Show i v i I L qood Jokes I A BASHFUL SWEETHEART A sharpfeatured determined llttlo woman popped her head out of tho door and Indignantly demanded trthe business of a bashful young man who had been hanging around tho house for hours In a pitiless downpour of rain hoping against hopa that his adored ono would invite him in Now then young foil or what doer do-er want hero Tryin to wear tho pavement out or what she demanded demand-ed sarcastically I reckon Ive come acourtln your daughter tho shamefaced youth admitted ad-mitted Oh yoro after Lizzie arc yet Then take my advice young man an run away an loso yorsolf My gal aint gain to marry a chap that aint courage to knock at tho door an ax for hUlnot likely Why when my husbau came ucourtln mo and found the door locked he climbed tho backyard back-yard wall strangled the bulldog nn knocked the old man silly wl a clump on tho Jaw Then ho grabbed hold of my hand und shoved a ring as big asa as-a cartwheel on my finger and told mo that tho banns were published last Sunday Thats the sort ot husband I want for our Lizzie not a shlvorin mllksup that aint got souse to como in out of tho rain I A HOPELESS CASE II q ti f t rl Mabol After years of effort I havo succeoded In learning how to pro flounce Goethe Tom Well are you satisfied now Mabel No every time I say It somebody corrects met me-t Paying Invention InventorI havo here a now lifesaving life-saving appliance which needs only capital to CapitalistIm busted Havent a cent left Going to the poorhouse next week Gobd da InventorLet me show you one more thing also my Inventiona now patent selffeeding rotary cannon warranted to kill 10000 men a second Capitalist Goo WhIttaker Ill give a million dollars for a halfinterest N Y Weekly Better at Collaboration The Widow after selecting headstone head-stone Pbor Henry always took great Interest an pleasure in these hero comic eppytaps Praps If you could think up one uv them you might put It on tho stone The DealerI aint very Iltry maam but Ive had a little experience experi-ence in llmrlck contests so It youll compose part o the verso I guess I could fill in a mlssln lino er two Judge LONGFELT WANT 1 T 1Jv y Hronson Some genius has Invented an alarm clock that will arouse Its owner and also fire the furnace WoodsonHum Why cant they Invent one with enough nervo to firo tho cook Insured His Repose Benedick dont think that duffer King Solomon could havo been vory wise Henpeck Why not Uenedlck Ho married a thousand wives Honpeck That showed his wisdom ho know theyd keep each other busy Sensitive Conscience Two little girls walking In a field feared that tho cow would attack themLets Lets go1 right on and act as It we werent afraid of her at all said ono But remonstrated tho other wouldnt that bu deceiving the cow I NOT COMPLETE Hacou This paper says tho dragonfly dragon-fly moves through the air either backward back-ward or forward Egbert Of coure we know It must move ono way or tho other but why doesnt It tell us just which way II does move Yonkors Statesman DIDNT MISS MUCH t I r r u I f Mr Church leighYou miss so much by not attending church more regularly regu-larly lnrlyMrs Mrs Wlso Oh no I havo subscribed sub-scribed for two additional fashion magazines I The Usual Experience Mr YounghusbandI suppose you remember tho pony and phaeton I bought of you when my wlfo and I set up housekeeping Well I sold tho pony somo tlmo ago to pay doctors bills and now Id like to sell the phaeton Livery ManI cant sparo tho I money to buy but Id bo willing to I trade if there is anything In my line you want Mr Younghusband after long thought Ill trade for oats if youll glad em up I believe oatmeal is good for children N Y Weekly A Difference An enterprising gentleman of tho breqzy west who superintends the railroad eating houso in his town has I recently hung out a sign that furnishes fur-nishes considerable umusomcnt to thoso who pass by It reads Pies like mother used to make Bo Pies like mother used to try to make lOc Judge PLAIN CLOTHES INDEED j t I II M o Look Maria thats the new policeman police-man Lor so it Is I ardly recognized im In Is plain clothes Cassells The Ruling Passion FatheadMy dear fellow how did you get your taco cut so terribly TartlyI hired a dumb barber to shave mo FatheadAnd he didnt know how to shave eh Tartley Yes he did but he persIsted per-sisted in trying to talk to me with his hands while ho was doing It Two Accounts Closed Family Retainer Oh sir something terrible has appened Your daughter Miss Gwendolyn sir has eloped with tho chaffeur sir an theyre off In the motorcar sir The Old Man Thank the lord Mayho I can save a little money now that tho girl and the machine are both gone Puck The New Dance No doubt tho dancing masters use the hay foot straw foot method of teaching the now barn dance Detroit De-troit Free Press PERILS OF WINTER CANCIr 5 Dangerous Tho ico of course |