Show The Fable of 1875 and 1925 By GEORGE ADE Co 0 Coil Bell whit Syndicate Service NUB ACE upon a n time an es- es esteemed es esteemed ONCE OACE O 8 teemed Old Lady Lad who mad bad badI I been n a reigning Belle nelle during Grants Grant's Second Administration sat back watching the Antics of a re- re reformed reformed re reformed formed and nod purified World wonder wonder- wondering fug ing what It was all about She was like every ery other living Person beyond Sixty It seemed to her that all the honored Traditions had been hit bit In the Head that Civilization was WIlS being behlS vamped by frivolous olous Innovations and that the whole Works bad had gone One of ot her Important DiscoverIes was that Young People are arc not what they used to be She didn't suppose that an any one else had no no- noticed It but she slie simply couldn't get over the Way In which the Jimmies and Janes were taking It for granted that they owned the Uni Universe ver verse c T This honored Over Hold had a Daughter Daughter Grand and Namesake who was a mere slip of a Thing H 10 years old who was endeavoring endea to establish a Worlds World's Record for Speed and Endurance Very often Grandmother would ask ask her Parents any Control over o her herThe The correct answer to the above question was was- was NO I It happened that One Day the theOld theOld theOld Old Lady couldn't stand It any long long- longer longer er ere Little Genevieve Gene the Child Wonder had been to an nIght all all Party Along about 4 G SL bL L she had brought a Pack of ot Into the House and had shown the bos Icebox Ice how to take a Joke She came up for Air at Noon and was propped up In her theatrical Pa- Pa Pajamas Pajamas Pa Pajamas jamas ln ha having the whole House walt wait on her while she found Fault with the eggs the Toast the Coffee the Weather and all of her Rela- Rela Rela nela Relatives tives U For one orm thing the Service Sen i was not up to the Ritz and she dIdn't like to have e the Curtains lifted so high and her Name was spelled spelled mis-spelled In the Papers and every every- everything everything thing looked dark for the Princess Queen of the Flappers The Old Lad Lady sat In fixed Amaze Amaze- Amazement Amazement ment meat for a while while surveying sur the Eighth Wonder of the World and then she said When I was a Girl Girland Girland Girland and went to a Party I always came down to Breakfast next morning and what's more I came down early and helped Mother Iother The Queen of ot the Flappers gave her respected Grandmother the cold coli Over Over Once and then said You were e 8 Simp Possibly so from the standpoint of a n modern Snipe who has become sn 80 superficial and self-centered self and selfish that she regards her Par Par- Parents Parents Parents as Servants House In my Day It was ns an Imperative e Rule nule that Young People should respect their Elders you OU had a better Bunch to work on said little Genevieve When they were giving out Rela nela tl Rela ties es I almost drew a Blank mank Ive I've tried to put up with Mom SIoni and Pop and you'll have to admit that thre they're a couple of Oldies Both of them can sleep standing up They dont don't seem eem to be hep to what's Trans Trans- Transpiring Transpiring Transpiring I 1 told them a Month ago I 1 Iva va ted a Roadster just like Bernice Is driving It Is one Duck Duel and the price Is only 4 GOO Do you think I can get thos those two 1 to buy one for me The old Tight Walls Tight keep talking about the money Dont Don't the they know that a cant can't hold the Boys any more unless she has hasher hasher her own Bus nus And you know how these fiat haired flat haired Papas are They dont don't like to ride In a Lizzie Lizzle You cant can't blame them can cnn you No o I want something that will III cut across Lots and Climb a Tree and If those two think they cnn can work off offa oIa a FIR on me they've got another Guess coming All during this Rate Rac the kind kind faced faced Relic of ot gone bygone days stared at her dainty little Granddaughter Grand Grand and sighed Deeply The Coy Debutante and the Bustle I am wondering she said at last It if It there Is left lert anywhere In Inthe inthe Inthe the World such a thing as a Chap Chap- Chaperon Chaperon Chaperon eron I saw one last Season and she was If It you OU will pardon the Modernism a Pip She was a Grass WIdow aged S painted a Creamy White with a shingled led Nob and she wore about eight Ounces of cloth cloth- clothing ing lag As a Guardian of Young Girls I would say that she was band picked hand picked In 18 1875 1375 5 when I had my Out Coming Out Party the Girls were brought by their Parents and no Young Gentlemen even een asked for Permission to Call until he talked with the Mother Iother and had flashed his credentials I 1 get et you said Genevieve You are now going to pull a 0 line of ot Chat Chat- Chatter Chat tor ter about the Good Old Days Das ot of 1875 1675 but you will never get away with It I have studied Ancient history and I f am wise to that Gold Gold- Golden Golden en A Age e of or Chivalry y when every ery pop pop- popular popular ular Bachelor had hod the map covered with Trailing Arbutus and the tile coy Debutante wore a Bustle which made It practically Impossible for her to sit