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Show WMuPh7prW THE PAPERS OF PRIVATE PURKEY Dear Ma I got your last letter and I wish you would stop worrying about me not getting eriough sleep on account of having to get up so early in the morning. It won't do no good for you to write the camp general telling tell-ing him that you know I need mora Bleep and will only make me laughing stork. And. ma. it is silly for you to say you think maybe you can inQooence the general to let me sleep later mornings on account my grandfather served in the Spanish-American Spanish-American war. They don't even rate that as a war any more. Anyhow I get enough sleep even if they do make me get up at day-brake. day-brake. I know when I was home I couldn't get to sleep when I went to bed at 9 or 10 but up here I am plenty tired and I don't have to count no sheep. But there is one feller in my tent who has insomania and he keeps hollering 'Half over and over all nlte because Instead of counting sheep he tries to challenge 'em. I got used to this now and he don't bother me. I gess it aint so bad being in a army today because a mess sergeant ser-geant up hear who was in the last war says they had Insects called cooties in it and he made me itch all over by Just describing 'em. He says they were a cross between a soft shell crab and a bedbug but we never had no soft shell crabs in our house, ma, so the descripshun is lost on me partly. He says these camps are bo sanertarry that a soldier sol-dier cant even get dirty if he wants to and he says no man can say he is a war hero until he has had cooties. He says the reason the Allies licked Germany in the last war was the German soldiers had more cooties coo-ties on 'em than the allies and he says if we get into this war it will be settled the same way. The cooking is a lot better now that the cooks are getting out ol the amachure class but how I would co for some of your griddle cakei or frickerseed chicken, ma. Somehow Some-how a frickerseed chicken in an army looks like the bird was still resisting up to the minitt the chef stopped cooking it. Nobody can make soup like you can either ma. The soup in a army always tastes like the cook wuzzent sure if he was making a soup a chowder or a stew. I know how to oil a gun now, ma. I always thought a gun was self oiling. All I knew about guns was what I seen in the moving pitchers and I never saw nobody oil a gun even Jimmy Cagney. But I learnt here that a gun has to be loober-cated loober-cated and it is quite a job. The captain says oil is the life of a gun and I give mine plenty of oil as I want it to live to reach a ripe old age. I am glad you liked the Snapshot Snap-shot I sent. It was taken after in-speckshun. in-speckshun. We get inspected every few minutes and they are very fussy if they find a little thing like a thread on my shoulder or a button off. The army is very particular about buttons and I gess the general gen-eral thinks one button oft a coat can lose a battle. I gtill wish they had cavalery In war as I luv horses and I think it is more fun to train on horseback than on foot but war has got so bad that horses won't have nothing to do with it. Well, there goes the bugle for another an-other drill but don't worry as It Is all automatic with me now and when I aint drilling I think summing is all wrong. Your loving son, Oscar. MOVIE REACTIONS About Paulette Goddard I could never be boddard. Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Playing a dirge on his spinnet; No matter what show He'd take in he'd know Don Ameche would surely be in itl I'd be glad if I didn't have to speak no, Hear no, seeno Ida Lupeeno! Since "Gone With the Wind" Miss Vivien Leigh Has always looked O K to meigh. As for Gypsy Rose Who knose? When I see Ed Wynn I just give ynn. Richard Avedon RECIPE FOR PEACE Ihe wars would be much fewer And despots hold less sway If all the folks wore earlaps And tossed those "mikes" away. 'War Declared on Influenza." headline. "I knew all those Balkan statei would be In before long," commenti Ima Dodo. 1 President and Mrs. Roosevelt 1 bad a wedding anniversary re-' re-' cently and Mrs. Roosevelt got .borne for It. |