Show tf The Funniest Ment Men Menon t on Earth k I 1 I I I I I THE KINGS KING'S ENGLISH If tf you move In the best circles Mr Weber it las iss that you use the best English What may I ask seeming what inquisition what do you jou ou know about the Kings King's English I I dont don't move In circles I walk straight home and I never talked English to the King In my whole life It It Iss not compulsory you should talk English to the King What I mean iss isa you should use the most best English h. h O 0 I see I assurance you I speak at all times from the heart out and that Iss the best in any language True as I live but If it you use choice English you will be received in the best of places and you jou will be much sought after I 1 know a fellow who was much searched after because he stole a a. watch S Sought after by wh who might I ask sk it if By the Even to a policeman emana you ou should use good d English nII Veil Vell I wouldn't use b bad bd d words to toa toa toa a policeman If It I did he would loc lock me up You are besides the subjects I desire to Interrogation you regarding grammatical constructions constructions- How does that differ from concrete construction construction- Your head maybe is iss isa concrete construction so dumb you are but do you jou ou I ask asIc know the proper construction construction tion of a clause A what A clause Dont Don't you know what a a. clause Iss isa iss' iss Sure ure I know what claws iss isa Veil what iss isa a clause Claws Caws Iss isa something you scratch with O 0 no no I didn't mean cats cat's claws necessity But to make malte the subjects more simple I will ask aSI do you ou know what a sentence iss iss' iss O SO 0 dot Iss so easy A sentence is Iss isa what the Judge says six months You know so little that It could b be put on a pinhead Who Iss isa a pinhead Dont be offended I didn't mean YOU you Iss isa a pinhead I simply wanted you to understand Rood good English If as you belief you are are- acquaintance with good English let me ask aSI you to give me an example of good English Anything to accommodation Here Iss an example How much Iss two and two My but you are Impossibility Not I that kind of an examples Give an examples of speaking English O O 0 veil the other day In a a. barber barbershops barbershops barbershops shops the barber said You dont don't I wan want your hair cut short are you Chass Und mid I said Which one That las Iss English didn't It If No It didn't it listen to me Bowing to a a. lady I said After you my dear lady That isa Iss polite English En En- gush glish After Arter you my dear lady ladr Us las polite polite po po- po- po lite Chass V VIf If It I s1 should say say I was after any dear de-ar ladies maybe their husbands would punch punch me Toe in the nose Your brains are still like chloro chloro- form Your Tour head Iss asleep What have you on your mind To satisfy you look I feel of ot m my head See I r have nothing on my mind but a a abald bald spot I didn't refer to your hairs hair I I. I too foo have a Hold spot We Ve are cals cala We will supposition to make my meaning clear that you are addressing ad addressing ad- ad depreciative audience audience audi audi- dressing a large and ence The vast ast auditorium iss ls packed I. I with th peoples The They are listening to your every w word ord They are In rapt rapt rapt- In rapped who Why dont don't he come i In n without knocking Didn't t he buy buya I a ticket You lou you dont don't let me finish You a are I making a a speech and ever every error w wc will willbe willbe aI I be c noted by the intelligence people assembled You have just beg begun n your jour speech You have hav said Ladies Ladles an and gentle gentlemen and then what wha do you jou sa sat sai Ah ha now I have you jou ou Jou Now ow what wha t do you said Yell Veil what should I said Ah that that Iss just it It You should said Thank you one and all all all- allor For or what What do for what you jou OU mean For what am I thanking them for buying the tickets tickets' Maybe it iss a free lecture Maybe l they not did not buy tickets If It it 15 Iss a free fre lectures I refuse to tomake make ma-Ite any speech My time I Iss s bles I Dont jou ou belief In free speech Chass but not when I 1 am making 1 the lectures But think of ot the great crowd waitIng wait wait- ing for the g golden wisdom to fall from your our lips lips lips- Why should the great crowd wait walt for the g gold d filling to fall from my wisdom teeth Are you crazy But they are