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Show f , THE SALT LAKE TIME&S .m. . SALT LAKE EVENING TIMES, XHK tTmES PUBLISHING COMPANY. T. A. Davis, ITes't. W. R. Uibbs, Mang'r. ALFKE1) SOKENaOXrKdltor, Subscription to the Dally Times. 12 mouths fl a a.) ( i " . (Always tn advance.) SATURDAY. MAY 24, 1800. A tiauie of Woe. Clovelaud Leader. A baseball crank with a fa:e as blue As any baseball ever grew, Wit h a frown on hln brow, aud ugly, too. Sat In his room In a terrible stew, Listen to his talo of woe. "As I'm only I, and can't be two, What do you think I'm going to do When the league club plays and the brother-hood, too? This worry will send mo up the flue. O listen to my tale of woe." Then he tossed up a cent of copper hue With head for the league, and it dropped head, - too, So out to the game in a cab he flew, Score Home club none, but visitors two, Just listen to that tale of woe. The next day came, mild zephyrs blew; Brotherhood game he decided to view Invested his cash ou the home club, too. But the runs they made were, alas, too few. Listen to his tale of woe. And now the crank with face so blue Has bid baseball a last adieu. They laid him away where the daisies grew; And a little slab is marked "Hugh Doo," While the wind weeps the tale of woe. man, anil after a certain period all pub-li- e servants should be sent to the people to renew themselves. Each office should have a fixed teuure to preserve the respect of its occupant; and if the occupant desires a second term, let him show by his work that ho is entitled to it." For the Chinese system of competitive literary examinations Mr. Clarkson has uo respect. "Every man," ho says, should bo examined by the official in whose employment ho is to be." Com-menting upon this idea, the Sun says; This.we may add. w as the system which pre-vailed in the war department during the civil war, when the number of clerks and attendants rendered necessary on occasion of the immense force of men kept in the Held, was counted by thousands and thousands. Every man and every woman was examinod before being em-ployed; but the examination waB directed solely to ascertain the ability of the candidate to perform the work of the place to which he or she was destined. No one wa s passed who was not able to do the work, and no person was ap-pointed whose appearance aud character were not satisfactory to the chief under whose di-rections he was to serve. Hut the examina-tion was not competitive. Mr. Clarkson also thlnk that the business of our government is transacted more accurately and at a lower percentage of loss than any other business in existence, public or private, and all because of rotation in office. "The fos-tering of publlo spirit," he says, "Is essential to the preservation of our best interests. It is patriotism, more than money seeking, that ac-tuates the men who take an interest in our political life." Mr. Clarkson is well known as ah eminent and earnest republican, but his views of the civil service are broad, wise, and comprehen-sive. They are the views of a genuine Ameri-can statesman. , THE BIN MUNKS ON CLAltliSON. The recent utterances of Assistant rostmaster-Gonera- l Clarkson regardiug civil service are attracting wide atten-tion, and receiving general commenda-tion. , Even that harping critic, the New York .Sun, endorses Mr. Clarkson's sen-timents, especially thoso iu which he expresses his opposition to a perma-nent class of office holders. "What!"' exclaimed Mr. Clarkson, "perpetuate an ollice-holdin- g class of which every indi-vidual member upon arriving at the ago , of sixty shall receive a pension? Never! f What incentive would there be forsuch rf ' a class to work? Continued service in f the gov eminent employ is bad for any ARRIVALS AND CLOSE OF MAILS. Schedule of arrival and closing of Jnails at !esill-11?- XJ2KtoWiiej.MayJ;J.siiO. ArrTvelffll;ioseaT MAILS. Depot. Postoftlce Eastern, via U. P. K'y. . . 8:40 a.m. 7:10 a.m. Eastern, via 11 O. W. K'y :p.m. H:)a.m. Western 10: a.m. 9:1)0 p.m. Ogden 10:30 a,m. 7:10 a.m. Oitden 4:00 p.m. Oirden 7:00p.m. 0:00p.m. North and Northwest.... 