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Show , whatthinks what . ( { gbb cyIivI thinkscyIivI : : ; Jr.V JrV . # ! " , . ) thinks - - - - - . _ = = = about : Chronic Chronl Influenza . , SALM PALM ALM SPRINGS , , CALIF1 CALIFI CALIF . . -1 1 -I I - 1came Icame I came out here to get ridof rId rIdof ridof of my influenza mfluenza But as I 1 penthese pen penthese penthese these despairing despalrmg words , , my influenza in- in influenza in influenza - fluenza is cuddled cuddlcd up to this thisinflamed thisinflamed thisinflamed inflamed bosom . This is not the thepuny thepuny thepuny puny , , trifling tnfling influen7a influenza of theInterior the theInterIor theInterior InterIor , but the sun snn kissed hissed , e"ttrn- e"ttrn ettrn ettra e"ttrnspecIal extra-special extra special " - - specIal Influenza of golden Californiathe Callfornla Califor- Califor Callfor- Callfor Califorv - - nla nia-the nia the " - the outI I v one outsrondlng outstanding out- out - - Py\ Py outPy Pystnnding \ stnnding srondlng standing product of ofthis ofr / 9 m mthis \ this coast whl which 'h h < ' our ourtourist ourI . 1 1tourist 1 tourist bureaus do donot in advertisein / ' not advertiseI advertise 3 ( ! * > 0 I In nth n t the h e chronic chronle chronleform , % 7 f fform form . , It's Its iCs ' like vis vts vIsItlng : " Iting Itlng ItlIlg kinfolks klnfolhs frombacl fromt from t back bacl . East East , , arrivingIn nrrhlngIn nrrhlng nrrlslIlg nrrlslIlgfa fa " " 1 In the fall fal1 and andhanging andhanging 4 ' a ssina hanging on al1 all allwln- allwln allwlnter ssin- ssin ssinter \ In- In Inter - - _ _ ter . The kind IIrvin IIrvl I IIrvin have s stays t a y s longenough long longenough longn Cobbhave bbhave Irvl Irvin n S . . C Cobb 0 bb 0enough enough to m make makeyou a k e eyou eyou you wish you were dead and not notquite notquite notquite quite long enough to kill youAfter youAfter you youAfter After swallowing swaIIowing so many differ dIffer- dIfferent different different - ent remedies remedIec . ; I I am , , as you might say sayfull , fulJ full of conflicting emul emulsions < ; lons When WhenI I sneeze my watch w3tch stops When I Icough Icough Icough cough sea lions get jealous and Iseem I Iseem Iseem seem to feel a lot of ot things givIng givIngway givingway givingway way Inside of me When Wben I open mymouth my mymouth mymouth mouth somebody sticks In cither either a apIll apill apill pIll or a thermometer and 3nd neIther neItherone neitherone neitherone one helps * . * . . Testing Drunken Drivers Drivers.t Driverst , . FOR OR testing drunken drivers theCleseland theCle the * Cleveland Cleeland Cleseland Cle\ Cle \ eland police have a devicenamed de\ de deIce desice desicenamed \ Ice Icenamed named the opthalmic televlnocular televlnocularstethoscope televlnocularstethoscope televlnocularstethoscope stethoscope But " why "hy hy not just ask askthe askthe askthe the suspect to pronounce It an and andabide andabide abIde by the results ? Old times back home , we had ourown our ourown ourown own system We didn't didnt ' follow the theNew theNew theNew New York scheme of Inviting InvltnJ ! : the thealJeged thealleged thealleged alJeged alleged Inebriate inebrl3te to say "Sissle Sissle "SIssie SIssie " Fitz Fitz- Fitzgerald Fitzgerald - . gerald , , " because he'd hed ' ' probably takerefuge take takerefuge takerefuge refuge In his constitutional constltutlon'tl constltutlontl constitutiongl ' rightsas rights as a southern gentleman and refuse refuseto refuseto refuseto to bandy a lad's lads ' name In any such suchplace suchplace suchplace place as the calabooseUnder calabooseUnder calaboose calabooseUnder Under our plan , . , It If a citizen W'lS WlS was W'lSl waslying wasling ' l lying ) tng in the street and his fingers fingersdidn't fingersdidn't fingersdidn't fingersdidnt didn't didnt ' ' mo\ mo move moe \ e , , he ss \ was as Into\.lca Into.lca Into .lca lca Intoxicated \ . ted But Butif ButIf ButIf if e\ e even een esen \ en his little finger moved , , hemerely he