Show f I r qood Jokes H II HE EXPLAINED There were 14 nuilo passengers on tlio ntrnnt car and a fat man passed long the running bonrd and said to 1 each ono In succession Dont think 1110 officious ploaso hut Inl taking a titraw voto for the next presidency State your preference prefer-ence please All Ktntcd It but one Ho was a Joiirnoymnn tailor with n bundle of fy cloth on his knees and ho promptly ti + refused lint Its only a straw vote yon know urged the other I know but 1 couldnt do It 51 I dont see what you arc afraid of Poihnps not but 1 dont propose toot to-ot Into any trouble 1 dont see how you can Isnt this a tree country Yes sir but I work for a boss a Woll i Well I should voto for myself and my hoed might hear of it Ulit suppose he did Then Id get the sack In two minutes min-utes My boss means to t ho a candl data himself and ho wouldnt atand my being In opposition Very sorry but Ill let the straw voting alone and Lane to my jObN O Picayune y Yea but sputtered the dumbfounded dumb-founded clerk And then again wont on the solemn p sol-emn man unruffled thoro Is another rule demanding that I leave certain i s dogs or n dog with the porter Hav g log np dogs to leave and not knowing where they can bo had I felt I couldnt qualify nil a guest and so r liut the clerk hart fainted In his tracks c Filling his pockets with stationery toothpicks matches and railroad folders fold-ers tho ox great walked out tho door and soon was lost to sight up Market street Judge F AN EXPENSIVE OUTLOOK I t k J i lj f t Daughter want all the money you can spare this summer father FaU1 rDoar mo my daughter are yqu going to tour Europe l Daughter No father I am going to graduate and got married m Processing Some Tlio possibilities Increase That this old world will move arlclit Weve talked of universal poace And no ono tried to start a tight Washington Star 1 Sudden Change of Subject Mr Smallpurso who baa carefully i figured up the cost of two theater I tickets and tho street car taroDo you enjoy tho drama Miss Oohall i Miss Gohall Oh very much but I I bocomo entirely worn out every tl moOr I Iso You see tho play Is seldom ov mo-Or before half past ton and then It takes fully an hour to got supper at Rectors t and after that comes tho long rldo home and tho hackmon do rattlo you eo you know d Mr Smallpurse Um or what do doY you think of Drowning N Y Weekly11 An Unsatisfactory Hit i Did you mako a hit as leading mIn m-In the company you were In asked l Mr tormlngton Darnos Yes replied Mr Walker Tlghs 1 bit tho manager for my back salary but tho coin wasnt forthcoming i 11 Chicago Dally News 1 LOOKED UNTIDY l AP a b APd d c m l I t I p h Caller I wish to consult you about my taco doctor Ono side Is twice sae big as tho other DoctorOhI shouldnt worry about that If I were you Caller I dont doctor but Its my wlfa She says It looks 90 beastly un I tidy t I FAR FROM IT Ulllln liikrn a Immmor and Tlio furniture lio breaks It threaten to upset tho land The uproar that ho makes ItnB always acted Just thai war Hlnco first tin learned to toddlo Ono thing nt leant I < < tin safe to say Iras not a mollycoddle lie nmkcn his little ulster cry Ho beats tho smaller boys To shoot the teacher In tho eye Is greatest of his Joys Wo cannot say Just where or how Huoli things got In his noddle Our only comfort Is I to vow I Ins not a mollycoddle Washington Star STRANGER + 1 j 5 1 r > Oo Johnny who made all these beautiful beauti-ful hlllfl and valleys I dont know maam I Just moved hero last week Chicago Journal The Golden Rule I do to others as I would That they should do to me To feel tho Joy of doing good I do to others as I would And so I kissed her where she stood And this wan all my plea I do to others uu I would That they should do to mel moPuck Puck Lucid Finally Archimedes who for an hour had boon patiently guiding the mind of his pupil through n demonstration of an abstruse mathematical problem was rewarded by the gleam of Intelligence Intelli-gence that appeared In tho young Athenians eye And dost thou seo the light lad Perfectly was tho enthusiastic response re-sponse It had mo stumped at first Ill admit but Its really absurdly simple sim-ple The whole thing Is like Greek tome to-me Puck A Fine Sport Dont you think motoring a fine sport Inquired an enthusiast of a friend Rather too find for mo was the gloomy reply I have paid away moro than tbo value of my car lu fines already HARDUPS PROFITABLE RABBIT ACT IJ i s s > w 1 r C C J J j A Story Without Words With the Big Dipper Tha world Is rushing ahead my boy And who known but what some day Thu mllllonulro milkman In u big airship May start skimming the Milky Way Chicago Dally News A Professional Opinion Tho Gentleman Farmer anxiously What in tho world Uncle Tottorly do you suppose Is tho matter with my hens Why this morning I found six of them lying on their backs cold and stiff with their feet sticking up lu the airTho The Ancient Man after a suitable season of coglatlon Yer bens is dead Mr Clttlly The End Inevitable Mies Glnx had a liberal art education edu-cation fouryears In New York twin tw-in Berlin and three In Paris I see And what now klndergar tcnlug or painting Chlnapuck Never r Would Mrs Hunks repeat a scan dial Not If she could l think up an or Iglnal onePuck H The Royal Road Struggling Author Why Do Poesy how prosperous you look Was your lust book of poems a success De Posey Noo cant say that It was Published a popular novel perhaps per-haps NoAh No-Ah then you have written a play I have always held that play writing while not the highest form cf art was nevertheless I have written no play You havent Where did these fine clothes come from How did you pay for that handsome turnout I have abandoned literature and am peddling clamsN Y Weekly |