down You are panning rue me because I dont don't want to play the Melodeon and attend Lectures on the Holy Land You think I am ama ama a 8 Hussy II ussy because I dont don't want to tofit fit alt In the Hammock all Day and read Tennyson I will admit that I cannot get a Kick Kids out of ot the One One- FInger Exercise or the herring herring- Bone DOlle Boric Stitch Probably I am im- im immodest Im Immodest mod modest st because I do not wear a lot lotof lotof ot of steel Harness In the year 1675 which you Jou are boosting so strong you Jou and others couldn't take a 1 bull ull Breath but hut you were Nice Girls And you Were concealed within ruffled rumell Balloons which trailed on the Ground behind you kicking up the Dust and collecting Germs cry e ti cry Day I will admit that we tried to tilde hide our Ankles said the thc Old Lady At Least we tried to hide SomethIng It seems to me that People could find out In the News News- Newspapers Newspapers papers about you girls wearing Bloomers without you proving It to them And just because you have ha shed your Corset Is that any Itea- Itea Rea Hes Reason son why you should be a Contortion Contortion- Contortionist 1st every ery time you dance Is It absolutely necessary that you should attempt to crawl vl Into the Gentle Gentle- Gentleman's Gentleman's Gentleman's mans man's Vest Pocket And Is It be- be because because be because cause you are afraid of or catching Cold that you make It ft Impossible for any draft to come between you I am a petrified I Fossil propped up on the Side Lines and tolerated because I own a 8 little Real Estate and I am 2 22 2 Mlles Miles behind the Pa- Pa Parade Pa Parade rade raile but I am asking Just the I same Mm There Is no use trying to ex- ex explain ex explain I plain to a Been has said little Genevieve wearily I suppose we should all wear something with lace at the bottom and sit by Our Our- Ourselves Ourselves selves sel over o In a Corner waiting for forthe forthe forthe the Gentlemen to bring us some Chicken salad but them Days are gone forever tore You can cnn probably re- re remember remember re remember member when the principal Instrument Instrument ment meat In the Orchestra was the tho Flute and The Blue mue Danube was Hot Dog Dog Likewise the Lancers which I would classify as the Zero ot of Indoor Sports Everything which happened be- be before before fore bo-fore fore this year Is evidently Anti Antl- Antiquated Antiquated and N 0 G said Grandmother er cr I will admit that the Orches Orches- Orchestra Orchestra tra tm which used to play for tor our Dances did not have ha an any Steamboat Whistle or Derby Hat But ut they made lovely Music And when I Isay Isay Isay say Music I mean Music I dont don't mean an Imitation of ot a dying PIg or a busy Day at the Insane Asylum Asylum Asylum lum Furthermore any Gentleman who came to a Party all lit up like a Cathedral would have havo been given the Gate Nowadays all nIl of or our Best Young People gather around him and give gl Three Hearty Cheers and then follow him to the Cloak Room nom Its It's a 8 terrible Situation Grandma Takes the Count It sure Is agreed Genevieve Most of ot the stuff stul Is synthetic By Bythe Bythe y the way Granny now v that you are all wound up wh why dont don't you bawl me out for being a Bob ob Go on and tell about the Good Old Days when every every- Gal had a Horses Horse's Tall hang hang- hangIng hanging hanging ing down her Back and when she shedId shedid dId It up sh she put In a n couple of Soft Pillows and then wore a Rhine RhineStone Stone Rhine Stone Comb just Just to make the While Thing more blah Then after she got gotan Inch 18 IS Hat lInt with got an a Kitchen Garden around the Terrace and a Velvet Vel Bow on Top and clasped on her Cameo Brooch and pulled out her ber Puff Sleeves It if she wasn't a Gawk k youre you're crazy A Woman had so much Junk about her Shoulders In those days It gave 0 her the Neck-Ache Neck to carry It around Yes Indeed the Snappy Days of ot Yore Yorel I Give the Sweet Young Thing a Buggy Ride and a aBail Bail of ot Pop-Corn Pop and shell she'll be con con- contented contented tented for several days I figure that to please the superannuated Fogies Foles all of us eyed blue-eyed should go back to playing Charades and working Card Card- Card Board oard Mottoes Also ride In Victorias s have ha a n Taffy pull once In a n while and take Les Les- Lessons l Lessons s sons on the Harp We Wo must be rather Hough House as I learn that we are being criticized severely se by byall byall byall all those who are cheating the Old Peoples People's s 's Home by running around on the Outside They have talked Incessantly for a number of Years but they have not so far as I can learn headed off a single Petting Party I must now leave lea you to iday 18 13 holes attend a couple or of Teas take In a up shake Party at ata ata ata a mans man's apartment dine at n a Road Road- Roadhouse Road House House and dance all night at the Eyed Cross Dyed Goose If It the tho Police dont don't get me Ill I'll see sep you Tomorrow at this hour Saying which she slie departed leav leav- leavIng leav- leav leaving ing tag Grandma on the Ropes MORAL MOnAL Do not repress the joy joy- joyous joyous ous criminal Instincts of ot Youth |