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Show No Economy in It. "I see you're economical," remarked the neighbor. "I thought I was." ruefully answered an-swered the householder. "I was referring to your porch chairs," explained the neighbor. "I saw you painting them yourself the other day, and that was economy, wasn't it?" "I thought it was." "Well, wasn't it?" "Not exactly. I neglected to tell my wife I'd done it and the joo cost me one new gown in addition to the paint." THE HUMOR OF LIFE CHOICEST JESTS AND JINGLES OF THE WEEK. Accepted Suitor to Earn a Name for His Wife Boy Kept His Eye on the Horse, as Instructed The Ineffi-cacy Ineffi-cacy of Words. Kept His Word. "Will you keep an eye on my horse, my son, while I step in and got a drink?" "Yes, sir." Stranger goes in, gets his drink, comes out, and finds his horse missing. miss-ing. "Where is my horse, boy?" "He's ruu'd away, sir." "Didn't I tell you to take care of him, you young scamp?" "No, sir; you told me to keep my eye on him, and I did till he got clean out of sight." The Inefficacy of Words. "The older I get," said Mr. Biggins, reflectively, "the more I am inclined to distrust conversation." "Have you been misled again?" "Yes. I expected that the trusts would be annihilated six weeks ago. I have observed with sorrow that, while there is much talk of putting down the trusts, they never get put down. On the other hand, the trusts never say a word about putting up prices. But the prices go up, just the same." Similar Sounds. "Ethel," said Mrs. Subbubs, sternly, stern-ly, "after that young man had said 'good-night' to you on the porch last evening I heard several sounds like kisses." "Yes?" replied the girl, demurely. "Oh! I know. What you heard was the noise he made pulling his feet out of the mud as he walked down the How He Knew. She That couple in front of us do you think they are married? He Yes. I am sure they are. They have been married a long time, too. She Why, how do you know? He Have you noticed that when a pretty girl comes on the stage she always hands the opera glasses over to him? A Keen Analysis. wmmf "Yes," said the beautiful girl, "I will ivarry you, but first you must mak a name for yourself." "For myself?'.' muses the suitor. "Rather should you say a name foi you." path. Helpful. "Here's 'Housekeeper' bothering me again," said the correspondence editor. edi-tor. "She wants to know how to keep jars of preserves from getting moldy on the top." "That's easy," replied the snake editor. ed-itor. "Tell her to turn them upside down." Pleasant for Diggles. "Mr. Higgles." said the boy with Irs ruffles on his shoulders, "I wish you would let me come and see whero you live; I want to look at your room." "Why. certainly. Hut what maila you think of that?" "My sister said it was better than your company, so I thought it must be something fine." His Warm Greeting. "I saw that handsome Mr. Styles we met at the ball, in his motor car, today." to-day." "Did he speak to you?" "Yes, he shouted to me to look out as I was crossing the street " Sure. A Dangerous Tie. Strawber Old man, I'm going to take the fatal step to-night and propose pro-pose to Miss Quillcutter. Singcrly Are you going to do it in that necktie? Strawber Why, yes. of course. Singcrly Then if she says "Yes." old fellow, you may be sure it U a case of true love. Her Expertncss. "Is your typewriter an expert?" "Well, rather. Why, she has the office in a turmoil more than half the time." "How is that an indication of an expert typewrltlst?" "Oh, I didn't say she was an expert ex-pert typewrit 1st. She's an expert flirt." Time to Quit. "Yes." said the absent-minded man, "I have quit doing my own shaving. It really is dangerous." "Nervous?" asked the barber. "Oh, no. But yesterday 1 tried to lather my face with the razor." Didn't Press the Question. Female lawyer How old aro you? Female witness You know n ivoii "Do you think he earns his salary?" "Sure. He worked four years to land that job." Looks That Way. "Why is it," said the self-conscious young man who is to be married, "that all the world loves a lover?" "Perhaps," answered the coarse and cynical person, "it Is because pity is akin to love." as I do that I'm just a week younger than yon are, hut if necessary Female lawyer (hastily) Never mind; it isn't necessary. Kept It Moving. "Did any one ever read your writings?" writ-ings?" asked the artist. "Certnliily!" responded the haughty poet. "Every editor hi the country has rend them." |