Show THOSE STARVING LOWLANDERS Several eastern papers are having a contest as to which state can feed its people be best t. t The Houston Post says U A A pair of Texas possums duly dul dressed and baked garnished with and accompanied b by Texas celery tomatoes crackling bread brend and cold pumpkin pie Mr J Bryans Bryan's 5 Commoner insists that its dinner will win consist of alfalfa fattened turkey stuffed with the crumbs of hr broad ud made made- from Nebraska wheat sweet raised in ill the once despised sand hills seedless s I tomatoes that will still be a blushing red on the vines ines despite the November season and each weighing weighing weigh weigh- ing more moren n a pound pone ma made e from the finest corn that ever rustled its blades in the wind wina or nodded its tass tassels ls towards the horizon wheat bread made from the wheat hard it so cuts the rollers like emery powder sass made from apples as different from the Ben Davis variety as Democratic principles g are from the G. G 0 O. P P. hot air tomato ketchup so fine that every taste g gives es you ou an appetite for another square meal macaroni and cheese the ingredients of which were secured first hand from Nebraska farms and dairies n covered ered with a sweet swept sauce made from sugar extracted from flom Nebraska beets and pie made from pumpkins as yellow ellow as a new minted gold eagle and sweeter fn a dream of your sweetheart rt The chief drink will be water so clear i that a full fuJI glass looks empty and so cold that it will make frost on the tho outer edge water edge water that's been filtered and purified b by thousands of feet of percolation through rock and and sand and amI brought to the surface by gravity And when the dinner is over oyer the Nebraskans will wander forth under the clear blue sk sky and look abroad over 01 a n land teeming with industry and dotted by b- full granaries bright schoolhouses comfortable churches COS cosy homes and fat flocks and herds We Ye have hac copied the above abo just JURi to show that the people of the cast east are satisfied with very few starvation starvation starvation star star- rations ration For instance what hat is Texas Teas celery compared compared with Utah celery There is if as much difference difference difference dif dif- ference as there is i between a plug ping pIn of old black blackjack blackjack blackjack jack and arid the fine finest t. t Havana oi cigar n. n And then no Texan woman can any more make a R real pumpkin pic pie than can a northern woman make a sweet potato cobbler And Nebraska Who over ever thought of or eating rating an alfalfa fed turkey 7 Utah turkeys run in alfalfa patches when little to keep the flies off themselves but when it comes comeR to fattening them it takes wheat grown in soil so mineralized that the meat is hard hurd and as white while as silver Then our turkeys are arc stuffed with ith oysters that grow in Great Salt Lako Lake and the meal is flavored with salt saIt that is if picked up crystal white on the shores of tho the great inland sea and the table is garnished with willi peaches and grapes and flowers flowers flowers flow flow- ers that remain good hood in Utah until Thanksgiving and any ny one peach would weigh down a basket of Nebraska peaches and pomegranates more splendid than any that grow under California skies We Ve do donot donot donot not brag 0 about our corn because corn has the same vice ce that tobacco has It must have the suffocating nights o a climate like that of Nebraska to thrive in Our nights are always cool And then our sugar beets carry carry 4 1 per cent more saccharine than any found in Nebraska When it comes to drink we have pure Dixie wine made from our own grapes which at the last exhibit took the premium over oyer all the grapes of California Arizona and other semitropical semi- semi semitropical semitropical tropical states and the tho wine the pure juice of the g grape when a man drinks three or four bottles of or f it t tand and then goes out ont he does docs not stop to look at the schoolhouses he looks at the ams s who arc are lovelier than any an ever eyer seen in Nebraska or Texas He looks at the mountains that are ribbed with silver and gold all aU around him and on which the morning and evening sun makes pictures as fair as the new Jerusalem which John saw coming down from en And the air he lie breathes has none of that bacteria bacteria bacteria bac bac- teria which makes Nebraska people cough and hunt new climates for their lungs Rather Eather it strikes the lungs like a glass of old Tokay All the above is absolutely ti tl except that little story about the oysters in Salt Lake which may be he as Mark Twain said about the report of his death slightly exaggerated exaggerated and the reason is because of the intensity of the lake it is a little too salty even eyen for salt saU water oysters From our heights we look down on the denizens of the low countries like Nebraska and Texas and the only damper that falls upon us as w we e sit down to n a Thanksgiving feast is the pity we feel fecI for those races that dwell in the low countries where malaria r reigns igns and mens men's natures are so perverted perverted perverted per per- that the they actually do not know how much they suffer in those regions |