| Show I C5 o TIrnQCJ D hJOC1Js Extremes Meeting Poor Jock ho goes ahead so fast he always says something ridiculous Ve arc going to have tho ceiling of our clubhouse repainted and how do you think ho put the matter before he house committee in Its conference confer-ence How Ho said Gentlemen the decora Ion of the ceiling Is now on tho carpet car-pet Hoped So Rivers Suppose there Is anything In that report about tho Ipdykcs get ting ready to go to Purls In order to keep their daughter from marrying young Hlghmus Brooks writing away for dear life If the city editor takes tho same view of It that I do old chap theresa theres-a four column first page story lu It Very Dry Jones Wo shall havo a dry spell now that the rain Is over BonesI had a dry spell before tho ruin was over the storm kept mo In ho house and I couldnt get out to got a drink He Promised Mamma Now Jimmy you must promise mo not to steal any moro of those preserves Jimmy All right mamma Ill promise honest Injun erase my heart Mamma Why arc you so willing That looks suspicious JllnmyIe et all thoro wns thero Sufficient Reason Hooglcy Yeh Im mighty glad I nlnt got no children Pepproy Its Just as well Hoogloy Sure It Is Popproy Yes for In these days of free education they wouldnt bo able to escape BOIIIO knowledge of grammar gram-mar and theyd ho forever correcting you A Question Boggs That man who shot himself had been drinking FoggsThen It wasnt the pistol that Kilted him but the drink Boggs Would you arrest man who had a bottlo In his pocket for carrying carry-ing concealed weapons UP TO MARIE S if A Ih r m Doctor Is the cough any easier madam Patient think not Marie cough for tho doctor as you heard mo this morning Philadelphia Bulletin An End to Romance The groom had asked his rich bride for a million Not on your blessed lIfo she responded re-sponded blithely as though this did not mean tho sundering of sacred ties but If carfare will do you any good Ill stake you to a nice long ride Thus they parted and the public press issued for the uplifting of the masses made appropriate chronicle Real Stage Tragedy You think you could play Hamlet Go to Sdeathl hissed tho tragedian you sordid managers do but envy me me fame Then forsooth swallowing mo Just rancor and proper pride may I bespeak a minor part Too bad said the manager you havent enough brains for Hamlet and have too much for tho skull Glad of It Dar aln gwlntcr bo no whlppln pus said Mrs Thlsbo Brown No answered Mrs Sophronia Jackson an I mus say Is glad of It DIs Idea of havln em walk into yoh houso an boss yoh own husban aroun looks too much hire government govern-ment ownership to suit me Washington Wash-ington Star Shun the Light Miss KnoxMlss Passay hikes to give the Impression that shes qulto bravo Miss Pepproy How Miss KnoxShe says shes not afraid of the darkIf Miss PeppreyI dont wonder If I had her complexion Id prefer the dark Auto Talk I thought you said Prof Blank Is a linguist Ho speaks seven different tongues Isnt that enough I should say not Doesnt do him I a particle of good I took him to tho auto show last night and ho couldnt understand anything that was said Circumstantial Evidence My neighbor blames mo for everything every-thing that happens to his place ho says my dog does all the mischief I noticed he was very angry nt the disappearance this morning of his rubber mat Yes he even laid that at my door Baltimore American As It May Be Now tell me said Mrs Hiram Often why did you leave your last placeWell Well replied tho now cooklady mo an tho woman couldnt git along My automobile an hors was different makes an wo was always dlscussln about em Different Kind of Strength Sllllmug Thero Is as much strength In an egg as In a pound of meat GotnbugI should say so Ive smelt eggs that had moro strength than a hundred pounds of beef A Little Game I mado my first dollar picking up chips said tho Bclfmado man And who staked you to the stacIe you started In on was tho Interviewers Inter-viewers absentminded question Usual Outcome I feel awful sorry for young Jon Idn8 and Miss Jones You know they have boon going together for nearly three years and now they havo finally final-ly decided they are not good enough for each other What caused It Their parents got together and talked It over For Economic Reasons Throgglns thought you sworo oft smoking Jan 1 