7:U0p.m. 4:00p.m. Park City 10:80 a.m. 7:10 p.m. Park City 4:00 a.m. Southern 6:60p.in. :10a.m. Bout hern Closed pouch) Milford.Friscoand bey'd 10:10 a,m. 2:60p.m. Bingham Canyon and West Jordan 4:90p.ra. 11:40 a.m. Tooele county 3:4ft p.m. 7:10 a.m. Alto and Wasetch 1JJ:!!.mJJ.!!!L5J!lU WHAT PEOPLE HAY. Colonel Sam EwiNU- -1 think the races next month will be largely utteuded. The horses out at the driving park are all In fine condition. Denny Ryan is all right. W. T. Jordan, of the Conti-nental Oil company We will move our head-quarters to Salt Lake if we can get railroad facilities. G. 8. Holmes of the Continental- -I am thor-oughly' satisfied with business generally. Everything Is running smoothly at the Conti-nental, and we are doing a splendid business. Fhkd Simon I think the city can enforce the street sprinkling ordinance as regards levying and collecting a special tax for that purpose, I know of no clause in the charter forbidding it. J, H. Van Hokn, of the Culleu Honse-T- he hotel business has been very good for the past three months. We are not turning people away, but we have all we can do to accommo-date our guests. L. Hollander The retail jewelry trade is splendid this season. I am doing all I could reasonably ask for. Business Is fully one hun-dred per cent better than it was at this time ast year. I am perfectly satiHiled. ' Pat Lannan- -1 have no doubt the bill for the public buildings in Salt Lake will pass, and I think It will cover the full amount of JfiOO.OUO. The location of the temporary Salt Lake post-oftlce will not be decided before June 1st. I. A, Benton I do not know who my suc-cessor In the ticket office will bo. Everybody hopes, aud so do I, that he will be George E. Hedges. I want to take a short trip east, and it may be July 1st before I take charge of the postofllce. J. J. IJukk, manager of Walker Brothers' store The retail dry goods trade Is better than it was at this time last year, but there Is no such thing as a boom. People Bre building everywhere, and in consequence the carpet triKte is good. Major Kim, of the Walker house The tour-ist travel is lighter than usual this spring, but other business has been heavier. We have done more than an average business during the past three months. I have done a flue hotel trade for the last ten years. W. J. Buboess, manager of the Grand opera hou.ie Our season will close about July SOth. It has been a splendid success. I will say that for the size of Salt Lake there has not been a better financial season In the United States than that enjoyed by the Grand opera house. J. V. Parker, Union Pacltlc I don't know where Mr. Adams aud Mr. Holcomb are. They are to go from Portland to San Francisco, aud then come east over the Southern Pacltlc, but I haven't heard anything of them lately. It is understood that they will be here about June 1st. Joseph R. Walker The money market is steady aud in fair condition. Money is in good demand. Many real estate loans are offered that are not taken. Discounting Is active at ten per cent for short paper. Interest runs from eight to twelve per cent, according to the col-lateral. We are not shipping silver bullion. We have now In our vaults J105,000 worth, aud shall continue to store for the next two or three months. What we have averages 750 flue. The United Rtates mint takes every grade over 600 fine. r saw k iv. uiLLKsriE 1 nave Deen lusirucieu by a gentleman representing an eastern syndi-cate to obtain the best possible price on a piece of property in this city, for the purpose of es-tablishing a sanitarium at an expense of from $100,000 to $160,000. If the price of the property Is satisfactory I think Salt Lake will soon have a sanitarium which will not only be a credit to the city but will be the nieaus of inducing the establishment of other sanitariums in this, the most favored of all cities forsuch institutions. C. H. Parsons The retail book trade is fair, especially In cheap editions. We get in on an average a thousand copies a week of this sort. The only trade in bound books, to amount to anything, is at the holiday season. New books are coming out at the rato of about ten a day now. June, July and August always brings quantities of books for summer reading. There is quite a large improvement in quality this season. Less trash Is printed In cheap book form than heretofore. This is owing to the great book syndicate that was formed a few woeks ago, which has advanced the prices, quality and appearance of the books. Tlic Olieapd Li in M Lakcl GHAS. S. DESKY & CO. Have the Following Bargains to offer: Pesky s First Addition. "in order to close out our interest in this addition, we offer 23 lota .which yet remain unsold, at the extremely low price of $2QO Kach- - This addition is located in Glendale Park just the other side of the river. Rapid Transit now building to it. ' '" Pesky s Second Addition. This extremely beautiful place is located on South Second West street, and the price of lots are 25 