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Show $ EEN rJNaIdIIEAUD rJNaIdIIEAUDc HEARD -c-- c - cMAIN o/1 o 1 : / - - - MAIN STREET I e Q1 Q1of of r rThe The simple sJn1pIc life hfe of the s svI sv"lgc siv- siv s\v- s v sivgeb ' \ tv- tv tvzgea - I "lgc lgc zgea " geb ! : > lias has sometlmiff SOmeUlIl1J sometluxig : ' to ctlm- ctlm corn- corn ctlmI ctlmmcnd cornmend com commend - I mend mcnd it Jt , after aftcr all A news ncns re- re reI report report re report - - I port from the Cong-o Cong o Congo - tells hon hots honI hotsI ho hoa I :4 4 : a : \ , tribe tnbe killed hUIed , cooked and ate atc a atite atax 1\ 1 . ' \ 1colIector tite ' " collector colIector . I ' . . . I You can cant t fool foil all the people all allth allthA allth thA th time , but th\t th t thlt thits ' \ 5 s not necessary neccss'1ry neccss1ry necesszry necesszrya neccss'1rya ' . -a a - - a simple majcnty maJnty marnty : will Wll ] do - . . Porter 'You You * ' You Ycu can fc t smoke in m hereDont here hereDon hereDon , Don t you see that sign slgTI , 'No No ' Smok Smoking Smoking SmokIns ing ' ' " ? ! ' ' Sure and there's theres ' another slgTI sign signthat signthat ! that saS sass sa } s 'Wear Wear ' Spirellas Spirella s Corsets Coi Coo sets sets'vnn setsvnn ' You cant c.an can can . t obev obey all the rules " I I Growing Growmg Lightel Lighter . - Sunnse Sunrise IS'gradually is'gradually is isgradually gradually 'gradually ' becoming beccming a enrlier e'1rlier e1rlier ' trlier each eachmorning eachmorning morning , and later e-T-h e T h e'1"h e1h eq"h eqh ' - " - mght- mght night- night mghtSanta nightSanta night nightSanta - 1 1morning Santa Barbara ( Calif Cahf ) paper . . . paperI I i iMarshall Marshall Woodruff Woodntff Madam 'Madam ' Madamdidnt , dldn didn t you see me hold up my myI myhand myhand myhand0 I hand ? " ' Wbman ( at the theheel wheel \\heel heel \ ) ) ' . "I I " did didnot didnot didnot not ' ' "Dldn Dldn "Drdn Drdn "Didnt Didnt " t you hear me blow my myv mywhistle mywhistle9 v . whistle ' hlst1e ? ' 'I I ' did net nt : " 'Didnt Didnt 'Dldn Dldn ' Drdn t 5011 you } OU hear me holler atyou at atou you ou to stoP stop9 ? " ' ' 'I I ' I did not " . I Ma.lshall Malshall Marshall Mai . shall Woodruff Wcodruff "Well Well " I guess guessI I might mlght asell as \ well \\ell ell go home I don dontseem t I Iseem seem to be doing domg any good here " . . . DefinitIonOPTIMIST DefinitionOPTIhIIST Definition DefinitionOPTIMIST OPTIMIST OPTIhIIST A chap chapwho -who who - is stillwaiting still stillwaitmg stillwaitmg waitmg waiting l for or the chain cham letters tobnng tobring to tobnng bnng bring his h1.s h1s . dimes fumes back . . . When 'Vhen Vhen ' a man doesn't doesnt ' care a awhoop awhoop awhoop whoop what people think of ofhim ofhim ofhim him he has reached either the thetop thetop thetop top or the bottom . . * . . A dealer wrote to a firm orderinga ordertnga ordertng ordering a carload of merchandise The finn firm finnv.ired firmwired firmwired v.ired vired wired v.ired'ICa1U1JOt . ' "Cannot Cannot 'ICa1U1JOt ICa1U1JOt " ship until you pay payfor payfor payfor for last consignment " . "Unable Unable " to t wait so long , " wired wiredthe wiredthe wiredthe the dealer , "cancel cancel " the order " . . . : A drunk dnver driver was brought broughtbefore broughtbefore broughtbefore before Judge Johnson but couldn't could could- couldn't couldn't - n't nt ' stop talking t.alking . : The couldI judgehowever Judge , I however , managed to getin get in 1D ashort ashort a ashort short sentence . , . . . ! Then thereas there \ was \\as as the absentmind- absentmind absentminded absentmind-ed absentmind ed - - ed professor who whb ! drove up to hisglarage his hisgarage hisgarage garage door , looked in and seeing seeinghis seeinghis seeinghis his car not there , blinked bUnked , turned turnedaround turnedaround turnedaround around jumped in m to his h1s car and anddrove anddrove anddrove drove like I1ke blazes