Show JI in H A AU ii u n n A A H i A A n in c L A A H Ii Ali U A Ai Ii f Jn I A A A A A A T 1 A n AA A 1711 n AAA XU A i ita A A t J He Discusses I J Politics 1 sand rand and t I V THE 1 1 I r By ley c I I Poetry j GENIAL GENI L IDIOT I John Bangs gs i F I It POST T said acid the Idiot Idi t I 1 suppose by this MC time your muse muae bas bu got a job fob for the c cam campaign m Who is M hire ehe out for Roosevelt Par kor or You Ton never sever were more greatly mistaken mf taken In ia your our life iii Mr Idiot replied the Po Poet t My muse Is 4 sensible woman and interest herself in this quadrennial wrangle between the politicians over ocr overe tie the e esk pots pota of QC public props once office 0 Iee t Gee Wl t an su oW old she sue m music s be ojaca land la the idiot The Tice e idea Id a of or n whether she hd is fa one oae of the seven Sutherland stater slaters or one of or j the nine mue s not nOl interesting herself ia is the ques lon of who 11 rule rul the land laud for tho the next four years strikes me as sa most extraordinary It ia fa quite as im important important a Question give as any that ran can arise arlee e in the thc doni do domestic a ame ni me tic menage and yet jet Et women invariably arrogate to themselves the right to engage en ge our oar cooks our and our butlers if perchance pe anco there thoro is hs I any putting cutting to be done dODe on the premises Maybe because e we are Me not permitted to say In about who our next neat president shall be sag s g t d Mrs Airs Ped How Hot can caa you expect eject o Ct us 11 to be interested in a 8 problem for which we are not allowed to assume any part of the tit burden of at responsibility re No one denies your right to tray say y anything you please on the said sai the Idiot Personally should be charmed if you as a woman of large largo ex cx experience would give lye me some of your views as aF II to whom I should vote for for lor frankly 1 haven t been Men able to make up my mind 5 yet et on the sub subject Jett ett Both the candidates appeal to me strongly and andI tf f I could vote votie for Roosevelt I in lla Massachusetts or Par Parker Parker ker in m Alabama ma or for both in New York New Jer Jersey ary sey Connecticut Indiana Indin or some other doubtful doubt l state I shou should i be a very happy man To vote against again t either of them t em anywhere it strikes me would be a adis disgraceful dis tuI act and Im blest if I know what to do cIo dont like to go so fishing on election day either be because rAnge cause cau e If U everybody who feels as aa I do that its just pos posy possible bible sible that Swallow would be elected president And HAnd a 8 very good thing that would be said the I intend to cast my ballot for Mr Swallow next November I am heartily tired of both the Democrats Democrat and the Republicans and four years years y rs ef of a prohibition administration admi would serve to pu m VV IV YV V V V Y Y Y Y Y Y those Augean stables of our n You Vou think Swallow would clean things up eh ekr asked the idiot T T do said the tho He lie H is j the coating maa anan and nd there are thousands of others othe Vho think as as 4 1 do Theres Thare 5 a surprise in store for your Parkers and this t coming comin fall he ho going to do o it with Witha a hose hOBe asked the Im not so sure that you arant aront right Four Pour years of hydraulic power dawa dowa there in Washington would work wonders wonder provided r they hey squeezed ed the water out our of the trusts arid ati ud used it for public improvements Still there are certain ln vets very serious questions th will to an answer answer answer before be re they get my ray vote Ho How are they on the th standard of oC values Mr Bib How many pints do they them intend intond shall make a quart How many gills is i ithe the gallon g Bon of pf the e future to contain fa 15 drinking drinkins s to become a capital pital offense What is to bo be done with all aU the alcohol in existence when the pro take tako the reins Poured into the sea If so 50 what w at consistent prohibitionist could ever again eat shad and would not the fish wish bells bell the pure innocent in fn innocent fish balls by this act with in intoxicating intoxicating Intoxicating ingredients become as vicious a thing as the high ball If you dont pour it into the sea seo what are you going to do with it Use it to irrigate liTIgate the tha I farms What of tho t e that would eat the grass produced in our pasture lands and by alcoholic irrigation Would they not give us milk punches instead of the lacteal fluid we wa now kayo hava Would not your chickens lay egg instead of eggs What WOOt of our orchards should we not find ourselves unwittingly eating brandied peaches sherried apple and cherries with a dash of bitters on the side sid the tho inside With the swoon saloon on abolished what becomes of Bishop Potter and his working mans club With beer be rin in exile what is to be done one with wit the hop crop and without wi ale what becomes of the Welsh rabbit industry I read reade the e prohibition V platform and I I dont know stow ow anybody that th thas has but Ill rn wager you now new Mr Bib that it is silent on all aU these points I have mentioned and I do donot donot donot not believe that any party ever got into power by following a polity policy of evasion I shall not discuss the question with you yon said the The prohibition party is good t V y yV V f r enough forme I have ih my my way into it and there I shall stay tay Fell WeIl if you Ou believe fn fa Populism Pop began the t populism cried tho the T l It is the In this country that is absolutely fr s fron the taint taint of populism Thc Idiot Id au hod nIl yet 30 j a your jOur H i M o they the Ih I h tau GaI t do d 1 thin ls of o flint Doctor h ha he added to o I th th a irin grin irinI