per cent lower than in any other addition in the same vicinity. WE CHALLENGE COMPARISON OF PRICES! These lots we will sell at $300 to $400 on verv easy terms. REMEMBER, This is the best Improved Addition South of the City, Pesky $ Third, Fourth, Fifth Additions Are located between North and South Te: west of the Jordan River. We offer lots $15QBa One-fourt- h cash, the balance in equal pay twelve months. For Plats, Maps and a address or call on Chas. 32 and 33 Scott-Auer- ba mple streets, two blocks at merits in six, nine and .ny other information, c S. Desky & Co., .ch block, Salt Lake City, Uta "Sight and Hearing H G 1 Oculist and AuriS No. 1G East First Swtl P. C. Box 1 020 - Saltl-ali-f "Your professional skill your competence to prove it- - ' " (f of exceptional Micrcss." C. Tel ienerol Manager nener, Worth K. R. WHKKE THE TIMES IS FOB SALE. Th b salt Lakh Daily Times Is for sale at the following places: UOTKLS, Continental Hotel, White House, Walker House, Cliff House, Cullen House, St. Klmo. NEWS STANDS. Shaffer & O'Connor's, ! Main street. D. M. McAllister, 7S " Mnrgetts Hros., "7 " JSivbonid's. 17s) " C. H. Parsons. IM " Chief Justice lleasley and the Bunco Man. Philadelphia Inquirer. Chief Justice Bcaslcy of New Jersey, who prides himself on the rural charac-ter of his dress and appearance, while 011 a recent visit to New York city was one afternoon standing on the steps of a prominent hotel when ho was accosted by a perfect stranger, whom he at once sized up as a confidence operator, "It has been a long time since we met," said the newcomer in and affable manner. "Yes," said the Chief Justice, mus-ingly, qfiite a long time." "Are you enjoying yourself as usual? " asked the man, evidently feeling for an opportunity to run in his little game. "Yes, as usual," answered the Chief Justice, with a siinnv smile. "Still in the same old business eh?" "Yes; still in the same old busines." "What business is it? It's been fo long since I've seen you that I deelare I've quite forgotten." The Chief Justice eyes sparked mer-rily as he replied witli an assumption of innocence which would have done no discredit to a first-clas- s actor: "Sending rogues to jail!" The confidence man stated at him, aud then suddenly shot off down the street, while the Chief Justice looked after him with all tho innoeenco and benevolence of a Jersey farmer totally ignorant of city wiles and delusions. I'Ol JtTH or JULY ORATORS. Now that Colonel Robert (i. Ingersoll has declined to accept the invitation to deliver the Fourth 'of July oration in Salt Lake City, owing to important business engagements, the committee is looking for another speaker for the great and glorious nccasiou. While it is generally admitted that Ingersoll stands without a peer in the field of oratory, there are other brilliant aud eloquent orators, and the committee ought to "have no. difficulty in securing the services of ' some distinguished speaker who would thrill our people with patriotic utterances. Why not invite Chauneey M. Depew, whose reputation as an after-di- uer speaker and wit is national? He prob-ably could make a Fourth of July speech that would please the people of Salt Lake. He is one of America's most distinguished citizens and ranks among her most eminent patriots. Air. Dopew would no doubt feel honored by an invitation from Salt Lake, and we are inclined to think that he would ac-cept, if ho can spare the time to make the long trip from New York. Then there is Senator Ingalls, who is conceded to be the brightest man in the United States senate. .His speeches aro marked by keen satire, pungent wit, deep thought, masterly logic, patriotic sentiments and scholarly Senator Ingalls would be a great Fourth of July card. Next to Ingersoll, he would probably deliver a more satisfactory oration on Independ-ence Day than any other American. If Depew fails us, then try Ingalls. Old Ben Butler, the "hero of New Orleans" is also in our mind as a good orator for the Fourth of July in Salt Lake. Coining from beneath tho sha-dow of Bunker Hill, he would bring with him an inspiration of patriotism drawn from revolutionary days, which, combined with his experience in the war of the rebellion, would in all probability enable him to deliver an oration of more than ordinary in-terest. Why not wire au invitation to George Francis Train, who reaches Taeoma to-day and completes his tour around the world, beating all globe-trottin- g rec-ords? Train, erratic as he is, possesses one of the most brilliant minds that ever existed. He Is a