Show l I t to p.- d o r. r o I t l p i K f t 1 ir irA i q lie je 11 p A d' d iiI t r Fa t. t 11 H C I 1 a rf JI a. Oll II l LIU II 0 e esus u I 9 YOURE OURE a bit behind your usual time r sir v ventured the Waiter Taking n a hollday hoBday if I may make so bold as to ask So o V I an answered w 4 as us I laid a napkin on my knee and glanced at the menu Im r a millionaire Yes sir t assented the w waiter after iter- mth n a fettering fettering- u et fet wholly nu unenthusiastic enthusiastic chuckle huckle Quite r so Very good i iI sir I eyed him dubiously dubious What V is is' is very ery good I demanded t the ne 5 or Y The joke sir sir sir faltered the waiter alter with s somewhat less ess certa certainty American can humor of course sir ting to Im I'm getting getting get get- recognize it at a lance glance W Would ouM g now sir air yoU mind I in inquired luire-d luire loftily i frowning at him would you mind telling f- f me what v i toi told yoU u think you are trying to say aj s Low you something just know I dont don't donti t why I told you except because you are the rf fc PerSOn 1 le Ive re seen since I got c haw the n news I l and it U was h hard and to keep in in Any Any- I 77 told you u. u And instead of congratulating lating f me me yoU vou giggle in an asinine fashion and talk about American humor r I beg eg pardon sir he sputtered douM dou dou- bUng bling M S forward subserviently and washing his knobby knuckled knobby knuckled han hands s appealingly appealingly in invisible in- in visible soap Beg Bet pardon Im I'm sure I thought nouh of ot co course coarse you rou were spoofing g me memy getting betting at ml me you pulling know g my 1 leg ef Cg lIS as it might be It If all nil those terms are Anglican for tt guying you youre you're mistaken Jarvis Jarvie I told toU 1 J 01 the simple simlE plain unvarnished truth I mc mentioned it to too you rou not only because because because be- be cause cause you were the first firt i person Ive I've met today but because you youve waited on me e ever er since I I joined this club and oh because-oh hang bang it that is all Yes sir he agreed But he still I boyI hovered hovered hov- hov ered Bred near Well We I T snaPPed irritated in spite ot oft of t the wondrous ondrous 11 I new Jew w elation that had bad held me for the last ast half hall What Whit is it What flat are y ou wait waiting lg for tor The T The the he-the the or order er sir air he be ventured I reddened In my excitement I had forgotten to name my breakfast Jarvis Jarvia noted my annoyance Qui Quick to seek atonement atonement atone atone- ment for or his lack of ot subtlety in grasping humor American he went ent on t. t r Id 1 n a fetched your re weekday rolls and coffee coffel sir only I only y fancied maybe mabe TOU you'd d want your special special- Sund Sunday y breakfast seeing ns J you jou ou are so elated and in no o hurry tOd today y Shall I bring it Walt I said lancing glancing a again ain at at the the Pink menu card This is an occasion a Jarvis An occasion with a a- a capital 0 O and I must order a repast worthy of ot it I wonder now I went on whimsically much more to myself than to him I I wonder won won- i der what millionaires generally eat for breakfast st st. Goldfish frappes frappes' and govern govern- meat len t bonds bonds' au grafin in Y You ou se see I I added added once more taking the old privileged club servant into my confidence Ive Ie only been a millionaire about nine forty minutes of 4 and Im I'm new to their ways ays Have w we f any millionaire members Jarvis If so sot t what hat do they cat eat for bre breakfast Well Yell sir he answered humoring r what hat he hl deemed my joke with a a condescend condescend- ing fag civility that maddened me old General t Camby he eats toast and t tea tga a usually usually- buttered toast Judg Judge he he just hasan has haJ an egg with with with- r f Egg Toast Toast Tea Toast TeaI Te t t I 1 snorted loftily Not Kot for mine Not f for r my first meal in at any rate Here IIer 1 e I T R RAN KAN a 1 finger rapidlY rapidly down the card selecting electing a glittering gUttering array of dishes as sumptuous as they were incongruous Jarvis took my order with something of L awe Even Een at such times as I had bad chanced to receive e a rare windfall of cash I had never plunged on any such suh votive otie meal as this I felt an explanation n was due It was not my custom to chat with waiters waiters- even with one so 80 privileged as as Jarvis Jarvis- Jarvis but I felt if I did not talk to some one my happiness might find vent ent in plate plate- throwing i I wasn't guying you rou I said when i I told you rou I was a n millionaire I am Ive I've Ivet t been a 11 millionaire millionaire man man and boy boy boy- ti for nearly an hour Yes sir he murmured trying flying to achieve the perfect b blend bend end between respectful appreciation o of of ofa a n. jest and equally respectful respect respectful ful belief of f facts acts Its Ita like Uke a Ii Sunday school s story sory orr I proceeded proceeded proceeded pro pro- three years rears ago up in the Adirondacks Adirondacks Adi- Adi AdiN N I managed to haul a drown talC ed old gentleman out of Raquette Haquette Lake He lie called me his preserver and and vowed I should one day bless the heroism that made 9 me save rae