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Show FABLES IN SLANG @I @ 4 Dell Lieu SYTldlcat Syndi b . By G GEORGE EO R G E AD ADE ADEwvu E EW'lU W'lU WlU wvu ' Servl serge . i-I- i iIt . - - : . - - - - - _ - - . - - - - - - - - t - t . . , = . = . : ' -t t - . . - ! ! t i iE i it E- E ? - . 1 Er r ( ' 1 ' .f f . . . - : t12 J ; ( : > .t t : : ; B5 B5J I . . - < . . . \ = . : 11t . : , Jli . : J- J JI . - . _ . . - tali - - . I 1 1Yet nsr lI"OL lIOL " : - = - . : : \ - - - - - - - . " \ \ - - - - - - - Yet YetAge cln . p " , Age of Gustatory Miracles MR . EA EATMORE'S EATMORES TMORE'S TMORES ' DIETO DIETACE DIET DIETMNCE - ACE - , CD there was a RespectedOltlzen Respected RespectedOItizen RespectedOltizen Or- Or O MNCE OrCD OItizen Oltizen named George Dat Eat Datmore Eatmore Eatmore more \ who \ ho should ha\ ha have hae \ e takenoff takenoff taken takenoff off his Hat to his Tummy TummyFor TummyFor TummyFor For the humble pear pe'1.r pe1.r pe1r ' . shaped Organ Organhad Organhad Organhad had been through many a War The TheFact TheFact TheFact Fact that th'1t th1t ' It was not \ worn \ orn out , but butwas butwas butwas was still trying to stay stav on the Job Jobpro Jobprof Jobprove pro\ pro prof proes \ es ? that Nature is more wonder wonderful " wondertul onder onderfnl fnl ful than Art for when It comes to toall toall toall all around toughness the Rhinoceros Rhinocerosruns Rhinocerosruns Rhinocerosruns runs second to ManBefore ManBefore Man ManBefore Before the stomach stom'lch stomlch ' finally final1y wenton went wenton wenton on strike stllke it earned many a Sen Sei SeiviceStripe C ice iceStripe iceStripe Stripe Through years of gourman gourmandlzing gourmandizing gourmandizing dlzing dizing and guzzlln guzzling ; . It \ was \ as a True TruePal TruePal TruePal Pal to Georgp GeorgI George ' , alwa always s right there therewhen therewhen therewhen when needed and doing Its Dut Duty Dutycheerfully Dutycheei . } cheel cheerfully fully under the most tryingCircumstances tryingCircumstancesAnd trying tryingClrcumst'lnces tryingCircumstances Clrcumst'lnces Clrcumstlnces Circumstances ' Clrcumst'lncesAnd CircumstancesAnd And yet , for se\ se several seeral \ eral Decades , 1\Ir 1 Ir Mr 1IrEatmore MrEatmore \ MrEatmore Eatmore never ne\er ne er \ refened referted to his fmth faith fmthful faithful faithful ful Giz/ard Giz ard G1Zlard Giziard / except In Language of ofComplaint ofComplaint ofComplaint Complaint . . . And he would not hm haCe haCedreamed havedreamed e edreamed dreamed of Introducing his Stomachas Stomach as a'lopic alopic a ' Topic 'lcpic lcpic of Conversation Comersahon in Pohte Polite PohteSociety PoliteSociety PoliteSociety Society He adhered to the old fash lash lashloved fashloned fashloned loned loved Belief BeUef that tlie the Allmentary Alimentary AllmentaryCanal AlimentaryCanal AlimentaryCanal Canal is entirely entlrelv a private AITairIt AffairIt AlTair AITair Affair AlTairIt It \ would \ ould be Impossible to produee produce producea produeen n a Novel Noel No\ No \ el , , Play PI'lY PIlY ' or Movie IoIe 3Iovie Io\ Io \ Ie without teaturing fe'l fel fei fe'lturlng feituring ' turlng turing the Heart The Cardlacal Cardincal CardlacalMecbanlsm CardincalMechanism CardiacalMechanism Mecbanlsm Mechanism Is put in the Center of ofthe ofthe ofthe the Stage and Hooded flooded \ with ith Spot SpotLights SpotLights SpotLights Lights while whUe the hard working wor1.ing wor1ing . and andrelIable andreliable andreliable relIable stomach stom'lch stomlch ' , situated only onlyabout onlyabout onlyabout about Eight Dight Light Inches to the Southwest South South"est Southnest "est est nest " , , is permitted to toll at the most mostmenial mostmenial mostmenial menial tasks tashs in utter Darkness D'lrkness Dlrkness ' , "Ith Ith with "Ithne withnever " withnever neer never ne\ ne \ er a word of S Sympathy mpa thy or Cn En Cncouragement Encouragement Encouragement couragement . . The prudes say that thatOne thatOne