hemerely hemerely merely was W'lS WlS ' restingBut restingBut resting restingBut But we didn dldn t have alcoholic au automoblles automobiles automoblles tomoblles tomobiles to pester us The sur surplus surplus surplus I surI plus population popuhtlon populltlon \ was as reduced with withfire'1rms withfirearms withfirearms fire'1rms fire1rms firearms ' or cutlery cutJery , , thus giving ghing h mJ ev- ev evers ev eversbody ev-erjbody ev erjbody - - ers ersbody body a chance chancer r * . . * . \ ' Mankind's Mankinds ' Real Humanity HumanityTXTHAT TXTHAT WHAT justW HAT \ with \ Ith this and that th'lt thlt ' just justwhen jus juswhen t when a fellow Is ' almost 'llmost llmost ready readyto read readto readyto y to decI decide e tliat that the human hum'ln humln ' rac racshould mee meeshould rnceshould e should be chat cliaiged charged ged oiT off as Pr1ctl practi Pr1ctlcall practically practicalb call cally a 'l l i ' total tot'll totll ' loss , somethln something happen h'1ppen h1ppen happens happensThis ' " This time hme It happened h'tppened htppened ' In a littlemine little littlemine littl littlmine e mine in No\ No Nos Nova No1 \ 1 i ' Scotia Scoth wliere where the cal calheroism c1Im c1Imherol"m calmheroism m herol"m herolm heroism " of t\\ t two t0 \ 0 men , , penned pennell with withthe withthe withthe ' the body of their dead de'ld deld ' comrade comr'lile comrlile ' 'It It 'Itthe a ' athe attlie t the bottom of a 't t i ' C'1\ C'1 C1 cgs caved C'1ed ' \ ed In shaft sh'tft shtft ' , w \ wasmatched 't t a ' amatched . matched b3 by b , } the magnificent m'lgmficent mlgmficent ' gallontiv gallon gallonby 1JJ'tn 1JJtn 1JJ'tntt ' tt by v tlie the Incredible endurance endur'lnee endurlnee ' of ofvolunteer sal \ 01 01unteer unteer rescuer rescuers \ who ho bv In bs dav hv div ( and andm andni d dnight m night ; ht unce1slngJhhorerl unceasingly unce1slngJ\ unce1slngJ unceasingls \ labored hhorerl on In mo ma momentary mamentary mnraentary mentary peril of death for them themsehes themaches tlieinselves sehes aches to save S'l\e S'l Sl e sase ' \ the lives Ines uses of thattrapped th'lt thlt th'lttrapped thi thitrapped ' t trapped pnlr-'lnd pnlr 'lnd lnd pair-and pair and pair - ' and did save swc themAnd themAnd them themAnd And a 'l l i ' week weeb . or so befoie berole before tliat th1t that i ihn1n It ItlHlppen Ithappened t lHlppen hn1n p encd < . when a yo youn YOl1n rb gu gnl 1I1 1 drag dragged draggedthe draggedthe ed edthe the only onl other suivivors suivisors SUt VJ\ VJ VJors \ ors of ' an 'ln ln in 'llr llr air airplane ' airplane plane crash out of the flamin flaminwreckage 01mlng 01mlngwrechage flamingwreckage n e wrechage wreckage and nnd ministered mlnIstpred to thenand thcm then thcm'tnd themand ' 'tnd tnd and ' foigot f01g0t forgot her own hm hints huits ts \ while hIJe sll\ sll sll'lded slm slmwaded slipwaded e ( \ \ waded 'lded lded ' long mIJec miles mile ? . ; do down " n a 1 ' sno\\ sno snow snodrifted snowdrifted snowdrifted ' \ drifted mountain mount'tln mounttln ' to gl\ gl give gle gne \ e the al1rm alarm al1rmnnd alarmand alarmand nnd and having h'lnng hlnng hiving ' given gl\"Cn gl "Cn Cn \ " It . , staggered st'lggercd stlggercd ' backagain back b'teb bteb backagain ' . again to do what 11'1t 111t ' el else < ; e she might * - . , . , Ban Bankers kers Versus Politics Politicsp PoliticsOJ PoliticsOIITICS PoliticspOIITICS p es1 OJ OIITICS ITICS certainly certalnh certalnls makes m1b.es m1bes . es estr1n tr1n tranged ed bedfellowsBut bedfellowsBut bedfellows bedfellowsBut But a n Presidential Prestdentlal campnign c\mpmgn c mpmgn campaign ' \ or ortwo o ortwo r two behind us ' and 'lnd lnd across the tile scene scenewith " , scenewith cene with \ Ith thundeious thundelous thunderous tread tre1cl : stalked ct'tlhed cttlhed stilked ' th thsacred the thesacred thesacred e sacred white cows caws of big gig money moneytheir , , theIr udders dripping drIpplnJ : " wisdom "Isllom Isllom nmsdom their theirgentlest tbei tbeigentlest theirgentlest r gentlest