| Show i MR DOOLEV ON THE i i ROMANTnC 1t t NOVEL LJ ij By F P Dunne > r f r < r 1 11f e 0 0 Co > cr if I Copyright 1000 < Q by Robert Howard Russell 1 Well sir said Mr Doolcy now Ihat th campaigns over an theyse to admlnlsther time me less call on slugs Iv dhrlnk an Polly lical economy counthrymen Im to me ifrinds an Ive me rreadln Koln to raysume laid In a stock iv historical romances an feel as though I was llvln bacl with a soord In me two hundherd years hand a row Iv tucks on me pants an me lace full Iv onlamllyar wurruds Bodzooks I do lllnnlssy historical novel Mr Whats a llcnnessy asked Marry come off said Mr Dooley know Todsloncs 1C I had Dont ye me cleaver on th bar I wud smack thee hamheaded fluke Idzlms I wud ir a Odswounds egad th wench specks th thruth away moved cautiously Mr Ilennessy and measured the distance to the door but Mr Dooleys fit was over lie smiled proudly and resumed his ordinary l ordi-nary speech Th historical romance I something Hlnnlssy about Is l a story bcfure ye was that didnt happen that borrn A few years ago Hogan rrcadin was hurt In docs most iv me called reellsm what he his eyes over modest scwln machine ffhafs where a store rayspectable grocery marries a ra I an1 they tall IT th rrest Iv i th book I r about who > shall wind th clock IIogan this revulsion against says thero was a I sort Iv thing It camo with prosperity harrd times peoples rread I Durhi1 about Dlnnls comin home at night an Ihrowin a plate iv warrumedover mutton at th wife an theyd exclaim Grrcat hit + ans how thrue to nature But whin people begun to get dividends become frm th busted banks an payday come less jerky an Irreglar they had ravfined life iv Tale io have a taste novel come In Tis tin th historical me opinyion Hlnnlssy an I give it I fr what Us worth an no more that railroads an tlllygrafls has kilt anny In th ol romance kind iv modhrenromance das whin people had to go about in cWirays an if a man wint as far as th t Eighth ward he carried a thrunk took j I out an accident policy an was pur Foocd to th stage be his weepin wife an childher twas alsy enough to getup get-up excitement in a story Romance was like th milk sickness always in tit flex county All a man had to do whin he wanted to hull off a dool was to locato It in Hammond Injyanny t 1 an Id believe it If he wrote it about Arrchey Rood Id tillyphone to th madhouse I always want to believe Ethrange things nn th oriy ttitng that ° + prevlnts Is they dont seem probable Nowadays most people knows as much about Hoochoo th capital iv Blew choochoo as I know about th gas h house ulsthrlct an thats all there is Ito I-to be khowed So If I a man locates a romance in Rooshya th first laad that rreads it 11 say Rats they cuddent be anny elopemint in Rooshya because whin I was there las month sellln seivln machines elopers was fined eltghteen thousand kopecks Or Rivo lutfon in AfghanoostanJ Dont tell me that If there was me cousin Cholly Y thats our agent at BImbing wudve let us know Ye see Hlnnlssy a romance ro-mance is what happens to people yeW dont mo ye-W an cant guess So th II I games over now Tit polls have kilt it But people have got to have thIm I so th romancer pushes th storyback s few hundherd years I nlver cud 1 think iv George Washnton without t t knee breeches a coat with tails onto i I It an his hair done up with a rat in front an a braid behind Dont ye tell mo he iver wore a night shirt an hung his wig on th back iv a chair I know I i he wlnt to bed in thlm clothes with th Constltootiori iv th United States i in hlS hand an his word at his aide Poor Mrs Washnton Well annyhow with th time far enough off th rrcst is alsy Th hero w ought to be frm Virginia or Maryland Jt makes no difference which People I will believe annything about them States Tls not esslntlal that he shud r be a frind Iv George Washnton but he ought to be Th number Iv rinds I k George had tis a wondher he wasnt dieted Prlsldint forty years befure he wlnt In Well sir this laad Is th I o greatest thing that ever happened He > > rides horses thatd make a bronco buster 1 bus-ter think he was settln in a rockin chair beside th fire he can shoot th eye out iv th Goddess Iv Liberty on a I Collar as far as he can see a dollar an thats ac far as th human eye can reach lies th grreatest soordsman that Ivor lived hes as lamed as th I JIbraryan Iv a circulatln1 library an I trie can thrack1 dusty savage to his liner be th donts hIs mocassins makes AH th autumn leaves But hes picked up all these things in th darrk mind JKe Hes told no wan Qny Jooboob ills nagger slave an Umlmumlmlpapa th falthfuj JCndyun chief > Harvard 84 Juiows what th laad can do But th rreader Is on an tis th business iv I th romancecerlo keep puttin champeens iv all these games again th unknown First conc first served give or take rUn i pounds white or rrcd Lord Philip Flutters tit best soordsman tvt th I Coort iv King Mike I insults th flag iv his counthry an th boy sticks him I througlutli vest Th Indyuns bust Into ili s ltlcmlnt an with wild savage yclla murdher women an childher Darin Dick chases tblm to th din tant woods an slhrews th ground with th lavlha iv thin Th Rrlght Klv I rend Aloyclus Moses McGlow D D Ph D G P A attlmpta to put him out IV ti nOestlon on th question Iv whether Lamarxus or whatdyecall him said HP an Jick pi over i be quota tl j nu f rni tl wurruks