save the life me of T. T Anthony Clegg of Baltimore lIe He was Million Dollar Million Dollar Clegg Youve You've read of ot him I never heard from him himm again and all the fellows at the office have have been guying me for three years rears about my mv minded absent-minded benefactor This morning mornin morn morning morn morn- in ing as I was starting for th the the- theoffice office this telegram was handed banded me I held out the yellow slip of ot paper al already already already al al- ready much creased and thu thumbed bed by by my frequent peeps at nt its mar l marvelous contents contents J Jarvis to took k it gingerly gingerly gingerly-as as though still fearing some new Twist of ot American humor humor and and read in slow painful unaccented un un- accented effort I 1 Baltimore ore J Office Office Ten-fifty Ten P P. P M. M r. r hite nite rates nits t T To Harry Barry G G. G Clough 1791 West St St. New ew York City x T. T Anthony Clegg Cleg died yesterday esterday Br Dy terms of will you tire fire residuary legatee legate Estate estimated at OO L lations Please wait fur further he news MARCIA MAtiCIA I CLEGG J Jarvis back the ibe telegram reverentlY reverently rever reverently rever rever- as t though ough it had ad suddenly la acquired acquired- d a fabulous money value I l I I 1 I beg to congratulate you most heartily Mr 1111 Clough sir sir i if I racy may may mayso so far venture he smirked Is ill friction as the poet says sir ir f i D v o- o It ItA I A W O J I i 11 J J ll 1 Therell There'll be no tr trouble of course No Ko contest of the will sir air No Xo I returned Ive thought of all nil that Mr Clegg left no immediate family The fact that Marcia Mar ia Clegg evidently a relative from tho the name not name not only notifies me but congratulates me as well proves the relations are not angry or preparing to dispute dispute dispute dis dis- the legacy WHEN I signed my slip check-slip for the meal I tossed the b bewildered and wholly wholly- slavish Jarvis Jar a five dollar five dollar bill bilI by way of tip It was my first meal and my first tip since I became rich If each was lavish luish to the point of ot vulgarity circumstances surely mitigated the offense When I went to bed the previous previous previous pre pre- night I had Lad been Harry Clough head clerk in the shipping house of Knolles Son Canal street on a salary of five fifty-five dollars a week J I was twenty twenty- seven engaged to be married and trying to economize by living in a hall bedroom and by getting frugal frugal fru fru- gal Ial meals at my fraternity club Tha That t was as yesterday This morning I was Henry Clough millionaire I strolled out into the pleasant sunshine It was with an almost guilty sense of luxury that I realized realized real real- I was dawdling in the sunshine sunshine sunshine sun sun- shine f of an uptown n neighborhood at 10 1030 30 A A. M Df on a n. working day j when when for the last hour and a half I should by rights have been crouching over o a rickety desk in the noisy dingy front office of ot Knolles R Son in off far-off Canal street No Ko one but a plow horse of ot a York clerk can quite realize what a genuine thrill such a sensation sensation sensation sen sen- may give gie uy nanas were in my pockets I fell to my change Idly l I pulled out Ut the tha silver siler coins An idea struck me At the Aaron Burr rational National Bank I had what seemed a huge luge sum and it represented the sa savings of years I 1 had been hoarding it up to marry on I co could ld have hue laughed aloud to recall how great an amount that same six hundred and thirty dollars had appe appeared red to me only yesterday Now Kow the tho whole hole sum represented represented represented less than o one e weeks week's interest on my my fortune My 1 resolve resole was VIlS taken Ten minutes later 1 I Y was at t the bank standing last in ina ina f a short line before the paying tellers teller's window window win win- dow a still inky order slip order slip for five hundred hundred hundred hun hun- dred dollars in my hand AS' AS A S I handed in the order and received the little sheat sheaf of Varicolored varicolored bills that today represented so BO little to me a stout man at my elbow observed Are you JOU up here on office business Clough dough There was US cold reproof in the tones I turned to confront Son Son as as we clerks disrespectfully a alluded to the junior partner of Knolles Son whom Son whom we all cordially cordially cordially cor cor- cor- cor detested He lIe tri tried d always to be he a martinet and succeeded in being only a fussy petty tyrant No N 0 Mr Knolles I rejoined calmly and and without a trace of the humble bumble respect he loved to enforce enforce from us I am here hereon on my own business In hi office hours he rasped Precisely I agreed with a pleasant smile I shall all drop in at the office for fora forn a n few fe minutes minutes later in the day but I Iam Iam Iam am going to loaf this morning Had a lisping kindergarten child hurled hurleda a a bomb at him Son could not have shown more genuine I and choleric amaze Dont lose your temper I adjured coolly With a thick neck like yours Jours temper is liable to lead to to apoplexy What What what does this impertinence impertinence- this this this this absence from your duties