listening for you to make a speech I I I have decided not to make the speech I dont don't care who iss el elected ed I am not making making- a run for offices But you couldn't couldn t think of disappointing disappointing pointing such a large crowd I lOr didn't disappoint the crowd Who hired the hall anyway You arranged for the meeting It iss not my affair You should go ahead and make the tho speech yourself Wa Va y wl will wiil sing English English En glish as She Is Broken Copyright right 1924 Readers' Readers Syndicate Inc consciously towards the t two o young yoting men who had risen to their feet Then n she passed on followed by the tant older woman to to th the most dIstant dis dIs- corner of ot the room It aph appeared ap ap- ap- ap h that 1 s she wished s to look k at hats ats and n the whole h l established fIs at a appeared ap ap- ap once to be Infected with wit an eager desire to serve her Hats were produced pass passed d from hand on to every hand side and with a air of deep anxiety Mademoiselle however It itS transpired was easy to please She not sat watching the various confections which were produced for her her- inspection an air all with th of ot tolerant ald aId indifference GeraId Gerald Ger Ger- moved to the side of the bookkeeper book book- keeper who alone remained p place ace behind tho the little desk at her Tell me he whispered who Is that young lady lord She under appears on our books mi ml- the name of ot Mademoiselle selle ache de was the discreet reply But Hut what Is her real name Gerald persisted I Who her friends friends' are Is Jt I her possible to mak acquaintance I The Tho woman looked at him with a slight smile She had a tired and a a. ratHer faded face and her hair was lined with gray One hears only rumors as t to td who may be she answered For the rest milord should apply to madame herself Gerald waited for madame's re reappearance re- re fl appearance a with n a new tience Presently es Myrtile rd dame came ami out t formation to them once more The transformation trans trans- was till amazIng ama but the blue serge costume wa was absolutely absolutely plain except for its thick edging of braid and the litti with toque e. e Its dark free from blue qui quill ornamentation Yet it seemed almost Incredible that this graceful who came towards them self sell a little shyly but perfect perfect per per- be tl peasant possession should indeed child who had under been their care for than rather less lesa twenty four hours Madame Mademoiselle is is' is istra tra transformed s ormed declared She ha has has' natural elegance el j In the simplest clothes would I could give her she still sun create an impression have I j done my roy best milord and monsieur mon mon- and I trust that you ou are arc sat eat Madame Entirely Gerald assented But with Lenore I want a word vor you ou ou If It milord would excuse me for fox one moment madame a glance glanco begged with L towards the farther en end of the shop One of my say most val val- wed clients has arrived Gerald drew her on one side tile Myr Myr- glanc glanced a little anxiously into Christopher's face tace a Monsieur Gerald does not seem seen satisfied she complained He fl ha has 3 no longer any pleasure In looking at me He does not like me in Ir x these Nonsense Christopher replica Believe me they are far more suitable suit sult- able than the tho others Myrtile was still not altogether r satisfied They are very wonderful ah she 3 acknowledged looking at herself horse f I tin In th the e glass And I am very very very I r grateful Hut But when I came beI before before be be- be- be I fore his whole face seemed alight with pleasure and this time he heI scarcely took took- any notice of me at atall I all 5 There is something else on his hix mind assured her Iam I Iam 1 am certain that he is satisfied Gerald Gerad found Madame Lenore Lenor 4 quite obdurate It It is impossible milord she de declared de- de dared cared firmly With many of m my clients yes There would be no nc noE I I cause E- E e for r h hesitation it I But t to pr pre pre- I 1 I I I sent you 10 VOUl l oe impossible She would not respond I She would never pardon the lib Jib erty 3 Then will you jou tell teU me who her friends ae e a. he persisted Let Lel me know at least where I should i ibe be to likely to meet her Madame's Madame s manner had lost much L of Its Its- amiability She seemed genuinely genuinely gen gen- genuinely worried Milford she said none of ot these things are possible But Bu t