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Show Hi? TnOI T7Y OttThi O lym PIC QLMEy I E)ivul a fut will I put in front fv another till ye give me a vote "Europeens usually get their idees iv America frm th Americans jj says th' atheleet" they see trudgin' around th' churches.1' I BlttSH," said Mr. Dooley, " that we cud Bjtft th' English fairly at some game or MfDidn't -we do it at Stockholm?" said Ad not," said Mr. Dooley. Jttght we did, an' I was getting r-ready fotulate ih' boys whin they come back, ye, that it makes much diff'rence to me jig fellow counthr3Tnan iv mine who's ed fr'm his room just as he's started to WOts a hundherd meters in ten an' four-pnds four-pnds c iliven hours. I don't know how pter is annyhow. Th' only meter I have Jeeryence with is th' wan ye can hear in th' cellar at this minyit, an' th' gas Can run a hundherd or a hundherd thou-m thou-m fast enough to bate th' v, urruld. Still, ised to think that our young fellows cud Easter, lep higher, an' throw things fur-l fur-l somewan else's young fellovs, an' I was p welcome thim as soon as they put on hes an' thank thim f'r what they'd done lim go back to wurruk tendin' store, or beat, or studyin' law, or whativer it is Oes does wdiin they're dacently dhressed. ; was wrong. Instead iv welcomin' thim shamed to speak to wan iv thim. A JCandal has come out about our team. f didn't spike their opponents or bump jk time. That was three years ago, an' th' insthructed not to do it again. Their t told thim to keep out iv th' way iv timp-whin timp-whin they see an Englishman ap-U ap-U thim to run awav fr'm him as fast as y This time th' foul was far more because it was secret. Th' English ill has dirr..-.,T-d, t.v. l;-;e to, enter a Kat th' American t am I hate to tell ye Baccusation, but it must come out soon mBphat these youi fellows, lost to shame, i; Brained f'r th' races. Here it is, an f fr'm th' London Daily Groan: 'It was Jppeeryority iv th' American team that Th' victhry bul the thrainin' methods iv :,frt)aryans fr'm acrost th' water. It turns j'-'1 ' rnany iv these pretinded amachoors I imokin' cigaieets an' atin' pie weeks be- D to Sweden, an' that while our athletics w, f their ordhmry amachoor lives an' takin' 0 fcbeyant fightin with th' wasps f'r pos- V th' breakfast marmylade their oppo- Kpracticin' runnin', jumpin', and puttin' I PO as to have an onfair advantage whin tp Bed th' races. In coorse they bate us, but Ijjj given that Jvnglishmcn have not adopted JJ jaryous methods, but whin they win, be sildrim, do - . nuirely on their merits. Jjj r idee iv these spoorts is that they ought Jreated as a pleasant, way iv passm' th'-'Kn. th'-'Kn. 1W ilirue a '.M.-ichnor wud disdain (fjiijneal in ordh,.,- to run a little faster thin man. l ie ate a hearty lunch iv veal pie, with n ch ml; iv cheese an' pasthry, J11 ,v t,:'a- Kf's at wanst to th' game, Sis coat, harrds his pipe to th' starter, an' slight perspiration breaks out on th' forehead or a sinkin' fcelin' in th' neighborhood iv th' stomach warns him he has gone far enough. Anywan who adhopts other methods is a pro-ftssyonal pro-ftssyonal an' ought to be barred.' " There ye have it. But that ain't all. A cilly-brated cilly-brated author comes otit an' he says it wasn't an American team that won at all. They were all foreigners. Th' American corrritymen wint to th' extint iv ringin' in a Cherokee Indyan as an American. What d'ye think iv that? Cud bad spoortsmanship go further thin that to pretind that an assisted immygrant whose people haven't been in this counthry fr more thin tin thousan' years was an American? No wondher we won. But where's th' honor to it if we cudden't win fair? Annyhow, th' English ar-re not goin' to be vanquished, mind ye. They're a stubborn race. A comity iv four lords has been appinted to gather in atheletes fr'm ivery corner iv th' arth wherever th' flag iv England floats Hinceforth 'twill not be nicissery f'r anny Englishman to do annything at these compytisions but dhrink his cup iv tea an' cry, ' Well run, sir,' as his fellow Briton, Arrabegoolijah Khan iv Afganystan. huts the tape. It is announced that th' first British sthring at th' nex' Olympic will be : Wong Chin Eoo iv Hongkong, Bahadoor Boo iv Madhras, Wapachoo iv Zoolooland, Sambo Sam iv British East Africa, an' Achnttt Bey iv Egypt. An' ivery British heart will be supposed to leap with joy as these magnifiant Anglo-Saxon undhersthudics sweeps acrosst the field. Th' British flag will be hoisted an' th' band will play th' British naytional anthem. ' What's that chune, O son iv th1 prophet?' says wan British atheleet to th' other. ' I don't know,' says he, 1 but it's th' same th' band played whin th' sojers were chasm' me aged father up an alley in Cahool,' he says. " I don't know how we're goin' to contind again thim. We have no subjick races but. th' Phlippeens, 2n' cock fightin' onforchnitly ain't wan iv th' ivints at th' Olympic games. Th' on'y way I can figure out to get th' best iv thim is not to let annywan compete who hasn't got a vote where he comes fr'm. 'Twud be a grand way iv I ... spreadin' dimycracv all over th' wurruld. 