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Show W7 WNbaOT ELMER ON MORALE AND BALONEY "I am for morale building," declared de-clared Elmer Twitchell, well-known philosopher, horseshoe pitcher and stamp collector, today. "Morale is important in any struggle. Three cheers for all we can get, But noth-j noth-j ing is breaking my morale down Just now like some of the baloney being spread by alleged morale builders." Mr. Twitchell was more disturbed dis-turbed than usual. "The quicker quick-er we get the phony element out of this morale stuff the better," be resumed, pounding a table. "At the moment it is the race track people who are pretty close to tops in overdoing this angle. I like racing. I hope the war won't stop it. But it gripes me to listen to a continuous stream of bunk about horse "tracks being of primary importance to the war effort You would think from some of this stuff that the war and the mutuel windows win-dows were linked in the all-out defense de-fense effort "I listened to a broadcast after a big race in Florida the other afternoon, after-noon, and, immediately after giving the payoff prices, the broadcaster went into a spiel on the importance of the eight-race program to ultimate ulti-mate victory. It lacked only 'Hearts and Flowers' by a string orchestra. orches-tra. "It was the crowning peak to a lot of similar flapdoodle that has been coming from the racing interests inter-ests for months, and it is doing the morale-building business no good. "Give me a day at the races when I have been working hard and am feeling blue. I yield to no man in my love of the thoroughbred. I find a peculiar attraction in the mutuel window. I love the soft whispers about the good things coming up. I can even stand all those photo finishes. fin-ishes. But don't give me that stuff about the ponies being of such vital importance that the American people peo-ple will never be able to bear up through the war without them! There's a limit!" It is now predicted that it may be necessary to ration men's socks. The center of minimum . worry about this Is In the Ozarks. a SONG FOR TAXPAYERS (Irving Berlin has written a tong to cheer up income taxpayers. It is called "l Paid My Income Tax Today." News item.) Hooray, hooray, hooray, hoorayl I paid my income tax today; In acts like this I love to glory . . . At least, my friend, that is my story! A tax is quite a joy to me I paid it very cheerfully; It made me anything but blue I love to come across, sez you! When I'm feeling rather sad, There's always something makes me glad: I love to sing, tra la tra loo The minute that my tax is due. When I am feeling extra low And down my spirits seem to go I find relief, oh, many thanks. In filling out some income blanks. Should dark depression o'er me spread Such feelings I know how to shed: I ask an income tax to pay And Morgenthau, he says "Okay." Old Irv Berlin is happy, too To pay each levy high and new, And I'd be twice as gay, I know If I had all that fellow's dough. A vaudeville unit is on its way to Iceland. It will, of course open cold. "Need Parachutes for Food." Headline in the N. Y. Times. We'll Just take a plain dirigible dirigi-ble salad with no fixings. The king and queen of Eng. land have moved from Buckingham Bucking-ham palace and taken a flat. What a kick it must be for a queen to be close enough to her own kitchen to smell toast burning! burn-ing! "Remember back when a man wasn't ashamed to allow his chil-dren chil-dren to look at the covers of magazines maga-zines displayed on new stands?" asks Merrill Chilcote. Electricity In private homes may soon be rationed. It Is going go-ing to be tough to have to turn off the radio when you're not listening. We went into a restaurant one night and found the sugar bowl missing. We complained to the head waiter, who explained alL "All the dames help themselves and All their handbags with it," he said "We had to cut out the bowls. How many lumps shall I bring you?" |