Show r Walter Winchell h ll BROADWAY GOSSIP THE TIlE PRIVATE PAPERS PAPERS' OF A REPORTER Things I Never Hear Newspapermen Newspaper Newspaper- men Say Scoop They never say il they it-they they always say This is exclusive They never say front page page it it Is invariably Page one They never call it a headline It headline it Is usually head hend A line across the page Is either a streamer or a banner Re Rc- Rc porters or Ule legs leg j men and news photographers never ask sk th the ph phone nc operator at the office e to gl give them the editor editor it it is always alwa's the he desk They hey seldom call ita it ita ita a story story It it usually is copy When its it's in the paper it Is a n. story They n never ver say How long before we go to press they they they say copy closing or Howlong How Howlong Howong long ong to deadline 7 Only outsiders outsiders out out- siders refer to him as s the city we br-we or we slaves call can him the desk I among other t things tee tec tee bee lice And gal reporters s arc never sob sisters At any rate this paragraph paragraph para pam graph was was' inspired by the numer- numer numerous ous us novelists novelists scenarists and other amazingly 1 Imaginative authors of oC things which allegedly depict real reporters A study of the people who vho have be been n tossed out of or the so not-so- social register register gives gives on ono one the thought that t the e surest way of oC gelling getting get gel getting ting ling dropped is to go out and make good at something Too many newspapers it seems to this cynic are suckers for the editors of that blue book Annually the books book's promotion department makes a list of big names to be snubbed thus snubbed thus catching the eye and ear car of the city desks It Is the free ad that they entice which announces announces announces an an- for tor them their newest edi tion The Thc best of the thc fly talk by the way i in Anything J Goes concerns on th the uppity peasants of oC the city You wouldn't like the gully says saysa a sailor to a snob it smells terrible terrible terrible ter ter- ter- ter But says the lorgnette lifter as she gives him a look through her tier were in the social specs register register reg reg- ister later Then you ou ought to love lo it it Is h the retort delicious The other two In the same hit that most of us enjoyed were these He has an income income income-he's he's hes sort of an income poop Then there Is this thumbnail description de de- de- de which we wouldn't bet Is In our files iles unless the wager is a cookie Describing the adenoid adenoid ade ade- noid nold lingo Jingo of a William Gaxton says He H has a monocle in his bi throat Jack Dempsey Dempsey burst burst Into a press hangout in Madison Square Garden Garden Garden Gar Gar- den feeling chipper He had just insured his cafe for Somebody Somebody Somebody Some Some- body suggested that the time one-time heavy champion of the world had hac once owned much more valuable property including the champion champion- ship Sure ure acknowledged Jack but if it anybody had insured the title for a quarter of a million Id I'd have slept with a n. gun In each hand The UThe censors Jeanette Jeanett McDonald McDon McDon- ald aid tells tell the Times really cant can't do much ab about t Chevalier After all aU theres there's no rule against a man having haying hav hay ing ng a naughty twinkle in his eyes o or seeming to have naughty thoughts Is there Z ZNo No Indeed Jennie Say Sa what you will about George Georg Washington that naughty twinkle Is the father lather of this country In these times when the witty rem remarks remarks- of any celebrity are arc re relayed re- re by the teletypes radio and andI speech to the world no sapient I cracks come out of oC Washington th he the nations nation's capital Arc Are there ther- no wits in Washington Dont Don't our bur statesmen ever venture a flip fl Ip crack or murderous pun or otherwise reach for or a a. a chuckle It w wasn't nt al always always always al- al ways like that Un Cannon when he was speaker for the house used to tobe be depended on oi to lift the hat off olt a n. colleague frequently with a blistering blistering blistering blister blister- ing gag The late lale N Nick k Longworth was good for a row roWdy y sally now now nov and then and and long ago Tom Reed vas was vas a n c card td Who's Vho's cracking wise on Capitol hill right now This column accuses ac- ac ac accuses accuses ac- ac the Washington correspondents correspond correspond- of oC being lazy In n the hunt for fora a local Dorothy Parker r. r There must be some quipping going on down t there there there-there ere ther there e must b be something some some- something thing comical In Washington 1 P. P S. S me mer me me meI I r just re remembered Nothing can be comical comic l with there there with the congre congressmen con con- gre gressmen and senators out out of town n. Ticker Tapestry Police are arc body body- guarding s Joe Penner the he bOdY I duck duckman duckman man man who was held in a local cellar until he promoted Mil Mil- Millicent Hanley Jaeckel has no in intention In- In tendon and had none of relinquishing relinquish relinquish- ing custody custod of oC her c child In ret return rn for lor a l stif stiffer t alimony The N N. Y courts however will decide that Its It's a a anew new girl doll at the Judge at St. St Vincents Vincent's What drama critic straddled a Greenwich village hydrant and pondered loudly to himself the strange g mutability of the soul James Mahoney probably will be Governor GO Lehmans Lehman's new secretary with v th Charles S S. Hand spurning it The Grant Withers Vithers Alys Als Walsh just lost Jost their first baby S The Xmas slogan this year should be Give Till It Hurts- Hurts Hur Hurts Hunts Old Man M n Depression Australia Is mad at Beverl Beverly Nichols They think he has tarnished tarnished tarnished tar tar- the name of their national heroine Nella Melba Nichols once secretary to the wrote a a play a few years yeas ago ngo called Evensong It revealed the rise and decline of a glam glamorous rous canary Her decline is not pretty and when the kodak version of oC the play pIny reached Australia Aus recently the natives cried Shame It is is' true that Nichols called his heroine Irela a gal who contracted con contracted contracted con con- Ireland into a name for herself but Melba her compatriots compatriots compatriots compa compa- recalled got her name from abbreviating Melbourne Australia 1 her her home burg And so they want to fight |