Show IDE RA ss 0 vsT I C I BY GERALD DRENAN I i had strolled Into the churchyard of Ballycarney partly because of its dualnt old gravestones and partly for a peep at the Hchencd church through which Noll Cromwells cannonballs had whistled their warhymns To my disgust I found the sacred Inclosuro every where Infested by goats Goals browsed among the tombs clanking their hobblingchains over the graves of the departed Thero were goats in the ruined chancel where those rugged cluaflalns the OCnrneys of Ballycar ney rested shoulder to shoulder There nettlegrown were goats in the bleak space toward the northBall carneys potters Held One cduld scarcely atlr for goals of every size color and age from the IlltemperedpatiJarch of his tribe to the kid of yesterdays weaning It was not strange under these cir cumstances that I should1 anathematize anathema-tize goats I did so and with emphasis Tho words worehardly out ot my when mouth to use an Irish Idiom from the old church there stepped forth a gray and wizened hunchback It was Danny Nowlan the parish sexton tutelary genius of the place Take shame to yourself cried the little gravedigger for spakln words the like o them little ye know Ill go ball that my goats are no common ones Little think that comes among them wid a gibe on your lips that the cowl of a man dwells under the halry bjde of every goat In Ballycarncy churchyard i I have fads of my own and lunacy Js but an exaggeration of the fad So I did not smile at the queer hunchback hunch-back crazy as he seemed to be Instead In-stead I i craved his Indulgence and the i pardon of his goats pleading Ignorance in excuse for my hasty language Danny Nowlan was mollified Sure an if ye didnt know he said ye couldnt expected to understand Sit vo down on the stone theretls ould Sir Geoffrey OCarneys by the same tokenan Ill be tellin ye all about myself an the goats I took my seat accordingly upon Sir Geoffreys sepulchcr while Danny expounded ex-pounded to me what he termed his thayory n As sexton o the churchyard church-yard he said I have the rights o the grass mcanln dye see that I can graze any bastes belongln to me on the graves An tis good rich grass your honor that grows In these churchyards But the stuff thats in the grass sure that differs wid every grave an thats where my thayory begins I started Tld one solitary goat because be-cause I was poor then an hadnt learned wisdom The single goat combined com-bined Avid a naatural gift of observation observa-tion taught me all I know Today I have a neat house beyant an fivean fifty pound In the Kilmora bank All along o the goatsan the grass o the graves You see I didnt like to put my one goat on the graves o the daclnt people because I thought their chillier anthem an-them that belonged to them mightnt like it So 1 just hobbled my lad over beyant where the potters field Is an all the tramps an neerdowells are laid Would ye believe it After three weeks feodln In the potters field chains and staples couldnt hould that goat He became the worst blackguard black-guard an the worst wanderer savin your presence for Us a wanderer you are yoursetC in the barony o Sljeye carne DIvil a day but I had to go stravaiglln after him YL mighty hard thing for a noon boy wld a back like mine avic 1 Well one mornln while I was leadln Oliver Crummle L called him Brummie because I knew KO good of him while 1 was leadin him back to his ould quarters in potters field word came to me of a burin So I just tied Oliver to the nearest tombstone an left 1 him there I i never noticed at the tune that the grave belonged to Father Roger Kavanagh God rest his sovI the best priest an the best man that ever died In the parish of Ballycarney Ye can tell what a saint Father Roger was by seem the little they have to say about him on the stonefor tis mostly the best men that have the shortest epitaphs Father Rogers real tomb Is In the poor peoples hearts for tis the good honest man he was en I u < > Anyhow I left my goat overnight on the priests grave Next day when I got out o bed 1 remembered him an says I to myself ill go ball my bould Crunnnle Is halfway to Castle Carney back gate by this time So out I goes an there If youll believe me was liver Crummle squattin alslv on his hunchers eatln1 favay at the grass on Father Rogers grave just as I Ii ll had never strolle a ftii ng from ti1t spot In his life I S Arrah then Oliver ma boucha nays f if your new quarters suit you ip well you may as well atick to them So there he stayed tied to the priests tombYour Your Honor that goat got so well behaved that I toOk l the chain off his leg altogether You couldnt coax him away from the churchyard he used to look so sad when 1 called him Crummle that I changed his name to Owen his Roe The farmers heard tell of coiivaralon an came from miles abound to sac him In hjs ould wicked days he used to ask nothln better than to break out an eat Madam hIs fancy garden hedges at 1hcicasuc Qarne an CarnevTi 0 f11611 so pleased Madam Carney that pon my sowkins she of fcred ne five guineas for the cmythur Will the money I bought two Young goats Instead o one But I lesson from Owen Roe late learned Oliver a Crummle Np more coats wenl tOS11lze In POtters field I kept them tied to