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Show :: Slashes by the ; ":: Lady Barber .(Copyright, 1903, by J, C. Spray, Jr.) 'l .see," aald Kiltie, tho lady barber, peering over tho top of a newspaper, "that some of our elstors who traded their coin and freedom for titles are trying to get a bill through Congress which will readmit re-admit them to American citizenship after they havo put their better halves away for keeps or been divorced." "It ought to go through," remarked tho auburn-haired girl. "I feel sorry for tho poor dears." "They're more to bo pitied than censured," cen-sured," ald the blonde. "I don't know but that's right," replied Klttlo "We boast about our love of liberty lib-erty and hang out tho 'Grand Opening, Evorvbodv Welcome' sign on tho world s billboard. " Wo offer special inducements to tho worst elemonts of Europe, and we're there with tho glad mlt for tho Jailbirds Jail-birds of all nations. Wo. muko voters of om before they can talk our lingo, and politicians of 'em as soon as they can count our monc. If wo can hand out clt papers that easy 1 don't seo any reason why we should bar out tho silly, foolish women who couldn't resist tho temptation to put handles to their names and Incumber Incum-ber themselves with cmpty-pated husbands." hus-bands." "Who's fathering the bill?" asked tho auburn-haired girl. "After-Dinner Chauncey is doing tho papa act in the Senate," aald Kittle. "Ho'a a great lover of women and I'vo heard he'd rather defend them than crack a chestnut nfter a good feed." "Maybp ho can't help himself, suggested suggest-ed tho auburn-haired girl. "Ho3 got a young wife, you know, and sho may bo boosting tho gaino for her countrywomen." country-women." "That3 eo," said Klttlo. "Sho dldn t marry a title, but sho grabbed oft a U. S. Senator, and nowadays that's got a tlllo skinned a block." "How's that?" asked tho blonde. "Tho foreign gent usually has tho title with nothing but I. O. U.'s behind It, whllo a U. S. Senator, if he's a wlso guy, don't havo to llvo on tho salary tho Government Gov-ernment allows him," ronlled Kittle. "They must get handed," said tho auburn-haired girl. "Mako a piece of change on tho side, added tho blonde. "They'ro silk-stocklngcd grafters." said Kittle, "but lfa not called by that namo In pollto society. A llttlo tip ovor tho wire from Wall street docs tho business. Them's no law against Senators buying stocks at Just tho right moment. If thoy grab off a nlco piece of coin in this way It simply showa keen business Instinct, but when a half-clad, half-starved man takcB a, loaf of bread or a beefsteak from a storo to feed his wife and babies thoy call It stealing and send him to the pen for l:.rceny. l'ou'vo got to be a millionaire or an up-to-dato grafter or you're a dead ono In the Senate Chauncey had the ma-zuma ma-zuma In barrels before ho ever saw- tho Senate, and. of course, he's not ono of tho graftcr3. The only things he has to worry about now aro spending his money and ontGrtainlng Mrs. Dopow. Chauncoy's a great lady's man, and he's at homo when he'3 spieling about tho rights of women." "Did any ono take tho other sldo of tho argument?" asked tho auburn-halrcd girl. "Sure thing," answered Kittle. "Thoso old guys In the Senato aren't happy unless They're gaslng about something. Just as Chauncey was throwing an eloquent fit, swinging his arms and looked coquetlsh-ly coquetlsh-ly at tho -women In tho gallery Pitchfork Tillman of South Carolina Jumped to his feet and let out a yell that would make an Indian war whoop ashamed of itself. " 'Mr. Chairman," cried Pitchfork Ben, shaking his head and prancing like a bucking bronco. 'I'm dead tired of the lino of talk which my old pal, tho gent from New York, Is handing you. I've sat hero for twenty-seven hours listening to tho spiel about the rights of theso reno-gado reno-gado women. The constant use of smell fng salts, Mr. Chairman, was the only thing that kept mo from fainting. Mr. Depow has made ono of the greatest speeches that was over inflicted on this bunch of hot-air shooters. He has beaten his own record In telling you something about nothing, and wo've got to give It to him for that. 1 have no doubt my frlond Chauncey will be amply rewarded by having hav-ing his mug printed on tho first page of a new cook book. "At this point, girls, the paper says, tho pink blushC3 roso to Chauncoy's cheeks and he bowed low In acknowledgment of Pitchfork's bouquet. "'I don't know how to thank my old side kick from South Carolina,' said Mr. Depew. 'I'm afraid his hot-air tank is working overtime. I'll give him a chance now to throw a fow bunches of talk at you with Ids pitchfork.' "Mr Depew sat down amidst a storm of approving screams from tho gallery. 'Isn't he a dear,' 'perfectly lovely,' 'exquisite,' 'ex-quisite,' "divine," were somo of the exclamations excla-mations that broke through the cloud of llutterlng handkerchiefs. Mr. Tillman Jumped over a fev desks and took a hand spring Into tho aisle. Ho held a volume of parliamentary law in ono hand and a ccpy of tho Declaration of Independence In the other. " 'Mr. Chairman and ladles In the gallery,' gal-lery,' began Pitchfork. 'I'm not able, like my friend Chauncey,- to spread any cold cream or warm dalvo to sooth your chapped sentiments or thoso of tho girls across tho water who -want to como back. I'm against readmitting to citizenship those dames who gulped down aristocratic paupers, titles and all, and who arc now suffering from Indigestion. If good American Amer-ican lads weren't good enough for 'em, thoy don't deserve to be called citizens. Now, Mr. Chairman, tho trusts aro crushing crush-ing tho common peoplo llko a great octopus' octo-pus' "What on earth have tho trusts got to do with readmitting these women to citizenship?" citi-zenship?" gasped- tho auburn-haired girl. "Not a thing, my child," replied Kittle. "That's one, of tho signs of a great Senator. Sen-ator. Tho man who talko tho longest and gets farthest away from tho subject is tho greatest orator." "Do you think the bill will pass?" queried tho auburn-haired girl. "Did you ever seo women go after anything any-thing that they didn't get it sooner or later?" responded Klttlo. "Tho American girls who are interested In this bill went after titles and they got 'em, and now they'vo got tho titles and aro rid of tho husbands they -wont to bo American citizens citi-zens again, and they'll got that, too." "I don't want any titles for mine," said the auburn-haired girl, '"Tho homo article la good enough for me," said tho blonde. "That's tho ticket." said tho lady barber. bar-ber. "You'd better bo married to an honest, hon-est, clean-cut American lad who's making only ?12 per and live In a neat llttlo cottage cot-tage on a back street than be a titled lady and llvo In a mortgaged castlo whero tho closets aro filled with skeletons and tho drawing-rooms reck with scandal." |
