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Show 'TWAS EVER THUS ONE DAY that outspoken, unconventional uncon-ventional musician, Eugene D'Albcrt. whose numerous marriages marri-ages had been matched by an equal number of divorces, was an inter- ested listener to a lecture on archeology. arche-ology. A famous man of science was holding forth on bis latest expedition. ex-pedition. "And thus," announced the lectur-I lectur-I er, "the only relic we have of the ancient Assyrians are a few hundred hun-dred pieces of broken crockery." As the speaker paused to let this I surprising thought penetrate the minds of his listeners, the silenei was broken by the voice of D'Albert D'Al-bert observing, "Ah, so matrimony Is a very ancient institution!" JUST LIKE DDT When Joe McCarthy was cracking the whip one of his players was I spending too many of his evenings I in the taverns. Just before game I time, McCarthy mounted a bench. In one hand he held a glass1 of water, wa-ter, in the other a worm. Joe dropped the worm into the water. It wriggled about with a great display dis-play of energy. Then he removed the worm and picked up a second glass this one filled with liquor. Holding the worm high for all to see, he dropped it into the whisky. It wriggled about gaily for a moment, mo-ment, then sank to the bottom dead. McCarthy looked about the room. His eye caught that of the erring player. "You, there!" he rasped. "What did my little experiment teach you?" The player wrinkled his brow, brightly replied, "Well, boss, it teaches me that if I keep on drinkin' likker I ain't gonna have no worms." SMART REPLY Teacher What is raised in countries coun-tries that have wet climates? Student Umbrellas. What Counts Having only recently moved into the district, she was determined to impress the neighbors. She arranged ar-ranged for a musical At Home and told her husband to see to the booking book-ing of a musician to entertain the guests. "Have you engaged the pianist yet?" she asked a few days before the great evening. "Yes, my dear," he replied, "a great virtuoso." She looked annoyed. "Never mind about his morals. Can he play?" One Safe Place First Husband My wife finds my money wherever I hide it. I Second Husband My wife never nev-er finds mine. I put It in the basket bas-ket with my undarned socks. Wrong Remedy Two farmers met on a country road and pulled up their teams. "Si," said Josh, "I've got a mule with distemper. What did you give '.hat one of yours when he had it?" "Turpentine. Giddap!" A week later they met again. "Say, Si, I gave my mule turpentine turpen-tine and it killed him." "Killed mine, too. Giddapl" The Time Never Comes The Son Say, Pop, how soon will I be old enough to do just as I please? The Dgd I don't know, son; no-Dody no-Dody has ever lived that long yet. Making Progress "How is your wife coming with aer driving lessons?" "Pretty good. It's getting so she and the road turn almost at the j same time." |