thatOne One , who vho becomes too specific re regarding regarding regarding garding the old Food rood Trap Is 1m Im 1mmodest Immodest 1mmodest modest and guilty of a Social CrrorThe ErrorThe Error Crror ErrorThe The Lungs often receive Honor Honorable Honorable Honorable able Mention and many a n VermI- VermI VermIfOlm Vermiform Verml-foirn Verml foirn - fOlm form Appendix Appendl " { , with little to be said saidfor saidfor saidfor for it in the way of Looks Lools , , is care carefully . . fully preserved in a Bottle and andshown andshown andshown shown to Callers , , but the Stomach Stomachbas Stomachhas Stomachhas bas has been and continues to be , as asyou asyou asyou you might say . , the Step Child of the theDuman theHuman theHuman Duman Human Organism It endures all of ofthe ofthe ofthe the Hardships Ihrdships flnrdshlps and gets most of the theBlame theBlame theBlame theBlamelor Blame Blamer r lor or instance , take tale , the Case or of orGeorge ofGeorge ofGeorge George Eatmore Datmore p\ p Even pen Jven \ en \ while bile qe lie , he W'lS WlS wts W'lSvery wtsvery wasvery ' very Young and on the Milk Mill ! : , he hewould hewould hewould would often oCten ask ash his Digestive Dlgesth Dlgestiv e a Ap Apparatus Apparatus Apparatus paratus to take on such Odds and andDnds andEnds andEnds Dnds Ends as Buttons , Pins , small PIeces PIecesof Piecesof Piecesof of Coal , Calling CalHng Cards and Lint.Soon LintSoon LInt LintSoon . . Soon after he was weaned be he put putInto putInto putInto Into the handy Receptacle a most mostvarIed mostvaried mostvaried varIed Assortment , Including Gre Green GreenApples GreenApples ( > n nApp1es App1es Apples , Raw Turnips , Molasses MolassesCandy MolassesCandy MolassesCandy Candy , Strawberry Pop and all of ofthe ofthe ofthe the dye stuff Berries and cleaglnous oleaginous cleaglnousNuts oleaginousNuts oleaginousNuts Nuts growing In the WlldwoodDid WildwoodDid Wlldwood Wildwood WlldwoodDid Did the Craw rebel when It was wasbombarded wasbombarded wasbombarded bombarded at all nil hours hoors ? On the theContrary theContrary theContrary Contrary , It stood up and never was wasdevoid wasdevoid wasdevoid devoid of or Pep Each Ench morning It Itwould itwould Itwould would look up at George and say"Well sayWell say , "Wen Wen "Well Well " , my Hearty , what's whats wbat's wbats ' the Pro Program Program Program gram for Today ? ' WHEN COLLEGE LADS LADSLEARNED LADSLEARNED LADSLEARNED LEARNED SOMETHING SOMETHINGIt It was while George was in II1gh High II1ghScbool HighSchool HighSchool Scbool School that be he got quite a Giggle GiggleoTe Giggleohe be oTe day from reading In his Pbysl Physl Physlology Pbyslology Physlology ology that the tbe Stomach of Man con contnlns contains contains tnlns tains about Three Pints Very otten often ottenhe oftenhe oftenhe he had eaten as many as two W'tter Wtter Wgter W'ttermelons Wgtermelons Watermelons ' melons at a Sitting and anyone who whosay'i " whosays ho hoI I say say'i sayi ' that two Watermelons are not notnore notmore notmore nore more ! than three pints has never neverstJldled neverstpoled neverstudied stJldled stpoled Botany It just goes to show showhow showhow showhow how Uttle lIttle the Authorities really reallyknow reallyknow reallyknow know . After George entered College he heand heand heand and the Receiving necelvlng Station tookmany t901 took tookmany . m'1ny m1ny many ' a hard Trip together . Once In a \ while vvhlte hlle the hard worL.ed worLed worked worL.edPouch workedPouch workedPouch . Pouch would try to suggest suge9t sugbest " , to toGeorge toGeorge toGeorge George that tb'lt tblt ' It " was "as as not a Waste- Waste WasteBaslet Waste-Basket Waste Basket - - . Baslet Basket , but he < ; seemed eemed to think that thatthe thatthe thatthe the Proper time to cat eat was betweenmeals betweenmealsWe between betweenmeals betweenmeals meals mealsWe We now discover Our Hero as a astruggling astruggling astruggling struggling Law Student Stul1ent , tryln