Show V AS s trying to rhyme jI ROZIER IER WITH Rupprecht C S SHEN m HEN A man came in in in S S S I INTERRUPTED TER U TED me by saying m ID D LIKE LIKE to have mo mo me KEA AKEiA A printed speech 0 for him hm ROUT R- R OUT jOur ANOTHER h hog g. g OVERLOOKED LOOKE IVE 4 lC CB IS s the woman t 0 RINGS the bellL bell L j E street car R stop D jIEN when th tho car ea rc t S S S s S SER t ER to alight i i. i J S SS S C S w E STOPS SOPS OPS to say goodbye THE E woman 1 THE UlE front seat scat m e D YS VS S SS f S S 4 HEN ARE y comin comm down K w i ING MABEL along next time timo l TELl ELL you some time y v R To 10 bake bread I OUT FLOUR IK lOUT D SAVE for tho Allies K J S THAT SI-THAT THAT'S S what h t I tell John ft- ft v E cant can't s slave av 0 ourselves 1 fr S S C S DEATH EATH for fop the tho men No HE nev r eats car carrots I H HE E SAYS the need em FOR IFOR THEIR complexions WELL GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYES S AS SH SHE E starts toward the door GOODBYE S SHE GOES back for a moment I I FORGOT to tell you I i PUT up 46 quarts of prunes AND ALL but 40 of them S S S 5 ARE KEEPIN just fine S 4 5 4 WELL GOODBYES GOODBYE GOODBYE- r S S S AS S SHE S E goes Joes toward oar the door dool asai again I GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBY 5 S 5 5 S AFTER WHICH l' l S C S i TH THE E CA CAR R mo moves cs on on It I i AND AND THE conductor S Sa a s fin f BITES HIMSELF S. S IN SEVEN places AND THE same thing i S I HAPPENS AGAIN at the next corner S S S STILL TI TILL LL TH THE E carIS car S SIS IS A half hour hou I late Ite te I IGEE GEE GEC IT must mUt be bo fun S S a I RUNNING A street carI carSS car n SS S-S S I I THANK you I J THE n GIFT YOU FOR FORGOT GOT 1 I I By HERBERT HERBER T KAUFMAN KA KAUFMAN t i t r r 5 S r. r SS J S v JOd d brings word that the s sugar sugarS r rp S p plum PlUTh r blighted and the gift harvesta failure 5 I I 5 Derth of elves elves' and gnomes inability to procure procure pro pro- S. S cure paints and t timber and the disappearance of or orthe the reindeer herd will vill prevent Santa Claus Glaus from filling his Chris Christmas orders 5 And all this just when hen war va had commandeered commanS comman comman- S his branch shops in the Black forest fore and h hate te had closed the big doll plant at lt Several attempts to relieve t the e shortage by S rushing supplies I of raw v materials from the Spice i. i islands the Chocolate plantations and our out own S lumber yards were were frustrated by submarines The labor we ve might have lent him is emS employed em enI- S at at ammunition making and n airship build build- ing The pop lolly-pop industry ordinarily to be Ie je counted upon in emergency vent went out of busi business less S last mouth month under wider decree of the food tor S SS I S 5 So unless you and we ve e and everybody else 1 who vho understands the tragedy hiding in an empty stoc ing dont don't hustle and bust bustle tomorrow a and and- ld collect i jacks l 1 g j c s and nd and red redY Y rocking chairs and follies J s. s and games and horns WI mn I mil iii III II III j and drums they may Inay be found about t town goodness knows vs how many any soldiers' soldiers balms and scrubwomen's kiddies and tenement nt waifs ifs S will viII be left in the cold on Tuesday morning Most ost of em enl are cold enough this morning morning- and aId ld probably hungry too The high cost of living has made the cost of giving higher than even for wolf volf fighters i m Privation was vas never so general never so sa sq intense intense intense in in- tense in our experience You cant can't imagine the battles batles going on under your very eyes the eyes the scraping scraping scraping scrap scrap- ing and scrimping and slice counting and meat neat paring the paring the patching and mending the mending the fuel nursing and cinder co collecting by which bereft des deserted de de- de- de s sub slaves and char drabs manage to sustain sus- sus sustain sus sus- tam tain their famished tattered ed broods through these dread times I IThen Then there are the the sick men who vho would work vork and cant can't and the drunkards and loafers who sufficiently curse their families fatuities days day to the year and are now about to add the anguish ofa ofa of ofa a a joyless shivering Christmas to fo t their habitual and shames Organized charity seldom knows the worst vorst cases Pride shuts many a watering va mouth a and d often conceals a bare are cupboard S 5 t I Copyright 1917 by Herbert Kaufman Groat Great Britain and all II other rights reserved IIII J S S 'S If youve you've v wondered what becomes of impoverished old ladies and superannuated clerks the I policeman in any shabby-genteel shabby neighborhood will inform you fk And although they are not perhaps aware of it he has guessed the secret of the pinched face ace girl in the summer suit and tile the youth without an overcoat in the boarding hou house e next net door f You complete didn't-complete complete your shopping list you you overlooked these For Gods God's sake in memory S of dearly ch cherished cherished cher cher- r- r 1 hours under magic mantles in th the long ago in the name of little dead brothers and sisters and I of ba babies ies sleeping aI among ong the snows vs or maybe because you ca can 1 recall bitter and humiliating S adventures at the outset of your career and if you dont don't in gratitude because you escaped S them climb down at least one chimney Christmas as Eve light Eve light at least one Yule log stick log stick a tree in ina a one gaunt room leave a basket before at S least one door put a decent pair of shoes hoeS on at least one youngster and a surplus coat if you cant can't afford to buy a new one on a famine fighters fighter's fighters fighter's fight fight- S ers er's rheumatic old back S S Play Santa claus laus Put yourself in His place Remember th the s shorn C orn lamb Iamb and He will vill not for forget t. t S S s 5 |