Show Laugh With Me- Me Not At Atlie Me lie Says I I Nick lick Altrock Baseball Clown I I m Vt S 1 I VA l i t y W DY BY DEAN SNYDER HY go sO to a dentist to L I take e laughing I W WHY gas when you can go o to a ball ballpark pAIk park and see sec Nick Altrock You'll find it easier easler to take L' and the results will beat It farther than Bambino Bambino Bam Bam- I bino can sod mci a There's Theres Just one Nick Altrock In the world b world bIg big s lovable laugh getting nutt nutty Nick the Nick the court je Jester ter and the clown of I our baseball 8 BEHIND HIND MASK Working behind his mak mask of or buffoonery he lie Is as ns much a part of ot the tle game as Marc are arc Its stars It is the business of or Ruth nuth Cobb Speaker Hornsby and others to thrill the stands with their smartness and to make ninke them glow with the en enthusiasm enthusiasm en- en that only brilliance can pro pro- duce But Bitt Nick Its It's his hili job to make the fans tans laugh Day after day ho lie works work on th the th sidelines sidelines side side- lIn lines 9 with all the glory and sensitiveness of a prIma donna of ot the legitimate stage The Tue stuff sture It takes to make folks laugh Nicks Nick's got He HI isn't a makeup clown He was born with the goods on him I EXPECTS APPLAUSE I Laugh with me not at me Nick I says SMS And the they do Nick expects applause quite as muchas much I as an actor before the flickering footlights toot foot lights of or accepting It as ht his due If It he doesn't get It which it-which which Is s sel sel- II dom dam om If ev he over r he Is as disappointed as a rebuked child Ho lIe he hc poses he acts positively silly He hits balls that were never pitched He fields flies lies that were never I Knocked ed He swims on the dust dusty chalk lines JInes He lIe sneaks up on that were never r cocooned Sometimes he walks a tight wire iO 40 feet teet in the air you ou would Judge from tho the contortions and swaying he ho goes through lie He stands on his head he dances on his car ear ExpressIons Expressions Ex Ex- Ex- Ex fly on and off oft his face faster taster than a wireless makes dots and d dashes SWAYS CROWD HI His face isn't handsome I It would not exactly be tho answer to a maidens maiden's dreamy prayer hut but It Il is a laugh getter from the very first takeoff It sways his crowds quite quito as convincingly ly as a Billy Sunday sermon or a lullaby Ever spontaneously spontaneous comical his wit arises to the th moment as ns natural as ns a steamboat whistles In a tor fog GIBES HURT HIM Sharp remarks concerning his person personal J appearance pu c from unthinking I s 1 I. I 4 2 r I II I L cut him to ro the quick He Re e brooks over them for tor days when off tho ho pl playing field i it t tt on the sidelines he conceals his personal per- per ronal fonal feelings 8 behind a no mask of satirical boisterousness Players are arc arc always on the alert to lo aid him In his stunts tt All the managers and umpires are for tor him They remember that Nick Mck was on once Co a baseball l star whoso whose name w was s on every ones one's lips Those were tho the palmy days for tor him OTH OTHER R DAYS Back In ln 1906 1906 along alone w with h Ed Walsh Jess T Tannehill n and Doc Doe White he ho helped pitch tho the Chicago White Sox Into t a pennant That was th the year ear the Windy City boys were called the Hitless Wonders But nut the strain of ot that seaSOnS seaSOn'S sea- sea eon SOnS eons a wor work chan changed d him from one ono of or the premier southpaws of the tile big leagues Into Inton a n has been He Ho went ent to the minors then to eke out an existence for tor the rest of ot his shattered shat shat- baseball career In 1912 Clark Griffith brought him to lo Washington to do a brother clown act with the late Jato Germany Schaeffer Ban Johnson I frowned Crowned on the stuff stutt Germany was waa banished from the tho portals of at the park Nick has stayed on alone alon unmolested and enjoyed FANS FOR HIM The fans fang have c come to demand him to speak k his piece wherever the NaU pl play y At homo home they have been known to ask aIk their money back when tho the Jester didn't work Griff has strict orders to i 1 I I 1 it 7 Tt y I r t. t I bring him to Cleveland and aM N New Ne w Ie Ted k all nil road trips Circus managers have tried to Io lay 1 I out of ot baseball The movies have hav J ir sz to put him on tho the In valo vais I 1 urn Til never quit baseball 1 as It Ion Ion- i J can make tho tans fans laugh hugh to he says 1 ball park Is la the tho only onh I l toi K to Kever i ever known And then while hiie fn fo d dall d- d all those silly things s I can tan dream c the the- theold old days when I im wu a star not star not a l. l freak Jester LONG GIGGLE And so Nick c goes s about lila his b 1 blitz of ot making do its I her beg eg sip tj They sa say an actress Is b no oder older tl tI her ankle nowadays We might adi t I Nicks Nick's lino IIno Is youn younger er than that to 0 lot horns barns a new repertoire every tiie tIu opens his mouth The chapter 13 la writing Into our baseball history hitter i r I last t as s Ion long as the cows COW come boat honc If It you haven't met Nick Altrock 31 i baseball education Is still In the torn coin stage and If It you ever do eee tee him JH Jo i going to join In on the chorus wits ulti co ro gosh h Nicks Nicka a n. miracle miracleS |