remarkable man in many respects. Ho is the most rapid speaker in tho world, and one of the most entertaining and amusing. He cau talk intelligently on more sub-jects in less time than any other orator in this country. He is running over with happy and original thoughts which ho clothes in eloquent language. He is full of wit and sarcasm. Tho tire of patriotism runs all through his com-position. His range of thought and powers of description are 'unexcelled. Ho is a wholo show in himself, llav- - ing refreshed his mental store house with observations " of the world at large on his recent trip around the globe, ho is prepared to deliver a Fourth of July oration that would make tho lofty peaks of the Wasatch smile with admiration aud o tho applause that would go up from Zion's great city in tho valley. The Times hopes that George Francis Train will bo the orator of the day, There are still other speakers to se-lect from. There is Henry Watterson, tho talented editor of tho Louisville Coiirier-Jotirual- , Mho is such a great admirer of the Star-eye- Goddess of Reform. Senator Manderson, of Ne-braska, is a very polished speaker, and could entertain - a Salt Lake audience in a very pleasing manner. Hon. Johu M. Thurston, general attorney of the Union Pacific, of Omaha, is one of the most eloquent orators iu the west. It will be remem-bered that his speech at the last na-tional republican convention, of which ho was temporary chairman, attracted marked attontion all over tho country. Mr. Thurston is a natural-bor- n orator. He has tho voice, the language, the ideas, tho magnetism, and is a thor-oughly western man. Grover Cleve-land no doubt would be pleased to re-ceive an invitation. Then there is Rev. DeWitt Taliuage, who, for a thousand dollars, would very likely deliver au oration that would lill tho bill. Jim Delford, of Denver, should not be for-gotten. Tho "red-heade- rooster of tho Rockies" from the rostrum in Ziou would make the canyons of the Wrasatch range resound with his patriotic elo-quence. The Tribune suggests Hon. Thomas Fitch, of Reno, Nevada, and says: "He can talk as well as Ingersoll and tho people in this basin owe him a dobt. He has spent the winter in delivering silver speeches in the great cities of the cast, ami uo ouo cau give so clear a sil-ver ring to a speech as the silver orator of Nevada. Why not send for Tom?" So it will bo seen that there is no lack of Fourth of July orators. The above list ought to be of some assist-ance to the committee in selecting a speaker to cut the eagle loose on Inde-pendence " ' ' - " - d;(y; VJtlXCIPAI. CONTENTS OF TODAY'S TIMES. One August Night tn '61: The opening chapter of a continued story by the late Wilkie Collins.' Illustrated. The Boston Team: An article on the base ball Players' club of Hoston. together with general sporting notes, with illustrations. lair Canadian Faces: An Illustrated article on the society belles of Canada. Fashions of New York: An illustrated letter by the famous corres-pondent, Olive Harper. Secret Society News: Gossip of the lodge room, A Neat Country House: An illustrated article describing a com-fortable home. ' The Queen Wins: A story from the French. Two Well Known Women: Victoria Woodhull and Tennle C. Claftln. Their remarkable career. Illustrated. A Hold Train Robbery: ' The bloody ending of Jim Farnsworth and his gang! The Cricket on the Hearth: ' Words and Music by James E. Hlewurt. Draiualle and Musical Notes. (losslp of the local and general stage. Itealms of Cycledom. Items of interest to the bicyclers. Telegraphic News: Associated press and special dispatches from the four quarters of the globe up to 3:au p. in. Local News: All the news of Salt Lake City and Utah. I". S. Keep Your Eye on the Times: You will always find something in its col-umns to Interest you. Nero's Ballet Behind the Scenes. Brooklyn Times. "Procession form," sings out one of the leaders. The visitors retreat to one side just as the ladies of the ballet begin to pour out of their dressing room. Ye gods, what dreams of loveliness are here. Three-fourth- s of the ladies are Spaniards or Italians. All aro young, the majority of them beautiful. Their drapery gives one glimpses of necks aud anus and shoulders that would make St. Anthony a Benedict. There are great lustrous, heavy-lidde- d eyes, and masses of blue-blac- hair and skins of creamy pallor and lips of pomegranate scarlet. Here isayouug girl standing right under the glare of a calcium light. There are traces of powder anil rouge ou her face for she like her