trying trying to tolive tolive tolive live on Nothing per Week . . It was during these Lean Days after Dad Dadhad Dadhad Dadhad had discontinued the sending of ofChecks ofChecks ofChecks Checks , that George seemed to re re- regard re regard . - gard the Doughnut as Vitamin BAbout BAbout B BAbout About the Time that he got a afoothold afoothold afoothold foothold he married m'lrrled mlrrled ' a very s sweet sweetlittle sweetlittle " eet eetlItUe lItUe little Apricotlna Aprlcotlna Apricotina who had been taking tak tak- takIng taking - ing Music Lessons and cooked coohed ac accordJngy accordingly accordingly cordJngy cordingly ] . . For ror a long 10ng Time they could not notafford notafford notafford afford a S\\ S Swede Sede Svsede \ ede and It was during duringthis duringthis duringthis this Period , " when "hen hen wlien the Little Woman Woman"as Womanwas Womanwas "as as was " ! tiding tlng trying ) to turn out Angel rood rood"hleh roodwhich Foodwhich "hleh hleh which " could be cut with a Knife KnifeInstead Knifeinstead KnifeInstead Instead of Pair P'llr Pllr ' of Scissors , that Mr MrEatmore MrEatmore Ir IrCatmore Catmore Eatmore and his alimentary SideKick SIde SIdeKlcl SideKick Klcl Kick ! : earned a couple of Carnegie CarnegieMedals CarnegieMedals CarnegieMedals Medals for Heroism You say S1.y S1y . that thatAnybol1y thatAnybody thatAnybody Anybol1y Anybody can make mahe Tea . . D\ D Even Den \ en a aman aman aman man Well IVell , Sweetie could do some something something something thing to It \ which \ hleh made m'lde mlde ' It taste like likeSheep likeSheep likeSheep Sheep Dip And not the best QualIty Qual Quality Quality ity of Sheep Dip at that . At last the Sun of Pro Prosperity Pro-penty Pro penty ' - perrty be beg'1n begin began g'1n g1n gin ' to shine on the Eatmores Datmores and andthey andthey andthey they had h'ld hld ' a Lot of Servants They Theyh'ld Theyhid Theyhad h'ld hld hid ' only ' Two 'fwo fwo at one ' lime 'lIme time , but they theyhad theyhad theyhad had a Lot In the course of a Learthe YearThe lear lear'lhe 'lhe lhe the ' COIOI coloied colored ed \ Mammies l\Iamnlles l Iamnlles would pre prepare prepare prepare pare everything Southern StylI Style Stylp.while Stylpwhile ' . , wblle while the Transients 'lranslents lranslents Zranstents ' imported from fromIrel'lnd fromIreland fromIreland Irel'lnd Irellnd Ireland ' favoied favoled favoted Corned Beef burledin burled burledIn buriedIn In Cabbage Cabb'lge Cabblge ' , , and se\ se several seeral severalvho \ eral \vho vho olio \ \ ho h hid 1d es escaped estaped escaped caped taped from Geimany Ge1many Germany to avoid a\old a old \ Milltary MlH Mill MlHtary Milltary tary Sen Service ice put C'lra Clra Caraway ' way Seed in ineelY inereiy ineveiy e\elY e elY ereiy \ Viand and then laid a Dill DillPlcbJe DillPickle DillPickle PlcbJe Pickle on top of it Just when the theGullet theGullet theGullet Gullet thought it had h'ld hld ' transported transportedC transportedevery transportedevery C\ C Cery every \ ery known lnown , \ variety 1rlety ' of Chow , along alongwould alongwould would \ oud ] come chrne cbme a pleasing Novelty NoeIty No\ No \ eIty , suchas such suchas suchas as Ravioli R'lvloll Rlvloll ' , or Tripe Tlipe Tiipe with Apple- Apple Apples Applechopped Appleschopped Appleschopped - ; chopped up in It , or Olives Oll.es Olles . stuffed stuffedwith stuffedwith ,1th 1th with , Torpedoes , or Hungarian Hungarl'ln Hungarlln ' Gou Goulash Goulash Goulash lash , } or Chicken Livers 1.1ers 1.1\ 1.1 . \ ers \ wearing earlng Fes Festoons Festoons Festoons toons of oC Garlic , or Gutta Percha PerchaPuddIng PerchaPudding PerchaPudding PuddIng dashed d'lshed dlshed ' with ShellacTHEN SheUnc Shellac SheUncTHEN ShellacTHEN THEN HE'LL HELL ' GET AN EARFULWhen EARFUL EARFULWhen When a good Doctor goes 0\ 0 over 0er o'er oer \ ' er a aMan aMan aMan Man he ahvays alays ahsays al\\ al \ ays listens to the Ileal Heatt HeattSooner HeaitSooner t tSooner Sooner or later Science