1 Gunga Din,'" says wan iv th' English lords, goin' up to a British atheleet who is hittin' th' pipe undher a bamboo three an' givin' him a light kick, ' I want ye to go to Berlin an' run a thousan' yards f'r th' honor iv 01' England.' ' Divul a fut will I put in front iv another till ye give me a vote,' says th' atheleet. An' if th' English ar-re thrue spoorts-men spoorts-men he'll get it. " I don't know what's goin' to happen to this Anglo-Saxon suprcemacy iv ours if these here despised subjick races gets started in our spoorts. A few years ago ye'd as soon expict to see an archbishop on a thrapeze as an Eyetalyan or a Frinchman or a Bahaymyan winnin' a race. They cudden't undhersland what we were doin'. They watched us an' said : ' What is that Englishman chasm' that American f'r? Has he stole something some-thing fr'm him ?' " 4 lie's just stolen a lap,' says the spictator. 'Go on, Levi, f'r th' honor iv th' Anglo-Saxon race.' But somebody put it into th' heads iv thim benighted people that they cud do as well as their supeeryors, an' behold, a crew in Biljams thnilc iv that I in long whiskers an' smokin' cigareets bates th' English at rowin', an Eyetalyan ice cream peddler runs twinty-six miles faster thin anny iv our own la-ads, an' a man fr'm Lapland or Finland or somewhere's else that I niver dh reamed there lived annywan that cud move fast enough to keep warm in his fur clothes bates a whole sthring iv young fellows that has had all th' advantages iv Christyan bringin' up an' Anglo-Saxon thraditions. It's tur'ible, Hinnissy, but I'll niver give up till we're claned be th' Chinese. Chi-nese. If wan iv thim laundhrymen runnin' thirty-four thirty-four steps to th' yard bates our riprisiiitative I'd abolish th' games. I cudden't bear th' disgrace. Yet it may happen. Th' older I get th' more I've made up me mind that th' on'y reason annywan is a champeen is because enough people don't thry to take it away fr'm him." " Well, annyhow, we won this time," said Mr. Hennessy. " We did that," said Mr. Dooley. " It may be th' last time, but I'm glad iv it, I don't know why I get so inthrested in these things me that cudden't roll, let alone run, a hundherd yards an Ifpfv -r' "Matt took th hammer, dilicately, an' flipped it over into Norway." wud be sure to dhrop th' hammer on me toes if I : thryed to throw it. But I do. Why is it? I ;jj ain't annything like as stirred up be our intel- :j lechool conquests as I am be a New York polis- :j man peggin' th' hammer th' lenth iv th' stajum. M There's a colledge in Paris called th' Sourbun, an' I ivery year it asks a pro-fissor fr'm this counthry 4 to go over an' give an exhibition rv how high th' fj American mind can jump. Some iv onr gr-reatest 40 mintel atheleets, with as much head above their spictacles as below thim, has enthered in these j spoorts an' done gr-reat honor to their native I land. But d'ye see me skimmin' th' pa-apers to ' find out what Dr. Sarybellum, pro-fissor iv tau- ; W tology at Kaw university, has done to th' Frinch J champeen? If I did chances ar-re I wudden't a find it. Ye don't see anny headlines in th' j pa-apers, ' American Pro-fissor Grabs First Money at Sourbun.' No, sir. I don't care whether he did or not. I wudden't mind if he was disqualified fr spikin' his opponent or speak-in' speak-in' Latin through his nose. But whin an American Ameri-can goes over to punch a foreigner's eye or ow against him or run him off his feet I set back in me rockin' chair, read ivery line iv th reports, an' give three cheers fr him. I'm proud to be riprisinted abroad be these young fellows. Eu-ropeens Eu-ropeens usually get their idees iv America fr'm th' Americans they see trudgin' around th' churches readin' little red books an' steppin' on th' heels iv old ladies sayin' their pather an' aves, j or cursin th' hotels iv Rome because they can't j get withered bran f'r breakfast, or tellin' a cardi- A nal how much Saint Peter's is like th' new coort- house at Wanskaloosa. Td like to say : ' These IH boys that ye see hoppin' around th' thrack ar-re th' rile ripresintive Americans. They are our m ambassadures, not th' la-ads ye see makin' a ginu- ( flixion befure th' king. An' th' foreigners wud : look thim over an' say : ' What's th' use iv makin' war again such a tur'ible people? If we shud an' i fought Matt McGraw wud knock our heads off, '$ an' if we run away Craig wud ketch us. Let us j make peace with thim.' Dear, O dear, I'dVe liked M to been in Stockholm whin Matt took th' ham-mer, ham-mer, dilicately, d'ye mind, between th' thumb an' forefinger, give it a graceful flourish around his head, an' flipped it over into Norway. They say :M th' king iv Sweden tur-rned pale. ' What Joes $ that hanghty man do whin he's at home?' says he. jfl 1 He's a polisman, O king,' says wan iv th' court- "M yers. 1 Thin,' says his majesty, ' I can undher- .HI stand why th' Swedes ar-re so law abidin' in ;8i America,' he says." " Thim English pa-apers ought to be ashamed flj to be stirrin' up bad blood," said Mr. Hennessy. j Hh " It amounts to nawthin'," said Mr. Dooley. l " There's no hard feelin' among th' la-ads that jl done th' sprintin'. Whin they've got through they tjfl go over to th' Dutchman's an' break thrainin" 119 together. l n An' says wan, 4 I'm sorry I spiked ye, Tim,' ,ifl an' says th' other, ' Twas nawthin'. It avens up vl that kick I give ye last year.' Spoorts, Hinnissy. H is like war. All th' excuses an' all th' complaints H ye hear come fr'm th' noncombytants." (Copyright: 1912: By Finley Peter Dunne.) |