com-panions, must "make up" to show well from the front. But note tho exquisite moulding of her great eyes, the dainty curving of her nostrils! She talks nil unceasing flood of soft Italian, and little white teeth glimmer and Hash as she talks. Then there are other girls. There are girls with stately, or petite, or slender, or plump, or willowy forms. There are 'girl with brown eyes that melt, or blue eyes which dance, or black eyes which flash, or hazel eyes which question. There is a regular rosebud garden of girls, and you don't know which particular blossom you would want to wear even if you could. And the bachelor who watches thanks his stars that the nineteenth century or the North American climate, doesn't per-mit of such girls wearing such bewitch-ing costumes as theso which pass before him in kaleidoscopic display. Wanted A Fourth of July orator. Apply to Salt Lake City. Tiik supreme court of tho United States having decided that execution by electricity is constitutional, tho New York murderer, Kommler, will be shocked into eternity some time next month. The Kickers. The Judge. Had this old world been made to suit the kick-ers everywhere. 'Twould lie a freaky, bulging, crooked, sadly mixed affair. We'd have our. winters In July if we but had our way, . And in December's place we'd put tho tender mouth of May. We'd transpose nearly everything and change It all about. And turn it upside down, and very likely Inside out. And when we'd regulate things the best that we knew how, "fls certain we'd have cause to kick lots worse than wo do now. Ik tho street sprinkling contractor would baptize the Herald ollice, the paper issued from that establishment would not bo quite so dry. Baptism by spriukling might not answer quite as well as immersion, but possibly it ' might havo a beuelicial effect. Clgarettci In Society. "Now I didn't really see these w,i owu eyes and touch them with u; fingers," said a charming woman, the some one who did told me. at a dove luncheon, the last coune disappeared, and the ladiessat over coffee. Then the waiters brougli tiniest packages you ever saw of Tin cigarettes. The cigarettes were ol finest Turkish leaf, perfumed, and outer wrapping of each one waiof rose colored satin. They werealtog too pretty to smoke, 'But did smoke them?' I was not there, jo member; but don't half the worn New York smoke a cigarette while, and do you suppose titcoal sist the particular temptation of dear little rose colored things! Idi New York Evening Sun. A New Cook Book. , ' Berkshire News. Material is now being gathered for tho News cook book, which it is in-tended shall be the most complete work of its kind, and will bo a great aid to the housewives of Berkshire. Wc ap-pend a few of the prescriptions: Clear Soup Take two pints of water, wash them thoroughly on both sides, pour into a dish or something, and stir around the kitchen until tired. Plum Pie Get some dough, hammer out a front and black breadth. Line a dish with silesia. put in a veneering of dough, till the dish with Brununel'H cough drops, put on the top crust, feather-stitc- h around the edges aud bake in a tinker's furnace. Pound Cake Mix up some Hour and things, put them into a dish, bake for a while, then screw in the handle and commence to pound. Stomach Cake Line a small boy with green aaptples and cucumbers, This cau be prepared short notice. Calves Foot Jelly CJet trusted fora Chicago calf they have the largest feet-c- ut off the calf, which can be used for making hash or chicken salad; wash the feet, thliHteu with glue, add a few molasses, strain through a cane seated chair, pour it into a blue bowl with red pictures on it set in the shade to get tough. Then send it to a sick friend. Ice Cream Dry a piece of ice in the sun. stir in some cold cream or vaseline, fan it until it freezes, garnish with Christmas greens. This should be served with the soup. Hash-Ch- op up everything, add some readv mixed paint, then throw it aw av. Soften boiled Eggs-P- ut a setting of into a, kettle of hot water at 6:58 let thera bofl until the clock strikes serve on half shell. To Remove Stains, to removo fruit stains from a tablecloth, saturate thecloth In benzine KpTlVtX'aSrinkle Wlth BUUI'W-- ' three'Suce!11'68 Cake- -n two flour, Au Inexpensive Dish Buy a live-ce- 'io Droj) Kggs-- Let go of them. plate Lemon Pie-L-ine a pie plate with paste with ffi,Pa,stf iepagweo5r,ka7o5v,e,rptin your lemons, the top, and bake THIS UATK IN H ISTOK V MAY 4. lMSr-Dea- th of Copernicus; born xiffSL. Feb. 10, 1473. The father of modern astronomy. 