Show efficiency AND words by pat badigan music by R C neenan with a club in his hand and a look of righteous anger in in his eye both eyes pat badigan descended descended on my cabin a few da days y s ago t in his pocket was a copy of the mining review in his voice the rage of virtue which had been assailed what do you mean by calling b me ine a liar demanded pat youre another one of those mules papas that insult a feller just because you dont agree with him ain t yuh sure all you gotta do is holler liar and you win the argument if you fossil ivory from your chin north id be tempted to perc percolate olafe your hide so full of holes that it would make a fly screen realizing howe however vcr that you was born that way ill let you off with a warning 1 I intend to have you give away my cure a all ll 11 for fhe ailing mining b industry th that at idea is worth money any y idea that di disposes spokes of a question as thoroughly as in mine ine does oes is valuable maybe it seems foolish to suggest prohibiting hi prospecting maybe it is foolish but it has this inerio lent anyway it wont cause many arguments because Ivery everybody ery body seems to agree agree that it is all dam nonsense which makes akes it different fr from om most other mining law revision sc schemes hernes everybody agree that those aint practical there I 1 found my first chance to break in on pats verbosity and tell him how much I 1 regretted having referred to 10 him as a liar with a hole in the ground round oh let it go at that said la badigan d igan digan if I 1 listen to yu ou a minute longer ill begin believing you your tongue ls is as wall you ought to smooth as a sides hanging Z try 7 selling sellina I 1 oil stock you chatter away like a jackhammer hanifer J I 1 C well I 1 interrupted his praise A jackhammer does its work does it not sure pat remarked sweetly it bores 11 1 I read this man man bal by y the way he began again liets article on efficient mine management in the mining review why cant you write something sensible like that he knows what he is talking about most mines that ive seen have been run by people whose motto was vas if lists its a good mine it will stand any amount of expense if it well stick the stockholders for another assessment fact is I 1 could write a book on how not to operate a mine from what I 1 have observed first rule would be tut put most of your money into fancy offices build a lot of ornamental ore bins bungalows b and whatnots then spend left if anything underground A lot of mine mis managers wont need that there book had practical experience at being impractical since when I 1 asked impolitely have you become an authority on efficiency youre becoming childish you sound like a school of mines freshman listen impudence retorted pat wrathfully 1 I had my first les lesson son in in efficiency back in kansas at my good old mothers knee and I 1 have received a lot of lessons since there was a drouth one summer back in my boyhood home and nd water was as scarce as it is in a mining camp dance hall where ma showed her shed heat a pan of water wash the dishes in it bathe the baby in in it next wash the faces of the rest of us then scrub the floor before taking the pat pan of water out to irr irrigate ignate her b garden arden 1 I aint one of them ignorant weevils that think befi cie chency ncy and econ onomy are nothing 6 but extra lateral rights to chop wages and hire extra bosses no sir As I 1 started to begin saying a while back minemia mine mismanagement is one of our greatest outdoor out door sports next to it is the most popular misdemeanor in the I 1 aint aiming 6 my aspersions at our mining b engineers gi inders i either but a numerous number of small mine directors or directors of small mines take it either way are too dog berned to have a real engineer on their staff 1 I heard one of these mining insects make a speech one time he knew just enough to be pestiferous he rears up on his hind legs and orates to the extent of several thousand words and a pitcher of ice water that mining is a business hell the way his type do it mining is a crime I 1 recollect one group of his type that started up tip a little mine in colorado under sensible conditions that there mine would of been a regular mint but them there efficiency sharks were using Z the money of a lot of optimistic rainbow chasers in the east and their idea was to have a lotta pretty buildings on the ground to make a lotta pretty pictures to send back east as evidence of what a fine producer the mine was a goin to be in the sweet by and by lon long about the second month the manager superintendent and the treasurer each discovered that in order fo t 0 preserve the dignity of their impositions they each hadda have an automobile rather than offend their self respect they made out a fine fat check on the companas comp anys account and charged three cars to incidentals next day there was a bulletin at the mines 9 mouth explaining that in the interests of economy the officers are compelled to announce a fifty cent cut in the wages of all underground workers to take effect at oncel once did I 1 hear soi someone neone say mining is a business sometimes tim s its a circus for the other feller did I 1 ever tell you about preparedness simpkins and his bright idea no not for a couple of days I 1 replied but go ahead well said pat 1 I dont believe I 1 ever told you about this bright idea ef I 1 did your mind is too weak to remember it so ill take time to inform you preparedness had started to sink a shaft up on a windy knoll he was in a gosh awful hurry to get that shaft down and start sending 6 nu nuggets 6 ets to his friends yeh the kind of a 6 guy lie he was every time his shaft men took a half shift to place a set of timber preparedness had seven fits and a headache because the hole g getting etting no deeper it looked to him as if there was a lot of in about this old fashioned way of sinking a shaft so lie he goes home one iii night lit pulled out a few fist fulls of hair wrote a lot of figures and gave gave birth to the bri bright 6 lit idea next day lie he hired a crew of carpenters and timber framers then he told us old fogies bogies 6 what lie he was aboin ab to do he meant to build up ten or a dozen shaft sets into the air over his shaft and says lie he as the b ground round is removed from below the timbers will automatically automatic aly settle into position well there were too many reasons why his scheme wouldn brou ddn t work to try to start explaining them so everybody kept still and b got another lesson in in econ onomy and befi chency with reverse english cc preparedness had built a head frame over his shaft that was big b enough and high b enough Z for the anaconda so lie he had room for his automatic timbers inside it he vas as proud as a toy poodle in a le monsine when after a couple of weeks the gang an had timbered in fifty perpendicular feet of atmosphere he pointed with pride we viewed with alarm cause it shore was a gosh awful looking contraption trap tion preparedness even climbed up the side of his air shaft and peeped down at the lights of the men below when then he climbed down he looks at the crowd around and says patronizingly that gentlemen that is chency ci ency V well maybe it was but that I 1 night 6 a big wind came along and blew about forty nine feet of that the there r e shaft over into the next county but at that sighed 6 pat it the first shaft sunk on air a helava a lot of shafts tunnels and raises have been dug in hotel lobbes by miners who put in twelve hour shifts with never a murmur as to the har hardness driess of their lot dont you realize pat I 1 asked when he stopped to light his pipe that you are apt to cause b great mental anguish among a lot of self satisfied authorities on mines and mining if you persist in dreadin treading 6 on toes that never turned a hand against you disregarding the fact replied the oracle that toes aint in the habit of turning hands against nobody I 1 replies to the negative dont g go 0 getting 6 the idea that pat badigan is a chronic grouch that has done gone sour he aint I 1 am still able to get as many grins per mile on this rocky road of life as the next feller if more of us humans would quit taking ourselves so din ding boned serious and try to believe that we aint each personally responsible for the future of humanity and the irish why wed be able to forget once in a while how dern important we are if a feller grins ains at his own shortcomings his friends will grin with him not at him when I 1 was a boy down in maine I 1 used to find a lotta excitement in sticking pins into toy balloons hopin id find one that shrivel up and quit but I 1 learned that a balloon has to have more than air inside it or it wont withstand a pin prick now a man youre getting personal I 1 objected ring off note pat informs me that econ onomy means practically the same as economy but that it sounds more |