will wllI devl devise devicea devisea e ea a Dingus which will enable Doc to tolisten tolisten tolisten listen to the Stomach and In thatEvent that thatC thatEvent C\ C Cent Event \ ent the Specialists Speclallsts will wllI get many manya a Earful Darful For ror instance Inst'lnce Instlnce ' , the tomach Stomach Stomachwhich Stomachwhich tomachwhIch whIch accompanied Mr . Eatmore Eatmorecould Eatmorecould Eatmorecould could lIa have base \ e written quite a Jarge large JargeVolume largeVolume largeVolume Volume on "Unexpected Unexpected " Guests " Not until untll George became a Prominent Proml Promi Promlnent Promineat nent neat Citizen Cltlzen and began to attend attendrOlma attendrotma attendFoimal rOlma rotma ] Dinners did he hejut lieput 'put put ' , ) his Di Digestlon Digestion Dlgestlon gestlon gestion to the Suprem Supreme . Test , and andstart andstart andstart start In to lean heavily on $ pi i f Car Car- Carbonate Carbonate Carbonate - bonate of Soda . . We are referrIng referringto to the Age of Gustatory Gustator } Mliacleswhen Mil'lcles Millcles Miticles Mil'lcleswhen Miticleswhen ' when every Diner Out found tound an C- C Ex Exhiblt Chlblt Exhibit : - . hlblt hiblt of Glassware In front of his hisplate hisplate hisplate plate and " was "as as supposed to f flv y at ate ateery atevery e\ e eery \ ery kind of red , white vvhlte \ hlte and blue blueFluid blueFluid blueFluid Fluid during the prolonged B\ttle B ttle Battle Bttlewith Battlewith Battlewith ' \ with the heavy Courses A real Din Din- Dinner Dinner Dinner - ner , In the old days of ot cheap Liquor Liquoranl1 Liquorand Liquorand anl1 and the deadly Toast List , made madeBelchazzar's madeBelclrazzar's madeBelchazzar's madeBelchazzars Belchazzar's Belchazzars Belclrazzar's Belclrazzars ' ' Feast reast look like a Cafe Cafeterla Cafeterra Cafeteria terla terra Snack . . , When Mr . Eatmore atmore took his Stom Stomach Stomach Stomach ach away with him after one ofthose ot of otthose ofthose those three hour Feeds he dIdn't dIdnt dIdn'thave didn'thave didn'thave didnthave ' have to be told that his Stomach Stomachwas Stomachwas Stomachwas was present De.ould He De \ would \.ould .ould . throw It a alittle alittle alittle little Pepsin and tell It to behave behaveDurIng behaveDuring behaveDuring DurIng all his years of AllmentarJ Alimentary AllmentarJAcrobatics AlimentaryAcrobatics AIlmentar ; Acrobatics , George never took any anymame anyBlame anyBlame mame Blame on himself hlmsef ] . He would curse cursehIs cursehis cursehis hIs Stomach and feel that he was wasthe \ wasthe as astbe tbe the Injured Party . Late this Season Mr Eatmore atmore W'lS WlS was wasentertained W'lScntert'llned wasentertained ' cntert'llned cntertllned entertained ' a great deal by rrlends Friends rrlendswho Friendswho Friendswho who had Pre War Stuff Sturr It wa was wasmade wasmade ' ! made before the War between Hoo Hoo- Hooor Hoover Hoover - \ ver \or or and the Senate . At the Hocpltlll Hospital Hospitalhe Hocpltlllhe ; he told the Nurses and D\ D Derybody Everybody Everybodythat Everybodythat \ erybody erybodythat that It was Gastritis GastrIUs ' The 'lbe lbe Stomach Stomachhad Stomachhad Stomachhad had no opportunity to spook 8pO\h 8pO h speak ' \ up and andsa andsay andsav sa\ sa say sa'I \ 'I I ' \ ' went 'vent vent \ ent into the Ring once too toootten toooften toooften otten often " " As some of his old time A.ssocl'1tes A.ssocl1tes Assocl1tes Associates A.ssocl'1teswere Associateswere . Associateswere ' were drl driving lng back from the Ceme Ceme- Cemetery Cemetery Cemetery - - tery they remo\ remo removed remoed \ ed the Black Gloves Glovesand Glovesand Glovesand and said s'lid slid sold ' they couldn't couldnt ' understand understandwhy understandwhy understandwhy why George had h'td htd ' to check In at tho thoellrJy thoEarly thoEarly ellrJy Early Age of sixty 81-.ty 81.ty 81 .ty ty slaty : - . two , because theOld the theOld theOld Old Scout certainly had taken t'llen tllen ' , the |