1613 Death of Robert Cecil, min- - later to James I ; born 1560. M 1 ft token by Charles n$. Jf 17S2 Death of Lord Eodney, --jfSaaS British admiral; born 1718. ftAC--W 1814 The pope returns to Rome L after exile. s. Liaworii. 181 6 Birth of Albert Smith, comic English writer. 1818 Gen. Jackson senses Pensacola, Fla. Spain cedes the territory to the United States in 188i. 1819 Queen Victoria born; crowned June 28, 1S88. 1819 The first American steamship, the Savan-nah, crosses the Atlantic in S5 days. 1841 Canton, China, capitulated to the English. 1850 Death of Jane Porter, novelist; bom in 1771 Author of 'Thaddeus of Warsaw," "Scot-tish Chiefs." etc. 1851 Thomas Francis Meagher escapes from Van Dieman's land and arrives in the United 8tates. 1881 CoL Ellsworth shot while removing Con-federate flag from Marshall house, Alexan-dria, Va. Ills assailant killed by Frank Brow-nel- l, one of his souaves. 1871 Public buildings continue to be burned by the Communists in Paris. The archbishop of Paris and 64 others shot by them In the prises) of La Roqiiette. - 18TJ Marshal MscMohon, duke of Magenta, elect-e-president of the French republic OoSGiiicssMAN McCkeakv, of Ken-tucky, has introduced a bill for the survey of au intercontinental railway to connect North and .South America, it will not be many years before a trav-eler can go by rail from Hudson's bay to tho southern extremity of Patagonia. A Bad Boy, New York Sun. "That boy's a natural thief, I know of but two things ho won't take." "What? " "Advice aud cod liver oil." fiot so Big as He Thought. It is voraciously chronicled that once upon a time, while traveling west of Omaha, Mr. Charles Francis Adams was visited in his private ear by a typi-cal cowboy, dressed in regulation cos-tume, says the New York Tribune. He was as much above the average height as Mr. Adams was below it. Turning to the railway president, ho inquired: "He you Charles Francis Adams? " "Yes," was tho reply. "Charles Francis Adams, president cf tho Pacilic road?" "Yes." "Gracious, but lexpeeted to see some-body seven feet high! You ain't as big a man as I thought you was, anyhow!" With tho exception of talk, there has as yet been nothing done about those proposed excursions to Salt Lake City from the east. It is a great mistake to permit this enterprise to die. The money invested in excursions is suro to be returned teu-fol- We hope the matter will bo stirred up again and that some definite action will be taken before the season is loo far advanced. Ought to He Throttled. Tho school-boo- trust is one that touches the pockets of all classes of cit-izens, and nonce nil parties' can get together in tho good work of throttling it. Pis Timber Is Scsrc Every lover of pie and almost person, either secretly or openly, love pie will be interested in the fi fact that "pie timber," undcrwhich erio term is comprehended dried a peaches, plums, squash, pumpl is scarce. ' Evaporated apples ta up 25 or 80 per cent, since the beg" of the year. Canned apples, pie F and the product of the golden pumpkin and the sober squash a higher, and have an upward tend The raw material for an import adult American industry may the bony clutch of famine, but it condition which every thoughts of pie must regard with serious con New York Commercial Bulletin. WW Boasted by Electricity. From the Oswego Palladium. It may be remembored that afler the papers staying Kemmler's death had been served on Warden Durston, a calf was provided as a substitute to illus-trate now the electrical appartus would work. The calf, which was well grown, was placed in position, the full current whicli was intended for Kemmler was turned on, and the calf was dead in an instant, and according to tho storv of Or. Mac Donald, as related to a Pal-ladium reporter, the room was also instantly filled with tho odor of burning hair and flesh which quickly drove tho occupants out of doors. The olectric current, it is said was on but an instant, but in that time the calf was fairly roasted alive. To Spring. New York Sun. . . In the spring the schoolgirl skippet h.the small " " the boy toots hfs baoo. goslings twitter and the pigeons bill and coo. " " the ardent lover on the doorstep mildly wails. " " the playful housedog leaves his coat without the tails. In the spring the drummer hustles and the " " fakir spreads his tent. the festive landlord chucks the " rent up ten per cent. " the flowers blossom and the " " bridal conples swarm. the hopeful hayseed puts a mortgage on his farm In the spring the base ball whirleth and " " the