to police pollce head head- headquarters headquarters headquarters - quarters to reptot rep'ort report rephrt ' his lus car stolen . . . Cliy Chy Davis can cant t seeI see \I I \ ; why hy they theyalways theyalways theyalways always say "May May " the best man wm win win'in winin , ' , ' in political campaigns The best bestman bestman bestman I man , . he says , never is running . . . DefimtlonHOME DefinitionHOME Definition Defimtlon DefinitionHOME HOME Where you can scratchany scratchany scratch scratchany any place that thdt itchesThe itches . * . . The mistress of the house toeard heard toeardthe heardthe l eardthe the door bell nng ring , and saw standmg standing standingon standmgon on the front . perch prch : a Chinese Chmese ped- ped peddler peddler ped peddler - dler Quickly Qmckly retiring retirmg , she called caUed to tothe tothe tothe the maid lTh'ud lThud . ' ' , There s sa -a a - - a Chinaman . at the door doorYou doorYou doorYou You go goo , . Ella EJla ' This ThlS Thus was too much for the theChinese theChinese theChinese Chinese \ who ho stuck his h1s head m the thehall thehall the'hall thehall ' hall and shouted indignantly mdlgnantly indignantly'You mdlgnantly'You indignantly'You 'You You ' go ella , S yourself ourse1f ourself " ' ' ' . . . Insurance Agent Ever E\er E er Ecer \ ha\e ha e have \ ap- ap appenfucltis appendrertis ap appendicitis9 - pendicitis9 penfucltis pendrertis ? " ' ' Tom Mix I " , was as operated upen upon upenbut uponbut uponbut but I have never been quite sure surewhether surewhether surewhether whether it was appendicitis or professlOnal professional pro professional fessional fesslOnal curiosity cunoslty ' . * . . No , men ha\cn't ha cn't cnt hacn't hacnt \ % ' quit bUYing bUYingprcsents buyingpresents buyingpresents prcsents presents for their thclr wives They TheyJust Theydust Theyjust Just dust don't dont ' know about it unblthe untilthe until unbl untilthe the bills come in ID . * . * . CAPITAL-the CAPITAL the CAPITAL - - the money you lend lendLABORrthe lendLABOR'the lendLABOR getting gettin ting tin LABORr-the LABORr the LABOR-'the LABOR 'the it back - - the ' effort required reqwred lendI get- get - get - I . * . . Tip to ' \ Ministers l\hmstcrs l hmstcrs MinistersHow How Hov . to make male the members of ofthe ofthe ofthe the congregation pay attention tothe ro to rothe tothe the sermon-put sermon put sermon - put the clock right nght be- be behmd behind be-hmd be hmd - hmd hind the pulpit pulpitI I old folks party todayI todaySome todaySome today I ' Some 200 head of sheep owned by byHoward byHoward byHoward Howard Lithrop L\throp L throp Lathrop ' \ were killed kUled in arange a arange range ofrange war wnr aboutGrand about 22 miles south of ofGrand ofGrand Grand Junction this weekThP weekThe week weekThp Thp The San Juan Jum Commeicial Commelcial Commetcial club clubas clubwas clubwas this thiswcek thisweek thisweek \\as as was \ \ organiyed organi7cd organtred at Monticcllo Monticello wcek week , , , with George A Adams as pre president prc- prc prcsident prcsident - sident and Oscar W McConkie as assecretary assecretary A vice president and as- as assisbnt assistant as-sistint as sistint - sisbnt sistant secretnry secret1ry secretary in each communi communi- ccmrnunI- ccmrnunI community ccmrnunIty - ty in rn the county ' " was vas as chosen chosenA chosenI A new llC\\ llC nen llC11'111 \ mil7 11'111 11111 mii ' ' route routf from Montlcel1G Monticello Monticelloeast Monticcll&east Monticclleast Montlcel1Geast & east to Dove cicek cleek creelk had been e estab- estab established estab established tab- tab - - Ihshed IhshedI IhshedAt lishedAt lished At a Relief Rellet society sodety charactel character ball ballWill Wlll Will Hawks Hm\1.s Hm1.s Hm 1.s 1s Hasls \ . and Misi Miss MJ & . . Ruth We"t- We"t Wet West- West - We"tv.o&d " - v.o&d v.od vod . & I Isere < t were sere " , ere given givcn prizes for the best bestcostumes bestcostumes costumes - - |