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" A - MAIN STREET STDEET STREETLife FM FMF FMLife F Life , says Dad Bccson Beeson . , is very much verymuch justwhit Justwht dustwhit . like a laundry-you laundry you laundry - you get Just dust wh\t wh t whit \ "ou ou you , " ou put into II1to it but you don't dont ' don'talua dontalua don'talna don'tahias alna ahias ) s recognize ItVe itWe it itWeve - dfck-ens dfck ens dlckens dickens \Ve Ve We \ Weve ve cften cHen w wondcicd wondered < mdcICd hc\\ hc hca hcthe hc \ the dlck-- dlck dick- dick - - ens Jesse Maxwell Ma\.well Ma.well Ma .well well Matiwell ' \ . always alwavs picks up a achunk achunk chunk achunk of meat that is cxicfcly cx\ctly cx ctly exactly ' \ the theplice theprice theprice plice price asked for fori i 'A A ' A long and tliesome thesome tiresome jouiney joull1ey journey , said saidan saidan saidan an Englishman to a Scotchman , as asl asthe the London-Abeldeen London Abeldeen London-Aberdeen Aberdeen London-Abel London Abel - deen expiess expless express neared | nearedits Its destination destination"A "A A " . e c an ' sie s\e s e sae ' \ it ought to be foi fci the themoney themoney themoney money , ' agieed agleed agreed the ScctchmanNature Scotchman Scctchman ScotchmanNature I INature whyasks Nature may _ b be wise awise a wise se , , but why , asks Dad Gumniit Gumnut Gunumt , did she gwe give givethick gwetluck tluck thick . , skulls sl-.ulls sl.ulls sl .ulls ulls - . to the ones who have havethe the least to protect ? - What every woman craves-a craves a craves - - a wnst wrist wnstatch wristcatch wnstwatch I wnstI \\atch atch catch hosethat ' \ that will run and a pair parr of hose that "on on v a " on tPETTING t tPETTING PETTING PE'ITING PEITING ' , , SAYS A MEDICAL MEDICALAUTHORITY MEDICALAUTHORITY MEDICALAUTHORITY AUTHORITY , SHORTENS LFE LFETHERE L LIFETHERE IFE IFETHERE ! THERE S LITTLE LITrLE DOUBT BUT BUTTHAT I BUTI THAT IT SHORTENS SINGLE LIFEFred LIFE LIFEFred I IFred LIFEi Fred Strong : says his biggest disap dlsap- dlsap hsap- hsap hsappointment disappointment - dlsapI pointment poantment in an ufe l1fe life came when he was a aboy aboy aboy boy . He lIe crawled under a tent to see a aCircus acircus acircus Circus , and found himself at a revival revivalmeetmg revivalmeeting revivalmeeting meetmg meeting . DefinitionGENUINE DefinitionGENUINE Definition DefinitionGENUINE GENUINE HUMORIST-Qne HUMORIST Qne HUMORIST-One One HUMORIST - - One who whocan whocan whocan can steal a . joke , and rewrite It so socleverly socleverly socleverly cleverly the originator will steal it itback itback itback back againThen again againi Then there was the man in Texas Texaswho Texaswho Texaswho who hadn't hadnt ' kissed his wife for ayear ayear a year , but shot a man who had bad . IMerl Meri Merl MorseuAh Morse "Ah Ah uAh " , , my boy xy } ) , you must musthave musthave musthave have used much patience , much muchequanimity muchequanimity muchequanimity equanimity , to . capture ce.pture cepture rapture such a fine finespecimen finespecimen finespecimen specimen ' of 'Of fish " Boy ' "No No " , sir , I usedorms used \ worms \\orms orms " The men may pay par for the car- car carpet carpet car carpet - pet In the church , but the women women"ear womenwear womenwear "ear ear wear " it d . out , reflects Doc Trout . . "I've Ive " ' ' nothing but praise for this ser- ser sermon sermon ser sermon - mon , " said Percy Whiflletree Whiffletree after he hehad hehad hehad had heard Rev Parks preach And Andwhen Andwhen Andwhen when the Ule collection plate was Gas v . as passed passedhe , he proved itPOME it itPOME POMETucked POMETucked POME POMETucked Tucked away beneathThJs beneathThis beneath beneathThis This ThJs mound moundHe moundHe moundHe He lies Ices . His lies l1es l1es'Vere liesWere liesWere ' Were 'Vere Vere found . Best Man ( seeking bndgroom after I . ceremony ) * ' ' "Where's Wheres 'Where's " ' ' . MacAngus Ma.cAngus ? " : Guest ' . "He's Hes " ' at the back of the car , I trying cartrying on old shoes : ; . " ' - They say Tom Mix took his girl into intoa wouldlike a booth ' at 'at the Utah Cafe "I I " would like bgangallantly to propose a little toast , " he bgan , gallantly . "Nothing Nothing " doing , " said SMd the lady "I I "Iwant "Iwant "Iwant Iwant " want a regular meal " Boy ( watching military milltary : parade ) ' . parade'Hey paradeHey ' , Hey , Mrs Jones , here comes the theMrs thetankr thetank tank thetankrMrs ' ' Mrs M'rs ' Jones "Land Land " sakes sakesi ! Hcre Here HercsJohn s sJohn sJohn John home and supper ain aim aint t started startedyet startedyet startedyet yet " When a man m'U1 mU1 min ' gets too old to cet set ceta seta ; seta a bad example , he be begins to gn g gneffood .e e . e egood .egood good advise advlSC . And the woman wonmn who knows knOs knO\\ knO \ \ s how to tomanage tomanage tomanage manage a husband , never had oneYoung one oneYoung Young ManI ManMay Man I ' 'May May I have the next nextdance nextdance nextdance dance ? " Young MatronuNo Matron "No No uNo " thank you , I am amtoo amtoo amtoo too danced out " . polite'No politeNo Youn Man ( slightly deaf , but polite ) ' 'No No ' you're youre joU're joUre ' not , Madam You're Youre ' just justmcc justnice justnice mcc nice and plump " A p preacher cher at the close of a senl1Ol1 sermon senl1Ol1said sermonsaid sermonsaid said ' 'Let Let ' Let all in the house who are arepa arepaying arepaying pa paying ng their debts stand up " " Instant Instant- Instantly Instantly Instantly - ly every e.ery eery . man and nd ndoman \ woman \\oman oman \ with oue ex- ex exception exception ex exception - - ception rose to their feetThe feetThe feet feetThe The preacher seated them , . and said said"Now saidNow , "Now Now " every man not paying his debts debtsstand debtsstand debtsstand stand up " The exception noted , a care- care carew Carew care-w care w - w o 0 r n , hungry-looking hungry looking hungry-loo1Jng loo1Jng - individual individualclothed , clothed in last summers summer s suit , slowly slowlyrose slowlyrose slowlyrose slowlyrose"How rose rose"How "How How " is it 1t , my friend , " asked the theminister theminister theminister minister , . ' that you are the only only ; , man manwho manwho manwho who doesn't doesnt ' meet his obligations ? " "I I OIl " run a newspaper , . " he meekly an- an answered an answered - swered , "and and " the brethem brethern who stood stoodup stoodup stoodup anII II subscribers and- and and"Let and"Let and " up are my , . andI - I "Let Let " us pray , " exclaimed the minis mmis- mmis minis- mmistier minisberExchange minister - : tierExchange ber-Exchange ber Exchange ter tier Exchange -Exchange - |