the Plllal 0 Iot1lCl stone an the result was Rosers that the tomb fame 0 my goats spread from the Heights reJan to 1llmore City In ademonej of hand money Oer fist nn every perty Went Into goats until I had so many bastes that tll11 another could find Fatimer room oVel l Roger Kaaiagh SOl took quiet a rnyson wid myself dye It nfIg that I seean wa thaOv way came to aydos nn 1 Bald to myself Xis I not the that count but the man grass t thats hurled under the grtjs Graze il gO l tlnmI OV01 a or > blackguard an hell turn out bll1dguar 01 trunp But goat graze your over a daclnt honest iou11 have a daclnt 1 man an alsy to sd thc daYduotlonl oncst goat XJs i made from them factsas Mr Carney himself ad mitted to me afterward Well Fathea nosersrr ie hem cupied i had to look oc piece o around for anew rood mans gras 0111 try the Quality next says I so I lIc goats to the voryltoifvonrte new JJau very stone your ilitln ST the tomb 01 of ould Geoffrey OCttpSSr Mr OGarnQ Carneys hCle SfflfiJffirSii that Was lord e befole Yellow WilliaIatInie I ala turned tlmeTh P lut l out the wall got enough so In martial point proud MC that OCarnoy they weie no nc srass that use turned OJ1 t11e11 floes any at more Jett1t Tho prasshcoch Nothing but anQ tlfld1iert gras the best an gras WDJ tb likes 0 them gOOd Cfloug h for for tImOold sap had got Into their veim OClilney 110 veins an theros llflCrttmm an ater than the lip same Ouldhel bJooj In Ln ney 8 ass toy call OCarneysor themsclves Car alnel every gomb now to his fathers gomblep1UUl iUckSU1D name Sure Carney pride all over that tho 5arJflce The o that clleYd lat1l they for six IluhIrillered foughl under year nJl share It more han wJtl them that hnI I H no call Ycll nnYho thc lo goats that 3q flit grazed Georrre an lmli wire she a Butler or 011T10nd wa Haughty that I turned out RO bad to give thcln to the j prJe because ye sec tis the custom I In these parts to take all your troubles to the church I By an by my thayory worked so I well an I made so much by Rrasin goats over good quiet men that I could afford to expayrlmcnt as Mr Carney calls It Them cspayrlnients would 1111 a book I crazed goat on Marly Dowllnpr the poachers grave an1 that goat never cared for Ills own grass but loved nolhln so much as stealin from his neighbor Another goat fed over Larry Galfasan the best hurler runner an lepper in tho parish was Iarry an the dlvll himself couldnt hould that baste Trld my own two eyes I saw him Uike the big Inthrance gates at Castle Car ney in one bound He could run faster than the wind an Mr Cnrney called him The Athlete Ye can so for yourself your-self how he became an athlete But the last of my expayriments was wld the goat I took outside the wall to I I where murdhercrs an suicides = mighty I i few o time nice was ever in JmllcLlny has 10 < be burled One dark night the poor misguided crayture burst his chain gored two other goats to death and was found drowned In the Rivet Feolr next morning There he lay murdherer an suicide In one an twas cal did my fault for grazln him where I J f didThat That brought me remorse o conscience con-science and I followed out the thayory I wldout any moro expayrlments The good goats that could stand a bit o dlvllment I put on the graves o playboys play-boys an merry fellows an the bad goats that were far gone In wickedness wicked-ness were hobbled over fine dacint men like Father Roger Kavanagh But the goats that were too poorsperritted an humble bond rayson I brought to the OCarney graves where the grass j Js so proud It wouldnt grow daisies An the outcome o my thayory your Honor Is that my goats keep at the same level all the year round Sorra finer breed o goats yell find from hereto here-to the Black North Danny paused abruptly at this juncture junc-ture his crooked figure assuming an attitude of the keenest attention Indeed In-deed there was something strongly suggestive of his on goats about the little man as he listened eagerly snuffIng snuff-Ing the air goatfashion as though scenting distant trouble Then olam bering upon Sir Geoffreys tombstone he tool a rapid survey of the chuich yard A light of cOI prchenslpr Spread over his wrinkled face as he hopped from his perch Meanwhile my own duller ears caught the sound which disturbed my mentor the dlstant > clash Ing of goat horns Mulshal Muisha cried the little sexton tis the thayory workin your Honor Last night I shifted a dacint goat from Father Rogers grave to where Lanty Horan the sWoarln swaggerin fighting blackguardlies under the blackthorn beyant an the goat that was browsln over poor Lanty I dragged wld great trouble to Father Roger blessed grass An what think you Is the result o the thransfer Theres Lanty Korans savage goat turned aa mild as spring water grazin peaceably an strlvln to forget his evil past when along comes the very same nice gentle goat that I took from the priests grave only last night May I die an Orangeman Orange-man If Father Rogers goat hasnt been utterly ruinated by one single night o Lanty Horan an If I dont make haste hell puck my latest convart Into goats flesh And away limped Danny Nowlan to prevent further mischief which might arise from the too accurate workings or his thayory on the grass o the graves |