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Show lADVtNTimES OF WEXJBENS i 1 I III fpn L -,ai lip'""" r i ,. ' 1 . ; i IHEBTTiy IflGEflUJTy TO SURPRISE MTC rVTDECE THAT HE HAS LIKES ""T i 032 "DISLIKES." ' f-JV EAR UNCLE SILAS: The change j In my estate hss been so notable glJH! i!K6 myjetter of a few weeks ago Jy " Umt I have a sense of being an-fet an-fet jrson than the Reuben Lark-"V. Lark-"V. u) Mitocame here to New York from J feftlL'e to finish his education In the 2 I' of Han. I have seen several a th saying Is. but my educa-f educa-f fcjtiH progresses. When I first came J It teemed to me that for the pos-i pos-i fer of wealth living In the modern constituted the acme of luxury. 2W' ;osid that to a man of my superior W Ick the doors of New York's llt-4p llt-4p V7 uifl artistic eats would fly open in m I was convinced that the ad- ; llf.,0? 3 scholar and a gentleman I n 1 heralded as an event of lm-& lm-& i S4, 1 lmaK'"ed that the income a i would have been suillclent of It-g It-g MI to other attribute did so to at-1 at-1 i l" attention of financiers. That r v 'twell equipped with profound w matters of national policies A 'J3511 woul(i extend the calm handa Lfowihlp. Not eo! Al 1,131 1 was wasting wealth at a Jj ilCra mere mask of luxury, a pre-31 pre-31 M comfort; that New York's llter- 1 fc57,rtiet,c MLS- lf suc exist, are a saaful of my presence, that the ad- u;aahoIar and a gentleman Is of J5 Vrest to New York than the nr-tie nr-tie X" a Pr'e-wlnnlng bulldog; that , Mi .cniJ' 19 relatively so un- 2 E5ct thal u has " Yet engaged the irt 0n,y of schemers; that as to r0St! L ?i,0n natlonal policies, so far Ji statesmen to hospitality. Itl,.Dad to hire a hall and con-1 con-1 far v a rlot on thft onl' occasion ' iS w v. Ve.a,red m' Political opinions I iktnGHed city I nr?one fUlck 10 Perceive condi-l! condi-l! fc'r " "tive to environment I 1 WHncIVde atcr but a few 2 ne,?Iect- that I must not wait rTrit.Vitlreme"t for a call to make ! rh" vov,W,i' but- as a nualnt say-i' say-i' !te ,here expressclt. "butt in" . 4 CutVn V.w,8h t0 enter. I llnd it ra-i ra-i 1 a , to ,flylnw of a man'a dutr to !5 list h ?pt.1s- Lacquerre's advice I ltfforL of mlne to wag it as I ' Kk C0U,nIs me that men of lit Km,OC,!U 'osIUo" have found plUeWi 'mpt 10 take the conduct 3 Sffre ?ut of tne hands of men ' nt if no soclal Position who Jf 'able3 i ue exPrcsed herself on 1 Cfaon i th0re vague gerteralltlea i iK,novS determlncd that be-r be-r i CS be trusted wlth the dl- therS ,ncaPable of conducting ? "l obtain lrs successfully; j?hall not ' V Uon n.7 ia comPetence nor t?oclal ' V of JnK a!lannient8 being evl- J 4!h,f , 0 BU,ae lhe attrs of '; ay contym, a ,cd- "Dear old Jack," rt-Uffi u5JeS?eVp,eaklnS of the late of n?nni dld not Jnterfere with ifussS'otir domestic affairs, 'cation S?n ,that a man of leisure OalnS wfc lhe conduct of pub-Wona-S,? dla he set out of it? 4. U6hJ uddod ItlQtch box. for S?kfl by S dinn" at wh'ch it was S1 fcniel J mador,"e dlstr,ct club- f i the nominatIon to Con- iL ldf?iK.nd th,at hls Income and U!oti mat hlm ob"oxIouy J ttiy Q of h'9 class. Bah! i46abeli"lan s advice, Tteu-r Tteu-r iaiiv nUt,no man or woman the Presidency to an invitation to occupy oc-cupy an opera box on a repeat night by hard, consistent butting. But when you've got it, and know that you got It by butting In, that knowledge must destroy any. feeling of triumph. When one knowa that he Is de trop and yet can enjoy the situation, one is a pig. Keep to your own class, to your own set In your own dago, as much as possible, to your own gang" In your own set. Then there will be no more hammers out for you than are needed for your proper guidance. You are started right at last, in your own apartment, with your own servants; and the thing for you to do is to pace along soberly until you have snuggled into a set. Then make your own gang, and at last you will begin to have interests in common with others; common duties, recreations, follies and virtues with a few men and women. That, my boy, is what constitutes society so-ciety as society is spoken of among us. A woman, let us say, comes to New York and is introduced in the Brown-Smlth-Joneg ret, and straightway she thinks she is in the Brown-Smith-Jones society. She probably met them as a matter of fact because Brown or Smith or Jones wanted to pull her husband's leg. When the leg is pulled nothing more doing, Reuben1 The Brown-Smith-Joncses- have common Interests grown up out of a lifetime of intimate association associa-tion What the deuce do they want with Mrs. Lady-whose-husband's-leg-has-bcen-pulled? Nothing! Nevertheless, Neverthe-less, the lady's home paper prints with pride that she is in the Brown-Smith-Jones set in New York. Bue &hc knows she Isn't. My. my. honey, how hard she knows she Isn't!" I report these eccentric views of Mrs. Lacquerre's because they may explain to you why my reception here has not been as general or as enthusiastic as I had anticipated. Now I must take up in chronological order the events which altered al-tered my style of living and started me on the way to make a "gang" of my own In the set to which Mrs. Lacquerre