Show Walter Winchell T BROADWAY GOSSIP The Private Papers of a Reporter If It I Were the Aladdin of Broadway Broad Brood way Restaurants that served ser c cold ld toast would be bombed Vincent Vin Via cent Youmans would write another lyric such as More Than You Know Dorothy Parker would have to give a command poetry r reading read read- adin ad- ad in lag ing every cry time I thought of it Chefs who mear smear butter on hamburger hambur ger sandwiches OU would d be garroted Percy Hammond would never be allowed vacations from dramatic criticism Ale Alex woud would cover cover all aU the thc murders for the thc news news- papers Reckless motor car cat driver er ers would be forced to wear an em- em of tar and feathers Lily LilyPons LilyPons LilyPons Pons would sing only to me Billy Rose would operate all aU the thc cafes People would have to tip their hats to Dan Healy be because became alue of ot the many benefits he has ha played for Cor the poor 7 Ele Eleanor Powell would dance to Crazy Rhythm Autograph J seekers kers would have to say please and thank you az as ai would the celebrities who arc are Il fluttered d by them Jim Tully would write All aU the Broadway Broad Broad- way af columns The Capitol of at Broadway would would would-be be beLos Los 1405 Angeles where humidity Isn't even in the dictionaries Garbo would do Anna Christie on the I stage Men who carry the torch would never never never encounter their old girls Men who kiss and tell would have to see the best plays from tram the galleries behind a pest eat post eat radishes without salt salt and and spend the rest of their lives sending ending mash notes to Polly PoUy Moran Morlin Everybody would fall fast asleep as noon loon as their heads hit their pillows There would be a shrine for tor the late Billy LaHiff where all he hc helped could pray pray Waiters Walters who get In your way when Sheila Shella Barrett is doing do do- ing lug her elegy of 01 a 1 lady in a a speakeasy speakeasy speakeasy speak speak- easy would have Immediate appoint appoint- menu meats with a firing tiring squad Records would be made of windy drunks drunks and and played back backS to them a million times when they were sober Add thumbnail descriptions Johnny John Johnny n. n ny A muscular mack mack- erel ore Grade Barrie Borrie An oriole over Ireland Aline MacMahon A Asad sad kangaroo Johnny Broderick BroderIck Broderick Broder- Broder ick Dempsey with a badge Gracie Grade Allen A demented Lew Brown An overfed rain rain- bow Helen Broderick A railway railway rail rail- way terminal waitress 0 O. O O. O McIntyre The man who holds hold the mortgage on the old h homestead ZaSu Pitts PlUs The beginning of a nerous nervous nerv nerv- ous cus breakdown Polly Moran The district leaders leader's wife wile My Girl Friday A typewriter and a sand sand- George Raft A marked card Jean Harlow Wrinkled led cellophane John Boles Theman The Thc Theman man a girl hopes to meet on a 1 blind date Slim Summerville The guy she meets Guy Kibbee The answer to an auctioneer shills shill's prayer Mary Bol Behind Boland the woman woman wo wo- man roan driving the car ahead Ge George rge M. M Cohan Cohen Santa Claus with witha a II clean clem shave Milton Berle A burlesk comics comic's Idea of ot class The Trenton Evening Times Help Wanted Wanted Male Male department offered this among other advents advert ad ad- vents vert Wanted A Wanted A second Walter Walter Walter Wal ter Winchell for credit Box 0 veddy veddy eddy mitch The broadcasters and of at supposed information have been pronouncing the last two syllables of ot quintuplets as Mr Newman the Newman the man is ap ap- ap- ap palled polled It isn't lint lets up-lets at all he shrieks It Is you Master Elinson and other wags wac however however however how how- ever think the thc Dione quintet should be but this it is no time for levity Leave It to th the cine cinemas cine cine- mas mus however to give the British something so they may titter Utter at us The sp speech ech Write a D. letter to her and I is s hardly kosher but one of ot the recent films used med it t. t Such trivia as those press releases concerning mem members rs of ot the nobility being reduced to commoners common common- ers ens in New York York usually usually find repose repose re ye- pose In our our wicker But the thc I stor story of ot Baron Rosenkranz is on the thc and up-and-up and up-and-up-and and not on the thc and Mr Mr N Newman t The baron baronis is b now a gigolo at the thc Casino de dc Paree Paree Pa- Pa ree at 20 per pcr week I The management there there- demanded demanded de de- de- de proof that he w. w was a a- ano no no- I bleman 1 A The local Danish consul supplied the credentials which revealed that his family dated back centuries and were out cut of ot the top Eugene ONeill O'Neill it ap appears ear has more fun At his shack in the south by the sea hb hI has one ne of those nickel- nickel slot thc pianos which he purchased from a II New Orleans resort Alongside the thc piano guests at the may dip their hands into a huge bowl of nickels Central Park irk Vignette A A. trio of 01 old 5 Japanese lads playing war Each carried carried car car- ried ned an American flag which he protected pro protected from the thc enemy In yn the SalutA show how Fritz and Jean Hubert appear as Intoxicated In In- intoxicated males in dress clothes and the punishment they inflict o on each other Is of ot the Dempsey Dempley Firpo brand Not until th they y exit is It revealed that Jean is Js a girl She is Fritz sister They had a spat pat it appears appears ap ap- appears ap- ap pears and weren't speaking when the show opened Th The ThC ovation they drew reconciled them Vaude Vaudeville ville yule may b be dead but Ray flay Howling who has a trained seal h has s A fortune made from the same se seal t The most literate and ou outstanding moments along the White Light Way WilY Luella Gears Gear's hilarious interpretation of ot I. I Gershwin's intelligent to Im a Paramount Roxy Rose at the Winter Garden The Tho immensely amusing travesty on night club chorus girls in Saluta a mediocre The Thc patter in Cha Chained ned featuring Crawford and Gable at the Capitol Although the critics didn't think it was as good as as The Fountain with Ann An Harding at lit Radio City it is better The sul sul- len lea grandeur of ot Margo Mango the Spanish dancing actress in Hecht and MacArthurs MacArthur's MacArthurs MacArthur's MacArthur's MacArthurs Mac- Mac Arthurs Arthur's Crime Without Passion at the Rialto The most maSt entertainIng entertain entertain- ing of ot the educational shorts horts in the thc newsreel temples Bosom temples Bosom Friends which reveals enemies animal-enemies play play- ing tag with each other Most 1 spellbinding the episode of the mouse moule actually under and andover over a pussy pussycat pussycat pussycat cat whose whole indifference Is eon con The finale of at Cavalcade Cavalcade Cay alcade at the Broadway Music Hall when when the sad players play CT ers wander upstage back to I oblivion in Clark Robinsons Robinson's pa pier pier-mache night I I Those stories storIe in the gazettes about Jimmy y Walkers Walker's er happiness in his exile were exaggerated d as most of ofus ofus ofus us suspected all along No normal normal normal nor nor- mal human being after alter going through ugh the ordeal that Walker went vent through could be happy again especially es es- es thousands of miles mUes from his cradle And so I am bothered no little when those returning voy voy- gers agers seek our ship news new men and pour out faked impressions ns of Jimmy Walker to get iet for tor themselves what they call publicity Jimmy Walker Is most miserably unhappy His eyes Ces tell Il his dejection Jimmy who not long loog ago had almost every everything thin a man could want now is broke and broken |