Iv MHX Appen djcltus an th lamed SosjdolaJInus Iv Athena that 3JIpJ1 Is pot th case He does all this fr th love h a beautiful girl an to sell th book Does th girl MgvchlmV ShedoesfaltnY Says he Dye love me Mary Ann Says she With all til wealthIV mo young heart Gated help me1 says he I will force ye to care fr me An he goes on bust ip1 horsesan l an klllln frlnds No way Jl1ee that to win a girl What a woman needs arround th house is not a good provider but a husband that can break anny horse that comes nosln at th duro duroWell Well nfther thin laad has won I th weltorwelght champecnshlp jv I Maryland on Virginia th Naylional SpooTtIn cluj Jv London acts him I to cross over an thry out some iv th boat thewj hint as lies < < atheppln off th boat he meets th king Tis i1IIiliiii sthrange how th heroes Iv thin romances ro-mances waa always bumpln into monarchs Kings must have been as common as cabmen Get out Iv I me i way says th king glvin him a rile kick What boots It 1 says th gallant gal-lant young American crossln th Idiig to th pint Iv th Jaw Whlnlzads but it fares ill with anny cotchen fodden footh Iv monarchy he says that hlsts an American citizen he says Who is yon fearless dlvvle says th king to wan Iv hip canS Granmercy but hes made mo rile face to ache like It has not since dashln Nelly GUm won me love bo bastln me with nn orange basket says he Thats Dick Plnyhell th American welterweight says th coortyard Hes a welter all rrlght says thEn th-En monarch Ill have to take him arrouud an inthrajooco him to th hinds he says So he carries him oft to a gin mill where th king done his dhrlnkln in thlm days an In thrajooces him to Wlllum Shakespere Charles James Fox Queen Victorya Impror Willum Alexander th Grreat Joolyus Caesar Wlllum Jennings Bryan Robert FItzsImmons Punchus i P Pilot Lord GufTc an all th grreat I heroes Iv antlklty who arre shakln dice fr th dhrinks an he makes hares Iv all iv thlm at larnln at doolln an at dhrlnkln Alexander th Grreat whQ is full iv rrum becomes be-comes angry at th laads popylarlty Can ye rrlde a horse botther thin I can says th monarch I can I make yeer majesty look like a feather i bedon a camel says th laad Bodfish says th king but that I was a hot wan Be me holy dome me troth eke ifalth th American hands thim out sthraight frm th chafin dish Ill bet Csays Alexander th Grreat eight mlllyon boboes that ye cant says he Dode says Dauntless Dick So they throts out Boocophlus that Hogan tells me was Alexanders horse an he bucks th monarch off an breaks his collar bone Wotrot exclaims Charles James Fox cand flsh but his majesty made a dent Ho was horsed bo his throne an now hes thrown behls horse This Is th first time this Joke was iver sprung Now lave me lImy says Dare Dlvvle Dick An ho wInt up to th plug that wan leapln over th tops iv houses an I breathln fire like aa though his none was th blast at th rollln mills I wlnt up to him In th manner I I hadbccn taught be George spoke to him in Washnton an his ear some wurruds I was taught be me faithful Urnlmumlmipapa to wit Soo boss Thin suddenly I Jumped Into th saddle as he was crouchln at me feet an away we wlnt Up Tottenham Coort rood beyond th railroad thracka accost th Llffoy over Parlymlnt into Cinthral park leapln church spires an even fixed stars an crush In In our path dukes duchesses flower girls shot girls pollsmen editors flew tors Iv newspapers an kings we but he cud not shake me off He bucked an Jumped rolled over like a puffball sat first on his haunches an thin on his head doveInto th river an floated undher wather r manny miles but he th cuddent dislodge me I pulled snafile loosed th curb an brought him to a standstill on th table In th tavern where Id left th compny Evan thin he reached arround an thrlcd to bite me but I thrust mo leg to thTilp down his threat an thin crookln mo knee a thrlck I had been 1 taught be Wlllum Penn I give him a cross buttocks throw that Id lamed frm Cotton Mather an1 hurled him onto th form Iv I his prostrate masthcr A horse on 4 I Alexander says Shakespere laughln1 hcarltly an th king ordhorln up a tonI I ton-I iv sack they pledged me health In shawmuts brlmmln rYe i r-Ye can see Hlnnissy that this laad cuddent happen nowadays He cud dent find th horses nor th sclety But he was good thin I wont undher take to tell ye Iv th things he done In dcetall to win th heart iv th lovely girl who was tellln him that she loved I him through a megaphone Ho fined acrost Paul Jones an sailed his ship Scotland he fought a dool a day an come to In th1 arrms Iv th crool wo man whose love he sought Afther stlckln all th nobility In England with his soord he come I home an took charge Iv 1 th Revolution wl > Idi he won In a canthor Thin he sought out th woman he loved flat she threw her arrms arround his neck an befurc they cud bo split out th parson crept up behind him an marrld thlm All these things he told to his grandaugh ter who set thlm down with her own fair hand Ilia + grandmother said Mr Hen ricssy nc8sNo his grandaughter said Mr Dooley an she believed him j Thlm things cuddent happen said j Mr Hennessy I Ann tl1inS cud happen that far back whin they wore romantic clothes said Mr Dooley Whin I como to think Iv it phaps tis th tailors tail-ors that makes th dlfdrence Whln they added a fobtanahalf to th length Iv mens pants they took a mile off Iv their stories |
