| Show i o > 7 I JOHN HENRY ON THE GRIP By HUGH McHUGH JI I IGE0RGB v HOBART I EN itei 5 Im Glad he I Jnps Put the Boots to the Czar I did you ever opal ti few hot li with a real attack of grip It comes right down to a case Ing a bad boy the grip has every disease slapped to a sitdown had the grip some weeks ago and titoce my system has felt like eight altorthot cheese F Ftki t medicine sharps tell us that the Is caused by a little germ which rated to this country originally Russia thats the caso Im glad tho Japs Ue boots to the czar I wish they after him again and kick his Ito asj rn oa re 111 bet even money that the father of Arst grIp germ must have been a on Bisbell and his mother was some re ten u to one of Kuropatklns retreats ii dollars to pretzels that the grip iath Is the busiest Idea that was ever an d by a doctor Nobody knows just how or when tho p germs break Into the system but they get a foothold In the eplglot totting can remove them except In 1 applications of dynamite lite grip germ hates the Idea of race RI dee de-e from one small germ there will arise d go forth a family the size of which u never dreamed of In the philosophy tour wise and busy president fl dont t know just exactly how they ipjned to warm wise to me but a married couple of grip germs took 1 lotion to build a nest somewhere on A outskirts of my solar plexus and two i s later they had about 233 children aiding the public school In my asa oblongata and every time I would let out for recess I would jup f la the air and hit the ceiling with j topknot B fore i the next morning came all grip children had graduated from I and after tearing down the r ul Ihouse the whole bunch had mar ea iland had large families of their own tall I hands were out paddling their s on my alimentary canal W nine oclock that morning there I hare been 85000000 grip germs ed with selfloading revolvers all cti ng to shoot their Initials over the jot my Interior department twas fierce I Wen the doctor arrived on the scene m pas carrying enough concealed weap 1 t to exterminate the entire Japanese Is T ° i rump to one thing and that Is that Russians couldnt beat the Japs ball r 6 all the national energy and vitali a 7 emigrated from St Petersburg and to over here with the first grip germs u lithe czar of all the Russians had s a a wise little father he would have is traged the grip germs to remain n tlil to their native land and then he s Id 1 have sent them out to Manchuria u Mte the ramparts out of Gen Oyama il fead of chasing Inoffensive American re < tans Into the drug stores re Wl anyway medicine mixer blew o threw his saws behind the sofa put dipnet on the mantelpiece and took ro 1h1J out of my pulse h AM he said after ho had noted that J tongue looked like a currycomb P The same to you doc I said ii he said looking hard at the L niLSay Say doc I whispered there no le IS0 cut off my leg because tho germs r4f hide In my elbow I iDa you feel shooting pains In the 1 r r a 1 r 1 y + t I I I 1 vs C She Put Up a Howl zh e Utllum near thei njex of the cosmo 7 tan1 Inquired the doctor Surest thing you know I said t lave you a buzzing In the ears and wniiised sound HUo distant laughter kit Panatella 1 he asked 1t t a cInch doc I said itei b you feel a roaring in the cornu Jljrt a with a tickling sensation In fhb Pbragrn1 he ac ed IltCht nBnin 1 whlsperod Do the joints feel sore and plndicC like a 1 poolroom he wild Bight Does your tongue feel rare and high pricEd like a porterhouse steak at a summer resort It doDo do-Do you feel a spasmodic fluttering In the concertina Yes Have you a sort of nervous hesita tion In your hunger and does everything you eat taste like an Impossible sandwich sand-wich Keno Does your nerve center tlnkletlnklo like a breakfast bell 1 Right again Have you a feeling that the germs e I o l t tf J I When the Doctor Arrived have attacked your Adams apple and that there wont be any core Yes When you look at the wall paper I does your brain do a sort of loopthe loop and cause you to meld 100 acres or double pinochle Yes and 80 kings too Do you feel a slight palpitation of tho membrane of the Colorado madura and Is there a confused murmur In your brain like the sound of a hardworking gas meter Youve got mo sized good and plenty doc Do you have Insomnia nightmare loss of appetite chills and fever and concealed respiration In the Carolina perfecto Thats the Idea doc When you lie on your right side do you have an Impulse to turn over on your left side and when you turn over on your left side do you feel an impulse to Jump out of bed and throw stones at a policeman There isnt anything you can mention men-tion doc that I havent got Ah said the doctor then that settles set-tles It Tell me the tiuth doctor I I groaned what Is it bubonic plague You have something worseyou have the grip he whispered gently You see I tried hard to mention tome symptom which you didnt have but you had them all and the giip Is the only disease In the world which makes a spa clnlty of having every symptom known to medical jurisprudence Then the doctor got busy with the pencil pen-cil gag and left me enough prescriptions to keep the druggist In pocket money throughout the summer Later my wife came in and asked me how I felt and when I began to discourse I dis-course amiably about undertakers she put up a howl that brought the rest of around the bedside on a hur the family call ry When I told them I had the grip each and every member of the household from Undo Peter down to the cook began to suggest remedies and If I had taken half tould have sold me 1 they to they suggested lo a junk dealer and got good money That evening our next simor neighbor 3ud Taylor came ir and advised mo to take quinine and whisky every time I felt a shooting pain end of I took his advice but at the hour the score was 98 to 37 In the first and tho i favor of the shooting pains whisky had such an effect on the quinine Jealous so between It made the germs that black tween them they cooked UP a little who advised mo to chase Dud outS out-S the House which I did by throwing medicine bottles at him That night the Vfhlsky and quinine mef ling with the germs directors I held then a they wound liP with a sort of mIl i Mardi Gras parade through my system I was the goat I broke I was a total When daylight wreck and I swors that the next person I per-son that salll whIskY and ellllnino to me would get all his breakfast nnoliir friend of After and after ours Tark Gibson blew In be looked me over his weary fell the eye on dle4ntur Then Jack smacked his lips and whts pared that the best cure for the < grip was 11 glnss ot whisky and quInine every time I felt chills and fever and hed be glad to join me When loving hands picked Jack up at the bottom of the stairs he was almost Insulted but ho quieted down when my wife explained to him that 1 was suffer Ins not only from the tdll b1 that I had also a slight attack of jlujltmt After I week of study tlovotpl1 to the subject I have comc t1 the conclusion that the only way to cure the grIll lt to stay stick until you Ret better Thats whst I did Copyrlslrt trot by O W DllllnRhnm Co |