wabbling pegtops spin. the pious angler thinks that ly " the ing is uo sin. race course pirate gives you any odds you like. ' " the downtrod workmgman goes out upon a strike. In the spring the little warblers with their " music fill the glen. " the busy housewife spanks the " boy and sets the heu. the bees are humming., full of " " business are t he ants. theaveragemashersportsapalr of cheokered trousers That Joke Again. New York Sun. "Four hundred and twenty-two,- " yelled the elevator boy. "What is?" asked tho passenger "1 ou are ! You are the four hundred anil twenty-secon- d man to ask me this week if my life isn't full of tips and downs. Ask it again. I like it. TIIK WOKI.U'S 1'AIlt. 'How to Get Cash. Tho Question that is Puzzling Our World s B'air Directors, Fifteen M illions Wanted." These startling headlines appear on the first page of yesterday's Chicago Tribune. Wo read thcin with Intense sorrow, because we had been led to believe by the Tribune that rolling off a log would be a task Mirrounded by terrible difficulties compared with the raising of money in Chicago for the .benefit of the World's Fair. Wc are now con-vinced that it is easier to roll off a log than to raise ten or fifteen millions for the Chicago fair. St. Louis The envious newspapers of St. Louis and New York would naturally be pleased to see Chicago becoiuo finan cially embarrassed lu its great under-taking. The people of t he west, how-ever, would deeply regret any such re-sult. Hut there need be no fear that Chicago will fail to raise the required money. In her lexicon there is no such 'ord as fail. She is tho most remark f able and most enterprising city ou the face of tho earth. A city that was vis- - itcd by tho most destructive lire in the history of the world destroying $200,-- ! 000,000 worth of property and nearly wiping the place out of existence and in less than five years was rebuilt on a grander scale than before tho conila- - gratiou, displaying more energy and enterprise than ever before known, such a city, we say, will not fail in se-curing the funds necessary to make tho World's fair a stupendous success, put-- . ting all previous exhibitions of tho kind completely in the shade, and making them appear, by comparison, as more sideshows. A Magazine Editor's Untimely Death. A bright and promising life came to a sad ending the other day. K. D. Walker, editor of The Cosmopolitan Magazine, of New-Yor-city, recently left home to enjoy well earned vacation. He disappeared, and ior a ume nis late was a mystery. But one morning two colored men, rowing on Roan-oke river near the railroad bridge at Weldon, Va., found floating down the stream the body of a man, which proved to be that of Mr. Walk- - was a broken E. D. walker. fish- - ing pole and in the pockets were watch, money and papers. A coroner's jury re turned a verdict of accident al drowning Magazine readers the country over have been niuch mdebted to Mr. Walker for In eomontthly easts of literary good things was born in NewHaven wSUQ8 ?'185?- - HouatedfM 1876 and in 18T7 en- tered the service of Harper Brothers, finally attaming the position of associate editor of the magazine Three years ago he left Har-per's to take charge of The Cosmonollten There ,s delayed in the window ol pany at Rome, (la., a faille francaise silk aress that is, or was, valued at $300. The rr.T eiprefed t0 New Orleans and worn by a bride at a fashion-ftblemarnag- e. The express messenger through some oversight allowed it to be damaged slightly, was compelled bv the company to pay for it. Changing the Oius' Cou According to private inform Merv the construction of theW changing the course of the Osus, i under the ancient name of Sultan is being pushed forward with pe ergy. Among the people there g citement prevails, as there seems to doubt that large tracts of country ruined as soon as the waters of tw ; Dana are diverted to the large tern which have now for three years it to the czar himself. The watt 0 river will not be sufficient for tories now cultivated by the nan for the large imperial estates- .