and Aunt Sarah belong. After mv experience with that rascal valet, Bowker, the matter of engaging an apartment for me was undertaken by Mrs. Lacquerre, to my great relief of mind. She also obtained a valet for me, but when I urged her to order the furnishings for my apartment she declined. de-clined. "Let your Aunt Sally do thai," she Maid. "Dear Sally ia having frequent fits over our chumship yours and mlnc- in fear that I'll capture you for my gal Frances. It would look rather mother-ln-lawy for me to spend any money for vou, so let dear Sally shop for you. Sally's a fool in many things, and she'B saying unlovely things about me because you don't marry your cousin Josephine, but she has mighty good taste about housefurnlshing, and will not spend so much money for you as I would The delirious delight of emptying empty-ing another purse than my own would be too much for me." So Aunt Sarah furnished the apartment, apart-ment, and with perfect taste, no doubt; but lf she is an economical shopper I urn fortunate to have escaped the machinations ma-chinations of an expensive one. My valct'a namo is Martin. I know little else about him, not even whether that Is a Christlon or a surname, and beyond the fact that he was Mrs. Lac-ouerrc's Lac-ouerrc's valet I never expect to know more of Martin, He Is the most peculiar pecu-liar man I ever encountered, chiefly so because there Is nothing peculiar about him. Ho has absolutely no mental, temperamental, physical or metaphysical metaphysi-cal characteristic. He is neither tall nor short, thick nor thin, grave nor gay. mild nor peppery, oulck nor slow. He fascinates me, although for a time his colorlcssneiw made me all but unconscious uncon-scious of his beln& ,, ,, Doubtless that which we ordinarily note ln an individual to differentiate him Is some small oddity which fixes our attention to the exclusion of the consideration that he Is a human being. be-ing. A man an unfeathered, bare man Is an almost exciting thing to contemplate. Martin is without that oddity which fixes attention, to the specimen rather than to genius is without, for example, any view of things with which I differ or which I do not understand, is devoid of any eccentricity of accent or vocabulary or of manner. He is revealed simply as a human being, and as merely such becomes the wondrously involved problem the poet-philosopher has urged us to study. What, then, Is man? We can by study and Judicial weighing weigh-ing understand the mental abnormality abnormal-ity of holders of the most radical views, we know what physical deviation from the normal accounts for the most gro-tesaue gro-tesaue deformity; a man may eat glass, walk on coals, beat his wife, delight de-light In poeLry, prefer lemon to milk in his tea, denounce wealth, commit murder, write book reviews, deny the truths of higher criticism, become a professional gymnast, though he may have but one leg; believe in fortunetellers, fortune-tellers, or ev.en assert that the bcet-HUgar bcet-HUgar Industry requires no protecting tariff yet by patient search all these deviations from the normal human mind or body may be accounted for. But the normal animal man! Have you ever seen one ln whom some singularity sin-gularity does not confuse your conception concep-tion of him as a man, distract your attention from the fact that his singularity sin-gularity was given to him to conceal the awful fact that he was a man? Uncle Silas, my man Martin Is a normal man, and I am convinced that he is the only one ln the world. If he Is not a unique, his replica would have astonished a recording world. I exert my Ingenuity to surprise from him evidence that has likes or dislikes, dis-likes, chills or fever, insomnia or drowsiness, courage or cowardice, ambition am-bition or contentment, hope or despair. To no purpose. One must have seen him a dozen days to be certain to recognize rec-ognize him on the thirteenth, yet thereafter he is the one man in the world impossible to forget. I had written this much about him when I chanced to mention that I had hopes of a visit from you. and asked him if he could make a guest comfortable com-fortable in my apartment. "I know your uncle's wants well, sir," replied Martin, "for I've taken care of him when he visited Mr. Lacquerre." Lac-querre." Now, the fellow had never said he knew you, although I had often mentioned men-tioned you. "Then you may have heard my uncle speak of me?" I asked with a strange feeling. "Yes, sir," replied re-plied Martin. "I heard him discuss this visit of yours with Mrs. Lacquerre. Lac-querre. I was her butler then. Your uncle asked me if I could accept a place as your man when you were ready to have one." "Oh. Indeed!" I exclaimed, and I am conscious that I suddenly looked at him as lf I had discovered a pond ln which I could drop a pebble without maklnjr circles. Martin has, as a matter of routine, assumed charge of more thjng3 than I had supposed came within the province prov-ince of a valet's duties, but this assumption as-sumption is without any degree of emphasis, em-phasis, not even of zeal; rather as a matter of fact, which dissuades me from questioning tho