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Show fables in SLANG I By GEORGE APE WNV I The Air-Brush Likenesses of Grandpaw Wilkins and Aunt Hester Were, It Struck Him, the Real Peruvian Doughnuts. HIS PROGRESS IN ART AND MUSIC ONCE there was a Tike who had had been born with a Silver spoon In his Mouth. Out In the town of Paisley where Orville first opened his Eyes expecting expect-ing to find the Light of Day and discovering dis-covering only a Kerosene Lamp, It was about an even Bet that any favored Infant born with an expensive expen-sive Food Implement tucked Into his Face would learn that he had drawn a Knife Instead of a Spoon. It was a Settlement which believed be-lieved In brimstone Hell np to about three Years ago and is still sore at the Theory of Evolution but friendly friend-ly to Whiskers. It Is hardly surprising sur-prising that Orville, In his life-long Endeavor to emotionally comprehend compre-hend all that Is Worthy In Art and Music, got away, as you might put It, to a Bum start with a two-ton Weight attached to each Ankle. If he believed, at the age of six, the Revolution which flnnlly led up to the Golden Age of Rotogravure Sections and Artillcial Fruit The Period to which we refer hnd somewhat escaped the Trammels of cardboard but hnd yet advanced to the Dignity of Pyrogrnphy, which means putting Floral Designs on a Piece of Wood with a hot Poker. One of the Best Things In Or-vllle's Or-vllle's Room was a study In Still life called "A Yard of Pansles," because be-cause It was three feet long and showed about 1,0(10,000 Pansles In the Glory of Full Bloom. Then there were two Companion Pieces which will be recalled by all Connoisseurs who date bnck to the Era of Congress Gaiters E. P. Roe. These two Prints were cnlled "Fast Asleep" and "Wide Awake" and In turning them out the Printer used whnt Colors he had the most of. The First Showed a curly-hnlred Tot In deep Slumber and the Second Sec-ond revealed the saays blue-hnlred Infant sitting up and laughing pally. that the large Bills advertising the Forepaugh Show were the Last Word In Art and that "Jaybird," as rendered by the local Sheepskin Band, was the ultimate In Muic, It must be remembered that Ideals are always controlled by Immediate Contacts and that very few Persons Per-sons who pay large Income Taxes ever heard of "Parsifal." By the time that he had come to the age of ten, thanks to the broadening broad-ening and widening Influence of our Free School System and the golden Opportunities which beckon to every ev-ery lad born In the Land of the Modified Free and the Home of the Ostensibly Brave, Orville had learned that a Work of Art does not command com-mand Respect unless It has a Gold Frame. Once In a while he would The only Note of Sadness In these famous Specimens of Pictorial Art was occasioned by the Fact that the Child had a bright Red spot on each Cheek, suggesting a possible Temperature of 102 and Indicating that the Little One was already claimed by Tuberculosis. He got his first half-Nelson on what Is really Hot Stuff after he moved to the City and married a Lndy who had been taking Chautauqua Chau-tauqua Courses until she couldn't hold any more. She was out to Capture Cap-ture Culture or else wrassle It ta Death. It was She who put him next to Van Dyck, Rembrandt, Bouguereau and Corot. Up to the Time he met Minnie he had always supposed that Velasquez was the Name of a Cigar. be permitted to enter that Iloly of Holies known as the Front Room, which was kept sealed most of the time but would be opened when they had Funerals, formal Fartles or a Visit from the Presiding Elder. A LOT OF OIL It was ln this Sanctuary of Sea Shells, Ilair-Cloth and Antl-macas-sars that Orville was permitted to study the Crayon Portraits of his Deceased Relatives. If you assume that after Orville matriculated at Old Atwater all of his Concepts concerning the True, the Beautiful and Good were metamorphosed, meta-morphosed, then you are right, for once. lie was eighteen and wearing the Watch Chain high up on the Breast Bone and had been on an Excursion to Mammoth Cave, Ky., so lt Is little Wonder that even the President of the College could not tell him where to get off. He had now definitely escaped from all ,the cramping Influences of the Crayon Portrait and was reveling, revel-ing, for the first time, ln the larger and more Inspirational Sphere of the Oil Painting. At the home of Mrs. Butterworth, where be roomed In the College town there was a notable no-table Painting which challenged his attention the first time he saw lt It had been done by an Artist at the Indiana State Fair In a little COL. BOGIE OF THE ART COURSE About the time she first put the nalter on him and led him to the Art Institute, be might have been seen In a Parquette Seat on a Friday Fri-day afternoon, with a Funny Look on his Face, trying to keep up with a Symphony In Q Minor. During this quick-change Period, while ho was In breathless Pursuit of Italian Opera and the modern Dutch School, he got to be an awful Liar. Whenever When-ever he was asked If he liked Something Some-thing he would always answer "Yes." Minnie started ln to get all of the Paisley and Atwater out of Orve's System. It was a hard Tussle to convince the poor Gourd-Head that Tunes are vulgar while Fugues are something to be enjoyed rather than endured. To this Day, Orville will begin buying Tickets for the "Scandals" as soon as Minnie leaves Town, but while she Is In the Watch Tower he Is letting on to be worried because be-cause there are so few Performances Perform-ances of "Die Walkure" during the Grand Opera Season. Orve can now pronounce the Names of most of the Pieces played by the Philharmonic Lads who wear Specs and to prove that he Is a True Lover he buys Tickets for Ev- over Two Hours. It bore no Title but there was a Wisconsin Lake in the Foreground with a Sail Boat scudding before a breeze, which, for some reason, did not affect the Surface Sur-face of the Water. Beyond were the ' Himilaya Mountains, wrapped la Eternal Snow. It was the sort of Painting which no one could look at without feeling Different and Mrs. Butterworth knew It was an Original Orig-inal because she stood right there and watched the Artist slap it on. TUBERCULAR ART In the Room which Orville occupied occu-pied there were otber Evidences of the Late-Victorian Influence which banished the Godey Fashion Plates and Wax Flowers and inaugurated erythlng. Little do those who hear him touting "Gotterdamerung suspect sus-pect that at one time he put Resin on his Thumb so that he could pick the G-string for Hours at a Time. He has gone so far ln Art that sometimes he finds It difficult to keep up with Himself. Every kind of Landscape Is Trnsh and Pre-Ra-phaelitism Is something that he had and got well of. But he can now Interpret a Cubist Puzzle even when the Darn Thing Is held upside dowa And that, we take It, is aliout two strokes better than Par. MORAL: Unless Heaven has been done over lately, both tin Choir and the Golden Ortamenti are going to be criticized. |