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Show JUST A STRIP OF JOKES TO MAKE YOUR DAY MERRIER. j - a- - - A TRUE FRIEND. Town Topics. Teacher Who was the bst lU-nd 1 rein re-in nd vr hail? Irish Srholar Ol don't Just now remember, remem-ber, but he discovered Ameiiky. HIS POLITE QUERY. v Washington Star. i "Women claim that the way to get on with a man Is to give him plenty of nicely cooked food." . "Well," answered Mr. Slrius Barker, irritably, ir-ritably, "why don't some of them try it?" SHY AT DRAWING. Chicago News. ' "When I was a young man." said Storm-ington Storm-ington Barnes, "I went on the stage with the determination of becoming the architect archi-tect of my own fortune." "Welirr Inquired Walker Holme. "Aa an architect," continued Mr. Barnes, "I-"wa a successful failure be- cause of my inability to draw large hullMfS." A CONFIDENT ASSERTION. "Some political economists," said the woman with steel-rimmed glasses, "say that an excess of money is a disease." "Well," answered young Mrs. Torklns, "If you know any on who is worried that' way he can go to the races with my hua-band hua-band and get cured." A PARAPHRASE. Soma men are born to greatness; With luck their lives begin. And some achieve distinction And others Just "butt in." A SKEPTIC. "He's too honest to use money on an election." "Well," said Senator Sorghum, "I don't know. Maybe he's too honest and then again, maybe he's too sconomlcal." A MINOR CONSIDERATION. "So you have found & new servant," said Mrs. Bllggins. "Yes," answered her husband proudly. "I don't know yet how much salary she wants." "Never mind about the salary. Find out how many people there are in her family, and wbether'they have large appetites." HIS AMENDMENT. Puck. "When telling secrets." observed the man who Is fond of moral reflections, "remember "re-member that your friend has a friend, and your friend's friend, a friend." "An' your friend's friend's friend, prob-bly prob-bly a wife, a mother-in-law, an' two or three maiden sisters what keep poll parrots," par-rots," added Hiram Hardscrabble, with acerbity. This rather disheartening sign was displayed dis-played to the, view of customers in a fish store in lower Sixth avenue: "Boy wanted to open oysters sixteen year old." Nsw York Sun. f A FRIEND IN NEED. Chicago Tribune. The professor, while crossing the muddy street, slipped and fell. Whereupon the woman Just behind him. with the bundles In her arms, uttered a piercing little shriek. "Thank you, madam," aid the professor, profes-sor, picking himself up, "for drowning my hasty remark." "Socrates was a wonderfully patient, forbearing, forgiving, though greatly imposed im-posed upon, man," said Mrs. Meekton: "Yes,' answered Leonldas, "and I understand un-derstand he owed it all to his wife." |