who Is she then Madame Lenore Lonore turned away No one one knows she ghe ed I un under her her breath It is not for fox forus forus us to know Milford will excuse x me Gerald rejoined his companions companIon 3 with a cloud upon his handsome face watched him timidly You do not approve of ot these thes x clot clothes she sho ventured I approve of ot them so much Geraid Gerald Gerald Ger Ger- ald aid announced pulling himself together together together to to- to- to gether with an effort that that i am art t going to take you ou to Ciros Ciro's to te lunch Come along Christopher Madame Lenore Is la a disobliging old oli 1 cat cat CHAPTER M. M The two women sat on the te terace terace te race of their covered wistaria-covered villa Madame de hunched bunched up in ix her chair smoking a through a long tube Pauline he her r reputed niece her coffee cortee and cig- cig cig- cig aret alike neglected gazing fixedly fixed fixed- ly iy seawards Their Immediate en en- en vi suggested at once a a. taste tast S for luxury and the means to gratify it ft The linen and silver on the littIe littie lit lit- lit lit- tIe tle table at which they had Just jut lunched was of the finest possible a quality the the torme forme lace bordered and adorned vv with Ith a coronet J A bowl of pink roses occupied the center cen cen- ter of the table The coffee corfee had bac been served in little cups of the th a finest china In the background background back ground a single servant was stand stand- ing n dressed re in plain al black l Il livery a man 11 gray hal l I. I and n with hh lined linex i tri i face but tall taU and of powerful build He lie possessed to the te full the Immo immo- of feature of the trained En English glish servant but there was something some some- thing entirely fo foreign In his sphinx sphinx- like attitude and expression H He a had the air of of- one who neither r saw say nor heard save sae at his mistress mistress' or or- ders dora doraI dersI dersI I am am weary of everything here her C ex except fl ept the sun Pauline ed 1 deliberately a The woman opposite knocked the th- ash from her Hers Tiers was ai an aged and withered face but he heblack he- he black eyes were still full of ot life lIte an and Ei fire Her long thin hand on which flashed se several eral strangely set rings 4 was suddenly extended towards th the waiting servant Without t. t a a. word won he bowed and disappeared One must wait Madame d de a ed decla-ed For what the irl asked lazily lly The older lder woman s eyes glittered I for a a. m moment ment Fo Fo what will III surely come she h declared The portents portents' are all al there TIle The writing Is Is- no longer longe upon tho the wall wall wall-it It blazes to the th- sky And Mule mean Pauline murmured mur mur- the sun shines m mj- mj heart hear t beats In tune to It abel I feel al all I the time the weariness of the days clays I It is the gence of youth yuth the older woman conceded indu- indu gently I suppose the greatest must feel it some day dav There was a n phi girl In the dress dress- alers aler's shop Pauline went Vent on or The good Mn Madame Madane mr T Lenore enore amused amuse i moby meby of he he- She Is a a peasant It seems picked up on th the a road b bv by two young joung Englishmen an and S brought here for the first time timo b in ri her life only yesterday These Thea young oung men have amused themselves by decking her out In the clothes of another class The gIl Js is beautiful beau i and she che sees fairyland every every- where She is In love with one of the young men of course One could see set that in her face A y ordina-y affair very the older woman observed What of It Nothing except that I 1 Tather rather envy the girl Madame de black eyes glistened dangerously dangerous It would be easy casy to change places with her she said coldly You IOu ale e probably a a beautiful and th the trifle of breeding you possess might be he considered an asset Pauline smiled and her face was at once more attractive than eve There were sere little creases about her soft ott eyes es her mouth lost Its discontented discontented dis dis- contented curve and became at once tremulous and gentle It is an encouraging thought she murmured especially a as the young man whom the girl s to fancy has alre already endeavored to make my acquaintance It Jt is the worst of this place Madame d dl dg decla ed decla-ed ed a n little littIe lit lit- tle tIe viciously The Tho men are re all aU Canaille Continued tomorrow |