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Show XfhiPhillipr V AUTO RATIONING Q.Why did you want a new car? a! It'i the only way I can get Ave new tirei. Q. Are you aware of the restrictions? restric-tions? A. No, but I knew something was all wrong. I called up several auto salesrooms yesterday and in no case did a salesman show up at my home inside of Ave minutes. Q. You already have a car? A. Yes. Q. What's wrong with it? A. Nothing. Q. Then why do you wish a new model? A. My wife thinks our next-door neighbor's car looks better. Q. The kind of car your neighbors neigh-bors have is of no importance. A. That's what YOU think! Q. Only certain classes of people are eligible for new cars. Are you a doctor? A. No, but my feet are Just as tender. Q. Are you a farm veterinarian? A. Is this a car rationing bureau or an Information Please program? Q. Are you engaged in fire fighting? fight-ing? A. No; that's just an impression some people get from the way I drive. Q. Are you engaged in crime prevention? pre-vention? A No, but if you'll let me have a new auto I'll give any cop a lift from now on. Q. Are you engaged in law enforcement? en-forcement? A Yes. I'm a lawyer. Q. I said "enforcement," not "evasion." A. I didn't come here to be insulted. in-sulted. Q. That's all right; we don't mind doing it Listen, do you regard re-gard a new car as a necessity? A. Positively. Q. Give three reasons. A. Well, first of all, I live four blocks from my office, and without a car I would have to negotiate the entire distance on foot Second, we use the car to go to church. Q. How far is the church? A It's almost an eighth of a mile I Q. What's your third reason for regarding a car as indispensable? A My third reason is the most important of alL Q. What is it? A. If I didn't have an automobile where would I store all those outdated out-dated road maps and useless tools? RIMES ON PUBLIC DUTY Folks who buy Defense stamps gladly Speed the day Our foes run madly. Those who buy Bonds make more certain Hitler'll get An early curtain. Ed Pearson, who has evidently been flat hunting, says he can't understand un-derstand why the ads don't group apartments under three headings: Urnished, unfurnished and under-burnished. under-burnished. The United States department of agriculture is working on a motor fuel made from corn and potatoes. Juliet Colt says it is going to seem funny to ask the station attendant for six bushels of high test 0 CANDIDATES FOR THE FIRING SQUAD A guy on whom I'd pour hot gravy Is always asking, "Where'! our navy?" CAN YOU REMEMBER Away back when a pest-office clerk sold nothing but postage stamps at the stamp window? fma Dodo bought one of those U. S. auto tax stamps today and sh( says she is going to buy one every day and save them until maturity. Canned beer may be discontinued due to the need for tin. It is okay with us. We never did like reaching reach-ing into the icebox for a glass of beer and coming out with a can of tomatoes. Moe Berg, Boston Red Sox ball player, has retired from the diamond dia-mond to become a government good will ambassador to Pan America. This is most encouraging-. We have long had a distinct impression that our team In that area was weak both in the field and at the bat Mr. Berg speaks nine languages. But the umpires were always able to defeat him in one. We favor more baseball players in our diplomatic forces. You can't name one in twenty in our entire diplomatic service who has color, speed, punch or even a good throwing throw-ing arm. We will never think an envoy is really good until we see some kids surround him and ask for an autograph. Why ban those radio qnis program? pro-gram? If the enemy gets as much wrong information from them at the American people do everything will be Just dutky |