Show f Ll rwr ± iJ I 1 f I 1 i = = 0 = I saE IPS NOT ALWAYS WELL TO BUTT IN After tho crash Imparted tho first hospital surgeon to tho second I ran over to where It lay on the pavement and when I raised It up I saw at once that Its ribs were smashed while a gaping hole was torn In Its Pardon mo doctor broke In tho medical student who had caught these words as ho was about to pass by Into ho consumptive ward but If you have no objections Id like to take a few notes on that accident case Ho pulled his notebook from his pocket Was the case a child No the surgeon Informed him toils to-ils embarrassment I was speaking of my umbrella Judge All Tastes Suited New CerkI notice somo of these barrels of apples are marked X and some Z Are they different kinds DealerNo same kind but differently differ-ently packed Some customers want a barrel opened at the bottom and some at the topN Y Weekly Changed His Hours Ho usccUto rise at early dawn just for tho sun and air Ho argued that we needed all of that thero was to spare But now he rises oft at night In anger and despair And goes without a lot of sleep just for tho son and heir Judge AMBIGUOUS I rPIII 1 IV hl t I u r + f I J f f L I i I SheWhos your fair friend HeI r ally forget her name only a hare acquaintance She Hardly that She had her opera cloak on The Cooks Question I wonder If his heart Is fired He calls hero every night I wonderare his calls Inspired By love or appetite Royal Magazine The Little Brother Again Bobby My sister will be down in a fow minutes Mr Softly shes upstairs up-stairs rehearsing Mr Softly who has como prepared Wwhat is sshe rehearsing Bobby I Bobby I dont know exactly but shes standing In front of tho mirror and blushing and saying Oh Mr Sottlyerthls Is so suddenRoyal Magazine The Star Melodrama Tho Heroine wlldIYTho empty hills tho empty valleys the Tho Villain gloomily And tho empty houseChlcago Dally News VERY ORIGINAL h t a JackThat man who has charge of tho pond is very original Jess How Is that JackI told him not to allow any corpulent people to skate so he put up t sign Thin Ice for thin people I iJtL THE STORY OF A FALL The other night I fell now pray All vapid Interruptions stay For sneers are cheap I I Ml ohl will you cense that bray And for six hours unconscious lay But do not weep For though It gives tho show away I ought In very truth to say lfelnRIlp Charles Vivian In Royal Magazine AND THEN THEY CLINCHED J I ip4M f t I i ll r First Landlady I manage to shriek keep my shriek shriek boarders longer than you do Second Landlady Oh I dont know shriek shriek you keep shriek them so thin that they look shriek shriek longer than they really are I Mother Goose a la Newport Little Miss Muffet Sat on a turret Playing bridge whist all night But a society shark Found she was a mark And won all her cash ere twas light Chicago Dally News Times Chang Trembling Attendant nineteenth centuryYour majesty I somehow got a little scratch on your third best crown The Czar furiously Off with his head Careless Attendant twentieth century cen-tury Your majesty I fell and broke your majestys magnificent gold and diamond crown all to pieces Trembling Czar Oh Is that all I feared from the noise It was another bombN Y Weekly KNEW IT I f l T I7rt I r Jones to old gent who Is staring Excuse me sir but do you find anything any-thing familiar about mo Old GentYes my umbrella Like Father Like Son Boy Grandpa I wish youd buy moa mo-a pony Grandpa a philanthropist My son think of tho poor boys who cant oven get bread to eat DoyI was thinking of them tho poor little boys whoso papas have ponies to sell that nobody will buy Royal Magazine Respecting Their Slumber Then when you have finished your lecture said tho professor of elocution elocu-tion and deportment to young Dulle bow graciously and leave the platform plat-form on tiptoe Why on tiptoe queried Dullo So as not to wako the audience replied the professor Royal Magazine Maga-zine His Scheme And how are you going to make any money out of your magazine Wo shall print the pictures and biographies of all tho prominent men And they will buy up tho whole edl tlOI And distribute it No destroy It1 Cleveland Leader |