duties- duties duties- what does it mean I demand to know Are you OU drunk or or- or Im a a milli millionaire na re I ret retorted ted very quietly I I do not c care ro for lor flippancy he rebuked rebuked re re- rebuked when he be could catch his bis breath You will go at once to the the theoffice office Later in the morning I shall shallI shall shall- I uI told you OU Son I cut in that I Iam Iam am ant not going to the office yet ret When I Ido Ido Ido do do go it will be only to clean out my y desk deek and resign In case caso you still think I am drunk perhaps this will change chango your mind I handed ed him lum the t telegram Jeram He Ile read it in silent wonder wonder Then be lIe he held d out his liis thick k fat hand and said with stilt still playfulness ness This is indeed n a leap f from om poverty to affluence Shake hands Mr Knolles I answered d looking down down at Ms leis open pa paw part as ns at so some revue e odd dd specimen of fauna last month when you came J a from your your vacation I tried to towel wel welcome om sou fou you to th the o office o by shaking h king hands with j jou you ou You Ignored my my hand Later w 11 w. w i Irr d C t d. d j 2 1 cI r k 1 i r e 1 r I pf p. p r I M I r iY J t f 0 seer 0 fl a aJ aI t r. r t I J 1 I 1 Y 1 r i It L t r P T iC tf t w. w rv aw r fi fir r F fJ Il 4 IET I. I ET il r r r J h a y e t i I 4 so W t s sI I dashed out of the telephone booth 1 with with a that set the inkwells t to dancing I heard you tell your father I ought to to know my place better than to attempt such a familiarity I wont won't detain yo you II any longer With my new lIew responsibilities I must cht choose ose my acquaintances with more care caro than formerly I left him gasping at me like n a a. a fish out of water and strolled out of the bank I hailed bailed a taxicab taxicab taxicab-a a luxury I had llad al allowed allowed allowed al- al lowed myself but bait twice before in all my life life and and sped uptown I stopped once at a florists florist's and emerged wits with an armful of glorious American Beauty roses again at a confectioners confectioner's and brought out a n wondrous silken hand painted hand painted pound five-pound box of candy Then I sat back in the taxi and tried tried to look like a a plutocrat as we sped Harlem Harlem- ward My cargo and I were soon ushered into the dainty little room drawing of a II West Side apartment and I was facin the wondering delighted eyes of th the one girl Harry Barry she abe exclaimed what are you doing here at this unearthly hour And Andoh Andoh And And- Andoh oh what flowers Thank you ten thousand times But you OU extravagant boy you know we ire cant can't afford such things now nov no v that were we're saving up for for Madge I Interrupted holding her at arms' arms length and tid looking down solemnly into liar her flushed lovely little face how howlong howlong long have lae we be been engaged As if you didn't know Two years next next next- And And why haven't we married marriel sooner Are you rou crazy Because you said you wouldn't marry any girl until you ou ha hall had a salary of at least a week And youre you're only earning earning- Today is Tuesday Can get ready to marry me mc a week weel from today Harry Knolles Son haven't har nt raised you rou to one hundred 1 My I present income said I airily is iJ islet islet let me see see see-at at C G per cent t two fifty weeks week to the well ear orear well a n fraction under one ons thousand two hundred dollars a week It it it isn't nice to make male fun of our beautiful little hopes like UkI that Harry she reproved softly If If Dear I interrupted this is the second sec sec- second ond time in an hour that Ive I've been becis accused of practical joking jolting You at nt least ought to know how I hate the very ery sight of a IL practical joker Didn't I nearly lose lose- my job for tor thrashing thrashing that that idiotic little Murray Shane at the office because he he got me 1111 to the telephone on a fake fale message from you 1 Yes she admitted d you O did And ho he ho swore swore hed he'd get even en with you if it took him hima x a lifetime i r Well hell he'll have to do it some somewhere here else than in the office I laughed for for Im Im I'm leaving Son t toddy Leaving she echoed anxiously Youre youre you're n not t. t di discharged charged Oh what is th the the 1 1 mystery YOU aou ou arent aren't one OIle bit like fur fur- your your- self J Xo No I made al answer I I am nm lik Jik like a mill millionaire on ire Probably because I am one I kande c l 1 her ller herthe the Why go into the ruptures raptures and plans and air castles of the next half hour After all some things are sacred 10 ht 1921 1021 b by y J P r r I. I l Af After er that thal b blissful ss ul time w wt Wf e consecrated the res rest of the morning to plutocratic purSuits pur pur- suits In a taxicab we took a really wonderful wonderful won won- ride through the park and alongside s Drive Madge and I. I We watched with lofty joyous scorn the greedy haste of the little indicator in scoring up new and larger figures What was WIlS an extra dime ime or dollar doUar to us We picked ou out t no fewer than fourteen ideal idea house bous and three grand building sites as we whizzed along mentally furnishing and improvIng I each residence and |