bellow belJow barkened h'lrhenell hlrhenell harkened ' to with \ lth ea en eneer eager ger cais ca1S eats hv hy by candidates cand1l1ates ' and 'lnd lnd delesates deleg'ttes delegttes delegates ' ' alike 'lHhe lHhe Statecraft Stateci ' aft 'lft lft mln mingled minled , le \ with Ith high highfin'lnce hig higfinance highfinance h fin'lnce finlnce finance ' \ was \ as what they offered olTered inrich In a n aIlch ftnch Ilch rich and creamy cre'lmv crelmv creamv ' measure me'tstJre metstJre ' to one and an anillthe andall d 111-the 111 the ill-the ill ' - the pontifical pontific'll pontificll ' Mitcheil 'IltehelJ IltehelJ Mitchell ' the omnipotent om omnlpotent omnipotent nlpotent nipotent Dawes D'lwes Dlwes Dswe ' , the infallible Inf'lllIble InflllIble ' In In5ull Insell Insull 5ull sell . , tlie the \ wondrous ondrous Wlsin Wirrin WI ? In ( subse subseQuently subsequently subsequently Quently known as the uncovered uncoveredWI uncoveredWiggin uncoveredWIggIn Wiggin WI gln ) And lo 10 , , the \ voice soice olce of ot OvenD 0\\ 0 0en Oven OwenD \ en enD D 1 ] loung oun dung " was "as as heard In the hndBut landBut land hnd landBut But now , alas ah alas , \ where here are the B'l Bl Bi B'lruchs Baruchs Birucks ' ruchs rucks of yesteryear yester yesterS e'lr elr ear'1 ear1 ear'1Why ' ? ' ' Why , If this summer the aver'l-e aver'l averl e average aver'ledlstlngnished averagedistinguished averagedistinguished ' , : - dlstlngnished distinguished or , as tlie the case cace : may maybe maybe maybe be , e\tln e tln extinguished e'tinguished etinguished " ' \ : ' ulshed International Intern'ltlonal Internltlonal ' banI bank banker banker . er tries to get into cither either nation'll nationll natlongl nation'llcomentlon natlonglconvention nationalconvention ' comentlon convention they 11 it charge ch'lrge chlrge cirirge ' him lum admission admission ad admission mission * . . * . Meandering HorsemenDARING Horsemen HorsemenA A ADARIG A DARING DARI\G DARI G ! \ soul , , resldln residing in 1n ahack ahack a aix ix back hack corner of III Biayll Biall a1I ? declde decided decidedto decidedto to rl ride e horseback horseb3cl . to New York Yorl . Aft Aft- After After After - er joeging jotgmg jogging : along some weeks weels , In inwhat Inwhat what \ hat might be he desciibed decllhed described " , as a 1 ' series seriesof seriesof seriesof of general eneral dliectlons dllectIons dlrections he reached reaelled RioJnneiro filoJnnelro filo Rio RioJaneiro Jnnelro Janeiro , only to dl discover drscoser < ; co\er co er \ he'd hed ' al alre3dy already already re3dy ready tl tiavcled tiaseled a\ a aeled \ eled 1 1,200 1200 , 00 miles mBes out ot of ofhis ofhis 11 his Is W'l Wl way wav ' v . . The name is given ' as 'lS lS Senor Se\ Se See Sese- Sese Seserlno Seve-rino Seve rino \ e- e - erlno - - rlno Moura Fon Fonseca < ; eca , but the tine gentle gentle- gentleman gentleman gentleman - - man certainly cert'lInly certlInly ' behaved as though he hewere hewere were ere a n congressional congresslon'll congresslonll ' Investigating Investigatingcommittee investigatingcommittee Investigatingcommittee committee Why , , he even ontW'ln ontWln outwan- outwan outwandered outwan-dcred outwan dcred ' - . dered Senator Black mack of Alubamn Alabama Alabamaand , 'lnd lnd Ind ' up until untII the other day d'lY dlY ' , , when whenthe whenthe whenthe the administration admlnlstr'ltlon admlnlstrltlon ' threw n a net overhim over overhim overhim him the senator sen'ltor senltor ' held the world's worlds world'schnmplon'5hlp world'schampionship world'schnmpionship worldschnmpionship ' chnmplon'5hlp chnmplon5hlp championship ' for loo loose e wanderingIt's wandering wnnderlnJ wanderingIt's : It's Its ' startling I Isn't Isnt < ; n't nt ' It It , , how how sudden sudden- surl suddenly suddenly en- en eny - ) ly y the great silence desc descends nds upon upona a statesman who gets out of 11ne line linewith linewith with lth the ICopyright top hos bosses es ? 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