grinI I challenge you to name a trace of Populism ni in the Prohibition creeds creed said the angrily Its tYs cruel said the ant take taken a dare d c Do the Prohibitionists ts condone soft drinks pr pf rouge course C Jun they Ydo do said the tho B Is that Uc u Its g said Idiot The properly scorned d to reply reDl to such sucha sucha a sally sa y and after af 1 upsetting his coffee with ith ar a gesture of contempt took refuge In b buckwheat cakes Calon and silence Meanwhile lle the Idiot continued is I must apologise to you yo all for having unwittingly involved inv red d the tle table In a political discussion d he said ald saidI aldI I 1 d mean to As a matter of fact f ct I wanted to help belp the Poet Poe into a profitable job and nd when I said that I make up my mind as between Judge Parker and Pt Pi President silent s dent Roosevelt I thought I had d cleared the way to a pleasant nonpartisan discussion of things I 1 forgot all ail about a the ginger i that job fog fo me asked the thc Poet Ob Oh well a friend of mine B who ht is in the thing up tp to Its his 5 neck explained the Idiot Idi t told me rue the other day that both the big campaign committees met th great apathy entry here among ammu tile the Poets Ther anybody who can can write poems poems who is i sufficiently sum ie UY inspired to turn out a campaign song book boos on either side He know whether it was because of the difficulty V of finding good hones Jp to Roosevelt Roo eve and Parker or of the feeling f Ung that both of or them were good goodenough goodenough enough CDo gh to bo be president and that hat therefore the true poet who has got to be worried about a thing before he can do good work w rk was shy of undertaking the job jobs s Y V t Vf V V Y Y r S rV VV campaign song OD book Is worth athon a thousand and dol dole lars lara to the man who can put pot it through sand l IYo o thought though of m mang c with all Jl thEn the committees to furnish tho the whole thing complete for them I might help you said the Poet perking up a bit Aha Alta Now youre talking said the Idiot Io ve beISO jo jealous about that a old muse mus of Four Cu i vt kato lI eory very td bout about apP fil tb an d L In rn tho iho An rm r 4 For j mi my flat R t I belt eve T aa easy money pi ony s In this thing and an wo we might as well weIr aehl get It as else J Rhymes to Roosevelt Roo and Parker arc arcas arcas rc as easy Cl y as clam shells on the ocean Id Td like to to hear a few sneered the Won Well haros a sample that should satisfy you said p I t Roosevelt Rob shoes es felt felL Put Pat it liko lik this When Whan Parker sent his hii telegram What Mist of f dear Mr ir Roosevelt ROds I P how the th great great I Am AmWay AmWay Amt t Way Wray down own within his bis i shoos sho s felt feltRo Ro said the tho Doctor who is a aR Republican Oh O I dont know said Mr Mx Brief who is a Dem o of rat I think pretty good And as for rhymes to t Parker if you yon want wan em cm continued the tb Idiot here heres s one that ought to go goHe 1 V He Ie foIl felt his prospects growing darker J Did blister lister Parker And with his pan goo he did bin bis hi best Western estern Union clicked the c button and St St Louis Louisr LouisI I r rest rost tf ejaculated ta ul ted Mr Brief Briel res better than that Roosevelt thing thI g n retorted the Doctor uve l We cant can please everybody said tle Idiot t and nd J r want you to understand that Im strictly nonpartisan i isan san son in this business Whether swimming Ing with Par Parker Parker Parker ker or jumping fences reD es with Roosevelt I believe the country is safe All AU I am trying to do is to t make a az z commercial appeal to the Poet There are arc other rhymes to Roosevelt and Parker Goose felt fett and so on for forone forone V Vone one Harker Barker Marker Starker Spark Sparker er or and so on n for the t e other As for Davis and Fair t J 1 VY VV VV banks ban b an il p f no not so gO easy but the vicq vict president so o important Sull there enough the iho man to save us ns r Henry Gassa ay Davus will n nOIl do forgone forone V VI OIl I pu t rny money in them thoat theta thoro banks CV a tan behind hIndo our 1 harp fo 1 anks win will do for tho other Th Then k nj or er gave gaters us and and ml ell hover lace us for Thyme to tho the thoD Dejno D n and nd snare sn snare re baks bais Share Mare banks bare banks and scare bands s for his Republican rival i UV 2 t have baye no Well firiS no Well see no sn Beneath Be th old Fairbanks l f lY You Y n sec see its its the easiest thing in the world the tho Idiot Idio continued to work the issues and the candi candidates candidates dates into the tho th simplest kind hind of rhymes In addition to this ther are the finest opportunities in the world for Sor or rattling songs in simplicity in th the tho days when juleps flowed like water and a of congress was always s to t be found at the White House Housein in its working clothes and its i s horses tied to tho the fence fencepost fencepost post drinking apple jack with the president and knowing naught but harmony in the thet days d s of great heads so to speak peak Jorum Torum rhymes mighty well with quorum q orum So does docs floor ll or cm On tho the other othor hand martial songs of f military glory that are possible to toh the h that believes in fn imperialism jingo even Kipling might you Sort this opportunity Mr flit Pont Poet PontI ur I already feel myself fired said the Poet with enthusiasm Ill help if you gat get the th contract ct from the national committee All right said the Idiot Ill see Cortelyou and Taggart rt tomorrow tome rew Meanwhile tf en engaged engaged engaged j But suppose suppose se you dont get the contract asked the Poet if c Well VeU in that t event you will be fired again said L the th Idiot y Copyright l Oi i by K H Holmes Holmos |