- don News. Alleged Wit. Tho ground-ho- g Sausage meat. Judge. Claws iu the will tiugers of the law-yer. Boston Herald. An esteemed luxury A Turkish bath. Hoot and Shoe Recorder. When dentists go into partnership they ought to pull together. Texas Siftiugs. How a locomotive engineer can make his own headlight by drink too much. Texas Sittings. Man is often fonder of his dogs than he is of his kin; but, then, a dog never contests his will Puck. Few men sow their wild oats without getting more or less rye mixed iu with them Atchison Globe. Rhode Island is such a little thing re-publicans aro trying to overlook it, New Orleans Picayuuo. The man who is perfectly wrapped up iu himself is easily done up bv other people. Terre Haute Express. I)e man what's, always waiten' for somothiug to turn up wi'll find it when his toes turn up. Chicago Light. A correspondent desire to make it known that tho compensation for Action is a storied earn. Washington Post. It is possible for tho saleswoman to havo shop made teeth that are per-fectly natural. Terre Haute Express. A boy never so thoroughly realizes that quarrelling is sinful as when he is getting licked in the light. Cape Cod Item. Tho cat has nine lives, which shows that nature had a pretiy fair idea of what the cat would have' to aro throuch -L- ife. Sometimes a man takes such a high moral ground that he can't stoop down to help the needy and distressed. Texas Siftiugs. A great many men talk of hiding their talent under a bushel who do not realize that a thimble would do just as well. Atchison Globe. It is said that Jefferson carried his simple tastes into official life. Lots of of office-holder- s do that, but the trouble is they tasto too often. Texas Siftiugs. When a fellow is iu love with a girl, he can hardly believe that she returns his affection. But when he hears that some girl ho cares nothing for is in love with hint it does not surprise him in the least .Terre Haute Express. TERSONAL PARAGRAPHS. W. Clark Russell is living at Bath, England, in the house in which Lord Chesterfield wrote his famous letters. Mr. Russell is a martyr to rheumatism, but in spite of his suffering is quite buoy- ant of spirits. Miss Nellie Arthur, daughter of the late President Arthur, has developed into a beautiful young ladv, with a brilliant complexion, large, soft, brown eyes, aud a graceful figure. Her taste in dress is original and effective. Bismarck is reported to be much im-proved iu health. He spends much time looking over his correspondence nnd burns mauy of tho letters. The Berliners are going to preseut to him an illuminated record of his achieve-ments. Excessive fatness has seized upon Baron Rothschild, the London head of the great banking house. His excessive increase in bulk hits alarmed himself aud friends, and he has called upon the famous Dr. Schweninger, who will come to London to treat the millionaire. King Humbert is a prudent monarch aud does well to bo so. iu the present state of the kingdom's fiananccs. Last year the civil list for the royal household was 13,34i).m)9 francs ninety-tw- o cen-times, leaving a cent aud three-quarter- s to his credit for tho ensuing year. Richard Vaux, the veteran war horse whoissoou to present the Third (Pen-nsylvania) district in Congress, believe in the early bird. While most, others are sweetly sleepiug iu tho morning he is out with the birds aud trips along iu his early walk with a step as elastic as if not half bis seventy four winters had tried to frost his luxuriant locks or fur-row his finely chiseled face. Au Intellectual Han. The Journalist. He was up in the mathematics, had a taste for hydrostatics, and could talk about astron-omy from Aristarchus down ; He could tell what kind of Deans were de-voured by the Chaldeans, and he knew the date of every Joke made by a circus clown. He was versed in evolution, and would instance the poor Russian as a type of despotism iu the modern age of man ; He could write a page of matter on tho different kinds of batter uned In making flinty glm-crac-on the modern cooking plan. He could revel in statistics, he was well-u- in the tisticif, knew the pedigree of horses dating way back from the ark. Far and wide his tips were quoted, and his base-bal- l stuff was noted, in political predictions he would always hit the mark. He could write upou the tariff, aud he didn't seem to care if he was called off to review a book or writ a poem or two ; He could boil down stuff and edit, knew the value of a credit, and codid hustle with the telegraph n style excelled, by few. He could Ml Just how a fire should be handled; as a liar he was sure to exercise a wise' discriminative taste. ' He w as mild and yet undaunted, and no mat- ter what was wanted he w as always sure to get It first, yet never was iu haste. But. despite his reputation as a brainy aggre-gation, he was known to be deficient in a manner to provoke, - r For no matter when you met him he would iorrow ir you let him. and be smd to have the faculty of always bjDg broke. j |