Show I TOE TO a r P OR ANIIE fOR OR ROT A new civic organization sprang into existence last night A meeting was held in the lobby of one of the downtown downtown downtown down down- town Hotels which resulted In the formation formation for- for mation of the Amalgamated Order OrdeL of Town Pests The constitution adopted declares that that every ever every man wom woman n or child generally generally generally gener gener- ally re regarded as s a public nuisance shall shan be eligible to membership and nd no perso person person per per- so son shall be discriminated against because because because be be- cause of age sex or color coor The main object of the order i is to protect members from the unreasonable demands of individuals who want Salt Lake Laka City to be something something- more than thai thaila a ja jay town l Bourbon Bourbon- ism was suggested as a n fit slogan sogan There was a spirited contest between Theater Pest and Jay Walker for th the presidency o of f the organization The merits of each were expatiated upon pon upon by bya byn a n champion whose words of praise made every other nuisance present envious t fl nominate Theater Pest declared i Umbrella Sticker because he more i than any other fiend among us exemplifies fies the tho princ principles for which we stand He lie never arrives at the theater until the tho performance is well under way He lie Heis Heis lieis is careful always to have an inside scat seat so that he may climb over the knees of several ladies adies and gentlemen g Ho HG laughs during during- the pathetic periods and talks talles all the time For the delectation of all his neighbors he be announces what character will will appear next He pat- pat the dime the slot the sot candy box on the back of the seat in front then crumples the paper couches the sweets and smacks his lips lip so BO that nobody within four rows can hear bear a word thatis thatis that thatis is is said on the stage an eloquent spiel sneered one nuisance but who are you that you should assume to judge 0 of lou the qualifications qualifications qualifications of any candidate If It responded Umbrella Sticker expanding his chest I 1 1 am the man who appears in ever every crowd with an umbrella tucked carefully under m my arm the sharp end so aimed that it penetrates your eye oye I number many victims The speaker was loudly loudy applauded and the demonstration of enthusiasm was resumed when Mr Toothpick Pest arose ose As an karat 18 abomination I crave It ItIS It Itis your indulgence 1 he be e announced is I who walk your streets with a apiece piece of lumber in my face faco employing this instrument to d delve lve into the caverns of my my mouth an and l extract particles which I omit emit upon your shoes My candid candidate te for the presidency of ot this au august and disgusting assembly is isa is isa a man Dlan who V I. I Name him demanded a dozen voices I I will shouted Toothpick Pest lie He is none other than our distinguished distinguished distin distin- fell fellow citizen citizen w-citizen the honorable Mr Street-Car Street Hog He Be is s the firstman firstman first man to climb cUmb on on n the car arid and he plants himself at th the end of the seat to inconvenience in inconvenience in- in convenience other passengers to the greatest possible extent His particular lar Jar delight is to occupy an amount of space which might comfortably accommodate accommodate accommodate two or even three persons Heis Heis He Ho Hois is a half-brother half to the woman who refuses refuses re reo re- re fuses to thank you when you arise to give her your seat Theater Pest was elected by a a. very narrow mar margin in Jay Walker Wallter was chosen chos chos- en vice He acknowledge the compliment in a a. few appropriate reI remarks re- re I marks marks pledging himself always to turn turn to the left instead of the right and to monopolize the entire width of the sidewalk sidewalk side side- walk wak whenever possible When the election of secretary was ordered there was a popular demand for reco recognition of the fairer sex and a representative representative rep rep- representative of femininity was chosen by acclamation I I you yon said the secretary secretary- elect I I accept this honor on behalf behal of my my many man many sisters who assist me in blocking the entrance to the drugstore drug drugstore drugstore store every afternoon makin making it impossible im impossible im- im possible for any man man manor or combination of men to go in or out unless they have derricks derrick's with them or form themselves into a flying firing wedge 1 it Is Is You For it Enough You For v Fiend was elected treasurer All An of the persons who have been named signed the constitution and b by by- laws So did Jay Jay- Driver Sidewalk and Sword Swallower the man who shovels fool into his mouth with his knife |