Salt Lake Telegram | 1928-09-20 | Page 6 | Telling the World

TELLING THE 11 WORLD By NEAL OHARA O'HARA Copyright Press Publishing Co New v York World 1928 NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT 1 MEANS J Both parties have taken a lot oj comfort and satisfaction over what happened in Maine The Pine Tre ballots that were were dropped down the h. h chute according to conservative Republican estimates mean that Hoover will not only carry the na nation nation tion but Alaska Hawaii and Guam The results also bolstered t th Demo rats up Before Defore the Main election donkey headquarters fi fig figured urcU the Democrats would b sw swamped to O. O No sue suc margin developed It is il true th Democratic slate got ked Bu Buthe tile the G. G O. O P. P licked them with velve velv gloves Maine statistics now nov cate the Democrats say roy that J. J Smith will not only get electoral votes to be chosen unan but ho he will have left over to send to hOSPItals a ar orphans orphans' homes That's what tile the Maine signifies according to co you read it in S S S The political axiom states liAs As Maine goes so goes the nation This gives the Democrats a tough break as Maine is Just as liable to togo togo go Democratic as Charles E E. E Hughes is to ask for a shave Maine has been ting Republican since its pine needles sprouted a territory into a state But ever every four years both oth parties derive com comfort fort and consolation from the fig figures ures the messenger boys drag in in S S S SEvery j Every pr annum the O. O P. P works up a lather and announces an- an 11 it If they can edg the Dem- Dem out the country will certainly go Republican The are practically as pop eyed in their lr biased claims The Democrats say say unless they are beaten to a pulp in Maine it will wiil be a happy signal th that t the other seven forty states are go going go ing to flop right into their net What are aro you OU going to do with national committees like that J S S S SIf 1 If everyone could be as optimistic optimistic tic as politicians are heres here's the wa way the of the World w war would have been explained In a statement issued Novem er 12 1918 Kaiser Wilhelms Wilhelm's head headquarters quarters said The liThe results of th the World war were highly to us Before we entered the fracas we expected to be beaten by a hand handsome handsome some margin We have studied th the results carefully and cant can't see where the allies accomplished a thing In trimming us 1 The liThe fact that Our armies were pot not chased into Siberia or push pushed d dinto into the Arctic ocean and left ti t drown indicates Germany will b beat at America England Japan France Italy Brazil and China single handed in in the next war The ut come of this preliminary skirmish is is just the tonic we needed S S S SIt I It is wonderful how party dha r. r men get et so much nourishment out of an adding machine No matter what the totals amount to it is ie all for the best In fact the e results always make maklO everybody so 50 happy that both sides aides have their interpretations written out before the tho Maine folks even go to the polls It f a ball team could get as opt optImistic as a national I chairman the e eRed Red Re-d Sox would be claiming the pe pen nant now If a bank clerk was as erratic in juggling figures he would hand in jail jaB But Democratic Demo and Republican headquarters are They band out colored views that would go great In the comic section and land on page onE I IS I S S S SAs liAs As Maine goes so roes the na We wonder what they claimed in 1898 when the Maine blew up I 1