfaIlYta oficfaIlYtr ! , a r " ' the head . of .of h1 his hisfamily hifsfamily family , but often orten the n ne.Vahborscould neighbors ne.Vahbors neVahbors neighborscould . hbors hborscould could tell t.ell . a different story , . . " . " DefinitionI DefinitionREAL Definition DefinitionREAL I ' REAL PATRIOT ' " A man whO whocan whocan ' can sing ' My Country Tis of Thee Thee'while Theewhile ' whlIe while contemplating contemplatmg the new fed- fed federal federal fed federal - II IIwhlIe eral ta\ ta ta'C taC tameasure ' . \ . measureGeorge measure measureI . " " I George Burck Bunk . was v.as vas tiying tlymg hard to tomake tomake I Imake make a few extra sales on a dull dullday dullday I Iday ) day 'We We ' We have some nice Dlce alliga alliga- alligator alligator - - a111ga1tor tor pears " he suggested a111ga-1 a111ga 1 ' How Ho\v Ho v HovsIlly \ silly sIllyI I ' " " exclaimed e'Cclaimed eCclaimed ' the young youngbnde youngbride youngbride bnde bride 'Whye 'Why Why ' , we \\e e ae \ haven t even got gotI gota I a gold fish . . " I I " * , iThe i iThe I IThe The detecth detectis detecthes es easily discovered discoveredthat discoveredthat I that asla the gangsteras gangster \ was \\as as disguised as asl asa I a woman He passed a millinerystole millinery millmery millinerystoie I IstOle stoie stOle without even glancing in ' " . " . . , IPUZZLE iPUZZLE i iPUZZLE PUZZLE Why is it that a res- res resI restaurant restaurant res restaurant - - I taurant cantaloupe alwa always s has hasthree hasthree hasthree three halves9 halves ? ' S . S"The * . * . i"The iThe i ias "The The " jig is up up , , " said the doc- doc doctor doctor doc doctor - - tor , as his Ius St Vat Vitus us dance pa- pa pahent patient pa patient - tient hent died l " " j 1 1"I'll j"I'll I felJlow "I'll Ill " ' ' tell vou you " what "hat hat kind kmd of a fel10 fel-J fel J fel- fel felWalter - 10 low " ' Walter 'Valter Valter is . , dear , " said the thechannIng the'charming thecharming ' channIng charming \ Monticello 1\onheello 1 onheello [ gal "W'henl "W'henthe "W'henthe "When When "W'hen " ' l the lightsent lights \ went \\ent ent out he spent the theI therest the'rest therest I I ' Irest thcifuses rest of the c\ c c\cnmg c cnmg ccnmg etenmg \ cnmg trym trying ! : , to fix the ! ; fuses " i i " " ' " , IDefimhon i iDefinition ! I Definition Defimhon . ' ! MIRROR A useful article thatI thatl thatI thath thatkeeps that I l ' h keeps eps people from getting too con-I con I conIcerted con-i con i conii con-ceited con ceited - i , ! certed ceited coniceited I certedI I |