Pluukett was going to do It but my wife called my attention to tho fact that she needed 4G7 moro cigars coupons before she could get tho chafing dish she had set her heart on having and Ive got to keep It up awhile longer Little Things That woman Is very strict In her moral Ideas Isnt she Strict I should say so Sho wont let her son havo any other kind of dog than a St Bernard nor her her daughter play anything but an upright piano All He Gets Now Yes we gave our president a vote of increased confidence I thought you always voted him an increased salary That was before the Investigation epidemic 1 i U < Brainy Mary Mary makes good hash doesnt she And sho hasnt any recipe eitherWhat What does she make It out of Out of her own head Utilizing His Curves George left the infantry company Why They told him his legs had tho proper curve for tho cavalry Blocked Mr BoremCould I see Miss FIbbs Maid Falx thats wat she was wondorln as ye camo acrost the street I Mr Borem Ah Then shes not In Maid Yes but shes not at homo Queer Politics Wyld Some queer things In politics poli-tics Uyor For Instance WyldA fellow has to set up the liquids to mako himself solid Judge Given Out at Last General said the shade of Em orson I should like to know tho true story of tho cherry tree episode Well It was this way replied the shim of General Washington Papa said to mo George did you cut down that primus sorutlnn No papa said I I cnn not tell a lie I dill not And there tho Incident closed You see tho tree was not n minus soratlna at nil but a prunus crnsus Already Engaged Perhaps Yes I lovo you George said tho icnullfiil young heiress but Ill havo to apeak to mamma You mean Ill hnvo to speak to her No I will You sec shes homo ward bound from Europe where shes been for tho last three months and sho may have engaged mo to some lobcmnn while she was thereAt there-At the Opera The manager and critic stood gazing down on the wealth and fashion In ho boxes Ah whispered the critic that Is what I call money Yes replied the manager as the buzz of conversation floated up and tow I know what they mean when they say money talks Unsatisfactory It took mo some time to understand under-stand your amendment to that bill said tho admiring friend Do you think you understand it now asked Senator Sorghum anxiously anx-iously Perfectly Then Ill havQ to do It over That amendment wasnt Intended to bo understood un-derstood The Odd Part Yes said the Chicagoan lies got tho queerest way o drlnkln his coffee cof-fee Out ot his saucer I suppose remarked re-marked Penn Of course but I say ho does It In a queer way Ho holds his thumb underneath un-derneath and his four fingers on top of tho rim Midnight Supper GunnerSo tho famous baseball player ate a welsh rarebit before retiring re-tiring and had some wonderful dreams Wore his dreams characteristic character-istic of his profession GIIOII should say so Why ho was pitching and tossing all night After the Investigation Why Is it that some of the bright boys who know everything tho teacher teach-er asks do not turn out to be great business men Perhaps answered Mr Dustin Stax Its because they get into tho habit of answering questions Encouraging Dick Suppose I should steal a kissDolly DollyI defy you DlcleAnd suppose I should steal two or three DollyI would never glvo up I should keep on defying you No Poetry There You know remarked Mr Kulm sey they say dancing Is the poetry of motion Huh snorted Miss Grace Just recovering from a waltz with him but when tho feet get twisted Its mero doggerel A Mortal Blow DorcasTho operation was successful suc-cessful but tho patient couldnt survive sur-vive the shock Mrs Dorcas Gracious How careless to lot a poor man In his condition con-dition find out what tho operation costPucle WISE FATHER e lf h ry I 4 J Want my daughter oh What aro your prospects Well I own a gold mine t Working It No working the public with It Tako her and ho happy Scraps VoIVV d New Movement Senator are you In favor of government J gov-ernment ownership I havo opposed It hitherto air but 1 I bollovo I am In favor now of the government owning and operating the maple groves and sausage factories How It Is Done In High Life i Knlckor What will become of their children u Backer They will be taken from tho servants of the father and brought up by tho servants of the mother |