resulting status. An accident showed me how varied are his activities. In the mail he gave me this morning, with the coffee he serves before my bath, was a letter which interested mo much. It was from a stranger who pleasantly told me he had chanced to sec a small man take up arms, so to say, against a bully who was condemning my speech before the Reuben Larkmead club. It seems that the events of that evening are the subject of lively controversy ln the district, and my partisan, in the Instance related by my correspondent, correspond-ent, retorted with his fist when my traducer grew violent In denouncing me. My knightly friend was In a fair wav to bo roughly handled, but my correspondent saved the plucky little fellow from further punishment. "I learned that the little chap was out of work and had been ill," wrote my correspondent, "so I took the liberty of rewarding him for standing up for you against such physical odds. He really Is In need of more help than I could afford to give him, but I told him that if he would swallow his pride and let you help him you would consider that "iiu UUI1C JUH il 1U1 LIIU1 IUVUI LllUlt;- by. He was loath to apply to you for aid, but may do so. as his necessities are great By the way, his name Is Oscar Smith." I could not be but greatb' moved at reading this letter, for it Is by such evidence that I keep faith In my heart that all New York Is not a selfish-seeking selfish-seeking crew, eager to Impose on good nature and credulity. Here Is a poor fellow in want and ill who, without hope of reward, takes my part to the point of physical assertion. As chance has given me knowledge of his loyal nature, I shall rejoice at the opportunity to make oroper acknowledgment. acknowl-edgment. I shall tell Martin that lf Mr- Oscar Smith calls In my absence he Is to be detained until my return. Later when I returned to dress for dinner I heard voices In the dining- room, which aroused suspicion that Martin was entertaining callers there. I was about to make investigation when my progress was arrested by hearing my name used freely by Martin Mar-tin and another speaker. Martin said in his usual placid tone: "No, Mr. Oscar Os-car Smith, you can't pluck Mr. Lark-mead Lark-mead while I'm wlh him. I r;uess if you knew that I was here you wouldn't try that old trick of pretending to be a poor sick devil who had struck a bully In defense of Mr. Larkmead. Thats an old-time begging letter-writer's letter-writer's trick." The caller made answer quite merrily mer-rily -well. Martin. It was a long shot to try on anybody, but I'd heard that Mr Larkmead was an easy mark, so I didn't waste any new tricks on him at the start Of course, If I'd known you were here. I'd tried the best trick In my bunch, for there's little In the way of graft that you didn't learn to block when you were with Mr. Lac-cuerre." Lac-cuerre." "Well," rejoined Martin, ln a tone he mlgrht have used in discussing pictures, pic-tures, potatoes or parties, "Mr. Larkmead Lark-mead has It In him to be a sharp one. but while he's learning his way around you and your crew of bunko men will save a lot of postage ln cutting him off your list, for I'm on guard here. Now you. may get out, for I'm expecting ex-pecting Mr. Larkmead home presently." present-ly." "So-long, Martin," replied the other, seemingly undlstressed by Martin's plain language. "I'm glad to see you In such a good place. If I think of a new kind of begging-letter dodse I'll try It on you, for if it pusses you It will be good for fair. So-long, Martin." Mar-tin." I was dazed at the condition revealed by this fortunately overheard conversation, conver-sation, and expected a long explanation explana-tion of the begging-letter business when I asked Martin lf any one had called that afternoon. "Only Mr. Oscar Smith, sir," answered an-swered Martin. "I told you to keep him if he should call." "There was no use, sir. I gave him what he needed." "Money?" "No, sir; advice. I've known him a long time not as Mr. Oscar Smith 1 and know that all he needs is good ad- j i . Martin said no more about turning I ''' the professional begging letter-writer ! away, and seems to Include the whole ; hH strange matter ln the way of his reg- ' i 1 HLH ular duties. IrH It may be, Uncle Silas, that I've 'H been overcredulous ln my dealings with ) those who have sought me here, but it I acuuiu mm. x m now 10 oe proiectca j j In one respect. But there's another In i !-!LI which I fear even astute Martin will I not avail to save me trouble. I refer itfB to the matter of the pursuit of me by rLfl mothers of eligible daughters. Not of the Aunt Sarah or Mrd. Lacqucrro l .l class, nor yet of the class of the moth- . i 'M er of Miss Babe Franklin, but a dif- i ferent class still, who are swimming i within my ken in such numbers and with such grimncss of purpose that I am almost as much alarmed as em- ' barrassed. I have devoted too much i space to telling you of the change ln i my manner of living. I must defer j ''H giving some account of what It is like j to be the objpet of a lively contest in i iH the marriage market. Until then, as rLfl ever, affectionately, REUBEN. I |